I don’t think I am being unreasonable. Allergy.

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

So I have a severe allergy to a particular food - not saying what it is here because it’s a bit unusual but can be more but not exclusively eaten this time of year.(it is not mince pies nor Xmas cake!) Bring and share are most difficult because even very small cross contamination can give me AS.
Yes I have an epi pen but even they are not without risk at my age. So avoidance is the best way.

I belong to a club and the xmas bring and share was today. . Because no specific notice was given about my allergy beforehand , just a general one about allergies in general , someone brought that food type along.
They were going to put it out nevertheless, with contamination a real risk. I put it to the leader that they didn’t seem to take allergies seriously.
First she told me that I could have just brought my own stuff- I did that last year and it felt distinctly unfestive.

She went on to tell me that she has an allergy to eggs and milk.

The issue was sorted but the later I saw her eating the cake I had bought and several other things with milk and eggs in . I can’t see how she can have an allergy to those, stuffing her face with them.

She doesn’t have an allergy does she? Intolerance maybe or even just a dislike ?
And that is why she won’t take my allergy seriously.

When someone tells me they have an allergy I either find out how severe it is and listen to them properly or I assume it’s extremely severe and deep clean my house before cooking for them/having them over. Why take the risk?

So you're not willing to name your allergy, yet you name the event, the fact someone brought the food you're allergic too, the fact you spoke to the leader, that she told you her allergy and you saw her eating various food containing the ingredient she claimed to be allergic to.

Even if you've slightly changed her allergy details it's safe to say you've made it pretty clear who you are if she's on here!!

I’m sorry but I don’t understand??
if you have a serious allergy that requires you to carry an epi-pen then surely you have a duty to inform other people about this and make it clear how serious it is?

I think people in general have got better with the more well known allergies such as nut or dairy. It’s the unusual ones that catch people out. I react to some fruits like apples (get a really attractive rash around my mouth) so I tend to avoid them but people never take me seriously and think I’m being a childish fruit refuser (yup was called that once). I think sometimes you have to be tediously loud and forthright - so when that info came out about being careful of allergies - reply saying ‘don’t forget that includes x’.
Yes she should have been more considerate but now you know she needs a bit of bluntness (like a sledgehammer) to remind her of the effect it could have.

You are not BU OP. I have a lot of allergies (non food) but some that can trigger an acute, dangerous asthma attack.

I was invited to someone's home a few years back who knew of my particular allergies (I always ask if I'm going to a home I've not been to before). Within 10 minutes I was wheezing and struggling to breathe. As they called the ambulance they said, "Oh, we thought if we didn't tell you and you didn't know then it wouldn't affect you..."! 🙄

I'm allergic to blue cheeses.
I was buying cheese from a deli counter once and the customer before me had stilton cut for them. I had to request they use a new cheese wire. You'd have thought I had requested a gold plated one by their response.

Anyway - I never eat cheese off a mixed cheeseboard at parties, the risk of cross contamination is too high.

Yanbu. I think a lot of people don't realise how serious allergies can be, or don't realise there is a difference between an allergy and an intolerance. And of course there are the people who know someone with an allergy and think that everyone else who has an allergy/intolerance is the same as the person they know.

If I was in charge of this event and knew someone had an allergy of this severity I would be making sure there were some bought items which were guaranteed allergy free. They would be on a separate table from any of the homemade food.

Unfortunately I still wouldn't risk this in a group setting as you couldn't guarantee another person wouldn't use a contaminated knife or fork dishing up that food on to their plate

My family (including me) has weird allergies. With me it's apples but it's not severe and an accumulative thing so a bit won't hurt me and even a lot won't kill me. Others in the family are allergic to lavender, prawns, nuts, wheat, dairy, eggs...it's goes on and on which makes planning a big family get together a nightmare.

Despite all of this I'm still surprised when someone springs a new one on me - like coriander or mushrooms.

I do think a lot of people claim allergies when there's no need - just like lots of people talk about how they are on the autistic spectrum. They simply haven't a clue. But even those of us who do have a clue aren't always 100% sympathetic.

I can’t see how she can have an allergy to those, stuffing her face with them

How do you know? What an unpleasant way to speak about a supposed friend ...

If you have a severe allergy, then you either a) need to make this very clear, and request people don't use this ingredient (I'm guessing almonds/marzipan?) in the bring & share; or b) bring your own festive food.

The festiveness of the occasion is as much to do with the company and the getting together, as the food, I'd have thought ...

I have a life threatening kiwi allergy, I’m also allergic to latex and strawberries, but thankfully those two just result in an itchy rash and blotchy skin. So the latex and strawberry allergy is a bit annoying, but not a big deal.

Sadly some people don’t take allergies seriously, I had a very severe AS a few years ago because a colleague picked kiwi out of a fruit salad she had made. She told me she didn’t like kiwi and she hadn’t worn gloves etc when making it so I tried a bit.

She knew about my allergy, she knew that I had two epi-pens and she knew I needed the second pen ten minutes after the first. How did she know this? She was the head first aider and in charge of all the epi-pens left in the first aid room and trained to administer them.

There is often confusion about allergies and intolerances . An allergy is a reaction mediated by the immune system whereas an intolerance does not involve the immune system. You can have severe intolerances and mild allergies - it is not simply that severe reactions are allergies and mild ones "only intolerances" as some people seem to think.Even within allergy there are different types depending on what part of the immune system is involved. We can be fairly certain that the club leader doesn't have a classical immediate IgE mediated allergy to eggs and milk but she may have another type.
My son has a non IgE mediated allergy to eggs and dairy produce but he can tolerate small amounts of cooked or processed dairy or eggs from time to time. His particular problem is triggered by frequent small exposures as well as single bigger exposures. So people are probably confused by what he eats. I have been managing the situatoon for 14 years now and I am pretty good at making a judgement call about what is and isn't ok at a certain time, and so is he to be fair. But I wouldn't let anyone else decide that it is ok to bend the rules as they don't generally understand what happens or know what else he may have eaten in the preceding days. To further muddy the waters he does have immediate potentially life threatening IgE mediated reactions to a variety of other foods. So I just put them under one umbrella and tell people that he can't have any of his trigger foods - it is safer and simpler. But if anyone saw us out for lunch today they woukd probably have said "he can't really be allergic" because he had a sandwich that had butter in it. DH had ordered and forgot to ask for it without. But it was the thinnest scrape of butter, he hasn't had any other exposures in ages, the cafe was absolutely heaving with staff run off their feet and the rest of the family's meals had already arrived. So he and I made the decision that it was ok for him to eat it. It doesn't mean he doesn't have an allergy, just that he doesn't have an immediate life threatening allergy.
So, I think YABU in judging the club leader's allergy status without knowing her full history. You could be right of course as plenty of people do claim allergies they don't have, but you can't know that.
And I also think YABU in expecting people to onow what your allergy is if they haven't been told, but YANBU in asking for the item not to be put out once it had arrived. I would have thought that most people would be understanding if the reason was explained. Next year you need to ask people not to bring the item well in advance.
That said, if I or one of my children had an allergy that was so severe that even slight cross contamination could cause anaphylaxis, I think I would be taking my own food to a buffet.

If you have an allergy which can cause you to go into AS you should have made sure the manager circulated exactly what you are allergic to to everyone if you wanted to participate in the bring and share. I understand how bad allergies are but you have to be proactive about it.

Don't eat food others have prepared if you have an allergy. It's your responsibility not theirs to ensure your health.

Ok you are right , probably too much info already to care. It’s blue cheese like queenrollo above {waves}. I thought it fairly rare the only othe person I know with it is my cousin. { thinks rollo must be my cousin.....}
So I can eat other cheeses. It just means not putting it on a cheese board because people do cross contaminate with other stuff not just the cheese. That said , I don’t think not having Stilton is going to spoil anyone’s Xmas .
I forgot actually till just now , last year she equated my allergy to another who was vegetarian. Yes maybe I should of just brought my own but it wasn’t nice doing that last year and I only went to catch up with actual friends. If I am being unreasonable then the only answer next year is to avoid it completely and not go which given her attitude is probably the only way forward.

Sorry don’t mean to drip feed I did contact the leader a few days ago asking her to resend the email specifically stating blue cheese as an issue. She didn’t . Some folk remembered from last year. One didn’t . I don’t expect people to remember but generally when they know are happy to oblige so it can be fun for everyone.

Yes, she was rubbish not taking your allergy seriously. But, as the mum of a kid with a severe allergy, I kind of think you aren't either. That kind of bring and share situation is highly risky unless everyone knows and you are absolutely sure they have taken precautions. It's not up to other people to manage the risk. You have to do that yourself. Yes, it sucks not to be able to eat what everyone else is eating, but that is unfortunately your cross to bear. Lots of people have to deal with stuff that sucks - this is just your sucky things

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney I thought it was rare too, but then I met my biological father and several of his family are allergic. But we all have penicillin allergy too.
Then I met my husband - who also is allergic to both!

Queenrollo I have a penicillin allergy too. Luckily this is not often served at parties!

A lot of people on this thread including the OP are very ill informed about allergies. There are iGE allergies which the OP has but there are also none iGE allergies. See here for more info www.isitcowsmilkallergy.co.uk/about-CMA/what-is-CMA/types-of-cows-milk-allergy/

As a parent of a child and baby with allergies I would never trust others knowledge about food unless I had read the labels myself. I also bring food for my child and myself.

I'm allergic to blue cheese, am also allergic to penicillin.

Also allergic to kiwi, strawberries, raspberries and shellfish!

My family have a whole collection of allergies - buffets are interesting!

@scrappydappydoo I get a reaction around my mouth and an itchy throat if I take a bite out of an unpeeled apple. However I picked some apples which hadn’t been treated with pesticides and had no reaction- so I suspect it is the pesticides on the skin rather than the apple itself. Not sure if you’ve tried this but it’s not always easy to get pesticide free apples.

It’s difficult to say re the allergy, as PP said they are on a sliding scale. If I had a severe allergy I would bring my own food as I wouldn’t be able to know how seriously other cooks had taken cross contamination.

Honestly I would take your own as you can't guarantee there's been no cross contamination. I know someone with an allergy to blue cheese who had a problem at Franky and Bennies due to her meal being prepared nearby to one of their blue cheese burgers. It isn't worth the risk.

Weirdly milk and ice cream really upset my stomach but butter is okay and a lot of cheese is too, only ones higher in lactose make me unwell, though one of those is brie which makes me very sad.

YABU to expect a buffet bring-and-share situation to cater to your allergy if it's severe.
Take your own food and enjoy the company rather than expecting the uninformed to accomodate your dietary requirements.

I'm also allergic to blue cheese OP. Ditto penicillin. And I carry an EpiPen for a quorn allergy (yes, really). Not many people believe that one though. No, quorn isn't 'made from mushrooms' ffs.

Thankfully I absolutely loathe the smell and taste of the stuff