I don’t think I am being unreasonable. Allergy.

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

So I have a severe allergy to a particular food - not saying what it is here because it’s a bit unusual but can be more but not exclusively eaten this time of year.(it is not mince pies nor Xmas cake!) Bring and share are most difficult because even very small cross contamination can give me AS.
Yes I have an epi pen but even they are not without risk at my age. So avoidance is the best way.

I belong to a club and the xmas bring and share was today. . Because no specific notice was given about my allergy beforehand , just a general one about allergies in general , someone brought that food type along.
They were going to put it out nevertheless, with contamination a real risk. I put it to the leader that they didn’t seem to take allergies seriously.
First she told me that I could have just brought my own stuff- I did that last year and it felt distinctly unfestive.

She went on to tell me that she has an allergy to eggs and milk.

The issue was sorted but the later I saw her eating the cake I had bought and several other things with milk and eggs in . I can’t see how she can have an allergy to those, stuffing her face with them.

She doesn’t have an allergy does she? Intolerance maybe or even just a dislike ?
And that is why she won’t take my allergy seriously.

Surely you would be safer to eat your own food as you couldn't be sure of cross contamination when people made the food at home.

Milk could be an allergy to 'raw' milk. So if cooked in a cake it might have been fine. Same can go with eggs. I once worked as carer for a girl who could eat things like cakes but if you gave her a fork full of scrambled eggs she'd come out in horrific skin peeling hives. So it is possible. And intolerances shouldn't be underestimated either. I am intolerant to chilli, it makes me throw up for days after as it irritates my stomach lining, and last time i had it i ended up in hospital with severe dehydration.

I would just take my own food.

My son has dairy and egg allergies and we always take him a packed lunch whenever we got to “bring and share” events.

And just because she was “stuffing her face” does not mean she doesn’t have an allergy.

Look into the Dairy and Milk re-introduction ladders and it will show you how people can tolerate some forms of the ingredient but react to other forms of it.

It’s not as black and white as you can either have it or you can’t unless the type of reaction is an anaphylactic one.

Ah the mysterious “I’m not telling you what it is because it might somehow reveal my identity” illness.

YABU, if you have allergies bring your own stuff or risk cross contamination.

If the allergy is so severe you are at risk of AS, eating from a buffet really seems like playing Russian roulette. Who knows what goes on in people's kitchens?

I can understand why you're annoyed OP but I wouldn't call her out on it. Also agree with PP just take your own food. Cross contamination could have happened at their homes while cooking the food. Better to be safe than sorry

this is exactly why the parents of children (some who are adults) try to circulate videos of their children after an allergic reaction.

Amy May Shead is a sadly famous victim, others didn't even survive.

Yes, there are some fashion, some fake "intolerance" (as in bread and pasta make me put on weight funny that ), but it's better to over-protect than kill someone or leave them severely disabled.

People do not have the slightest clue about cross-contamination either.

You can only be super careful and try to educate people.

Doesn't sound like she has a serious allergy but that doesn't mean she doesn't have an issue with eggs and milk. A friend of mine can't have milk on cereal or in tea because it gives her stomach issues but can eat a bit of cake with butter without reacting. Maybe she's similar.

I'm surprised you're ever willing to eat at a bring and share type event. Things people make at home can be contaminated without them realising. My DH has an anaphylactic allergy to nuts and sesame and I have an intolerance and I doubt either of us would happily eat at something like that. It's hard to ask people to make sure that something they bake at home is definitely fine for a particular serious allergy. Even if it is fine I think a lot of people wouldn't want the responsibility of saying "yes you can safely eat that."

YANBU to be annoyed that she didn't take your allergy seriously. Some people tend to use the word "allergy" instead of intolerance or even mild reactions; I can't have cream or dairy because it upsets my stomach. It's not an allergy, it just doesn't suit my body. I've heard so many people with similar situations talk about their allergies.

YABU to trust this woman with tending o your allergy needs now, so remember for next time.

My son has a serious peanut and tree nut allergy with EpiPens etc.
I wouldn't feed him food made by people at a club, I just wouldn't trust it. Lots of people don't understand.

I also wouldn't expect a club to cater to him.

That said, I voted YANBU because I don't know the food...if it's not common and things don't tend to contain traces of it, maybe it's different.

And it grinds my gears when people who don't have a diagnosed allergy or in fact on occasion any actual symptoms say they're allergic to something and then they have some anyway (not thinking of a particular person, oh no).

I think YABU. It's your responsibility to take care of your allergy so why leave it without saying anything until the actual event?
If I had a severe allergy I wouldn't be trying food cooked in unfamiliar kitchens. You have no idea what it could be contaminated with.

Hmmm. Tough one.
(I have allergies and intolerances by the way so totally know where you're coming from!)

no specific notice was given about my allergy beforehand , just a general one about allergies in general , someone brought that food type along
Had you told them about your allergy beforehand, as in had you specified what it was?
If so, then yes they should have said to the others and well out of order if they just said a wishy washy "be careful of allergies" (then it'd be a case allergies of what? People aren't psychic aren't after all)

She went on to tell me that she has an allergy to eggs and milk
later I saw her eating the cake I had bought and several other things with milk and eggs in . I can’t see how she can have an allergy to those, stuffing her face with them

Doesn't sound like an allergy to me that. more like an intolerance.
People don't understand my milk intolerance - I'll tell people I can't have ice cream (I can't ) as I can't have milk but then if they saw me eat a slice of pizza they might be at me.
Can tolerate certain amounts of cheese but no way ice cream or a glass of milk for example.
So I'd cut her some slack there just in case....
Anyways I'm rambling lol but YABU if you didn't specify your allergy, YANBU if you did

Yeah I'd play safe and take my own food tbh

If I had an allergy that could lead to AS there is zero chance I'd anything at a bring and share.

I'm allergic to chocolate, and everyone brings in chocolate treats for our team events, and it can be really difficult to find restaurant desserts without some element of chocolate. I tend to just bring my own or if we go out for food, not bother with dessert. It's rubbish when people are inconsiderate.

Ok my allergy is not a common ingredient in foods like nuts or oils. I am not saying what in case she the leader is on MN .
Yes most in the group know but clearly not all.
Taking my own stuff was really rubbish last year and this year I thought twice about going at all.
In the end it was sorted , fairly easily , I might add.
She was eating brownies too, don’t they contain half baked egg in the gooey mixture?

YANBU OP people need to take allergies seriously I cant stand people who say they have an allergy yet it's an intolerance and I'm lactose intolerant and histamine too I would complain

If she is on here op you've already put enough information for her to suspect it's you.

Less of the cloak and dagger, unless it's a matter of national security, it's tiresome.

From what you've told us, if she were on MN and read this thread I'm pretty certain she'd know it was her you were talking about!
What's your allergy???

If I was in charge of this event and knew someone had an allergy of this severity I would be making sure there were some bought items which were guaranteed allergy free. They would be on a separate table from any of the homemade food. I would be very reluctant to cook for someone with a very severe allergy, not because I don't want to but because I would be too nervous that if I had cooked something previously I couldn't rule out it going in. I absolutely would not confuse this situation with my own wheat intolerance which I try hard not to tell anyone about!

YABU for policing what other people are eating and sniping about them/suggesting they are liars OP- surely you know better than that, you must get this nonsense all the time from other people. It couldn't be any less of your business.

YANBU for having an allergy and struggling to manage it in a room full of people that don't though, that's hard. I also have one, and several intolerances due to a serious gastric issue. I think sometimes you just have to accept that you either bring your own or go without. I wouldn't ever eat food others had cooked at something like that, for an allergy.

If she was on Mumsnet and read this thread she'd know it was about her so you may as well say what the allergy is.

If no notice was said about your allergy then it would have been daft for you to eat the food as you have no idea about cross contamination in kitchens etc. I would make sure everyone knows beforehand.

I'm sure if you know anything about allergies you know that severity can be either end of a large scale. One person's peanut allergy could be triggered only if they eat them. Another person's could be that they can't be in the same room as them.

I know little about allergies as I don't live with them. So unless I was given specific instructions on a specific allergy I wouldn't know that food I might bring would be dangerous. It's up to you to educate people on your allergy. If people don't know then you will have to stick to bringing your own food. Would you really risk being (lifethreatengly) sick all for the want of feeling festive?

You are being very unreasonable.

Bring and share are most difficult because even very small cross contamination can give me AS.

Do you feel comfortable trusting your colleagues to be aware of the risk of cross contamination and to take it as seriously as it needs to be?