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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think weddings are an overpriced RIP-off?

76 replies

Bluffingwithmymuffin · 14/12/2019 09:06

I am currently planning my wedding in SE England but am increasingly frustrated at how much venues and caterers charge. I have a total budget of £15k but it seems to get swallowed up in an instant even for non-fancy venues. One eco-barn venue which stank of cow poo was charging £12k!!

AIBU to think the wedding industry is an uncompetitive arip-off industry?

OP posts:
LadyFlumpalot · 14/12/2019 11:58

@Tubridy You've quoted my post and have assumed I bought into the Barbie insipid nonsense.

My wedding day was definitely the most important/expensive day and party I will ever have.

It defined the day I married the man I loved. It started our marriage and for that reason it is very important to me I have photos of me with my deceased mum and for that reason it is a priceless memory.

It was definitely the most expensive party I have ever and will ever throw and it came in at just over £5k.

I hired a sports venue for £200. I scrapped the posh dinner and had a hog roast for £600. I bought in barrels of cider in lieu of champagne. We had no speeches, no formalities, no sit down dinner so no table decorations. We danced and ate and had fun til 1am then we got changed and went to the local crappy nightclub. We got up the next morning and went back to the rugby club to scrape up the chaos. It was awesome.

It was still the most expensive party I will ever throw but not a single scrap of it was buying into the baby pink, Barbie, glass carriage nonsense.

ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah · 14/12/2019 12:09

Lexilooo's advice is spot on!

It's reminded me that I made my own invitations too - it was fun, actually. The only cost was blank cards, a stencil and some ribbon which I edged them with.

thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2019 12:12

I find everything about weddings utterly twee and grabby tbh. The very idea of them brings me out in the hives.

That said I think if you are prepared to spend a bit more time on the planning and think outside the wedding box (ie with flowers/venues) you probably can save a lot. Trade off between time and money innit.

FruitcakeOfHate · 14/12/2019 12:20

YANBU.

But this, too:
People want to be fed, watered, entertained and warm.

Been to FAR too many weddings where it was about the setting and props, the guests were seen as props (except when it came to paying, always requests for money and even invitations to ones where you were expected to stay at the venue and the prices jacked up in an attempt by the B&G to recoup some of the cost of their wedding).

ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah · 14/12/2019 12:23

Weddings are only twee and grabby if people want them to be. You can have a simple wedding, and it's not obligatory to have a 'wedding list'. I didn't say anything about presents at all - some of my guests brought a gift, a couple gave money, and others didn't give us anything, which was fine by me.

SureTry · 14/12/2019 12:33

We're getting married in the spring next year, it's at a gorgeous registry office on a weekday with lovely grounds. We're only having our children and parents as guests, afterwards we will be going to a nice pub not too far from the venue. All in it won't be more than £700.

Tubridy · 14/12/2019 12:36

I was responding to what you said, @LadyFlumpalot -- how on earth would I know what kind of wedding you had?

The fact that you said it's a 'bride's' most important and expensive day' implies you think it's more important to her than to the man she's marrying, which yes, tends to suggest not just Wedding Barbie nonsense, but the kind of depressingly gendered socialisation that sees marriage as the pinnacle of a woman's life. Which in turn feeds in to the increasingly ridiculous wedding industry. It's entirely optional to buy into that stuff.

bowchicawowwow · 14/12/2019 12:37

Mine was less than £1.5k.

We got married some distance away from home and just had close family. Wore a dress I already had and borrowed outfits for the kids. Bought DH a shirt that morning. Ring was given to me by MIL. I hate fuss, frills and waste, plus we had been together a long long time and were really only getting married to cover ourselves with regards to pensions and life insurance.

Had a party for 120 in our home town the week after, venue was free as long as we used their catering which was actually really nice. I made the wedding cake and we even ran the disco. We asked for no presents or dressing up and we had the best night.

AiryFairyMum · 14/12/2019 12:44

Church halls are better than village halls. You have to do it all yourself - bring in your own caterer, provide alcohol etc but it is definitely do able.

stripeypillowcase · 14/12/2019 12:45

yanbu
but that's why we just booked a private room in a restaurant for a 'family occasion'.
cost us 1.5k for 20 guests for the whole evening.
no deco of course but nice enough.
food was a choice of 2 meat/2 veg dishes.
(admittedly this was 15 years ago)

AiryFairyMum · 14/12/2019 12:45

Pub function rooms can work too.

Celebelly · 14/12/2019 12:54

We got married yesterday for under £1000. Probably under £500 as my dad paid for our meal, which was about £400.

We had registry office ceremony (£175) which was really personal and lovely. Then my mum had rented a gorgeous Air BnB and held a champagne reception with cake there. Then we went to an amazing restaurant for our meal. My dress was £60 from Next and gorgeous!

Pick the things that for important. For us, it was spending quality time with guests so we only wanted very close family and friends, a nice meal that wasn't mass-catered or a wedding-by-numbers type thing and that catered for everyone's choice, and an informal ceremony.

My SIL who came said they wished they'd done similar but felt pressured into the bigger wedding by family and didn't actually enjoy it as much as they'd hoped, so make sure you're doing it for you!

HeronLanyon · 14/12/2019 13:01

I absolutely loathe the wedding industry/hype/pushing of over priced nonsense. I do think it’s become so draining for everyone much of the joy has gone from many couples’ preparation and the day itself. I have friends organising weddings now and they are stressed beyond belief. I’m a very firm believer in the couple and close family and friends doing something ultra simple/cheap rather than stressful over priced nonsense. Apols - feel strongly about this.

Original poster
Bluffingwithmymuffin · 14/12/2019 13:06

I live in a rural, posh part of West Kent. The nice village halls that are around £500-£1k to hire are booked up for the next 2 years. The few with availability are either too small, or lack wheelchair access/accessible toilets which is important for my family.

You've given me some great tips. I think ultimately I would like a venue where I can bring in my own caterer and have a live band/good entertainment. I'm not fussed about a Pinterest wedding.

My 2 favourite weddings: 1 was in a village hall with afternoon tea, an ice cream van and a great band. The second was abroad in a vineyard, the best thing was how welcoming and hospitable the foreign family were - everything was laid back and good fun.

I'm frustrated because when I started I thought £15k was a healthy budget but it's actually half the UK average spend on a wedding

OP posts:
bettyjune07 · 14/12/2019 13:08

We went to scotland it cost 4K for everything! Only had 20 of us at the wedding and decided against the big reception as the 20 people who were there were the ones who play a big role in our lives.

We had a church ceremony, a gorgeous hotel with a 3 course meal and 2 night stay in a bridal suite. Photographer, videographer, bag pipes, flowers, cake, wedding car from the hotel to the church and back. It was lush and Scotland is a beautiful country! Have a look on gretna wedding bureau x

Original poster
Bluffingwithmymuffin · 14/12/2019 13:08

Congratulations @Celebelly! That sounds like a wonderful day

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 14/12/2019 13:16

Arguably the most important and expensive day/party of a brides life

If it’s more about the day for a bride rather than the vows and lifetime of commitment then I’d be having serious doubts about the relationship.

Given the average spend many could have far lower mortgages or get on the housing ladder etc rather than spend on a days party.

AiryFairyMum · 14/12/2019 14:28

If you're rural, do you know anyone with land or a big garden for a marquee?

TwattingDog · 14/12/2019 15:07

A marquee often works out significantly more expensive, let alone all the extra work you, the bride and groom, will have to put in to setting up, decorating, clearing up the next day etc. Decent toilets are expensive to hire, you'll need power, table and chairs, lots of staff to deal with the bar, food service or you'll be cooking for days beforehand....

I looked into it as we have a family field, but it would have been megabucks and I didn't want to have to do all the work the day after my wedding....

Loopytiles · 14/12/2019 15:17

Assume the venues are not booked on weekdays. Priority criteria for you seem to be: a large party; your grandparents’ attendance (which limits travel / venue options); marrying on a weekend; and budget. There are tensions between some of these, so you may need to decide which are most important.

NameChangeNugget · 14/12/2019 15:24

Tedious to boot. YANBU

Whiskeylover45 · 14/12/2019 15:59

A wedding is only as expensive as you make it. Outs came to just under 5k. The most expensive things were the dress, the church, a family friend did the DJ at mates rates, car was booked by distance which was only twenty mins from my house. I made all the decorations, being a SAHM I could though and fully understand why people pay for them to get rid of the hassle. Flowers I bought fake off ebay, some of them.from China looked as good as the real thing. Hired the church hall, a stones throw from the church, and did it ourselves. Did my own makeup, got my local hairdressers to do our hair which was a fraction of the price as we didnt go to a salon. Bridesmaids bought their own dresses, I said whatever you want so long as its light blue. Flower girls dresses off ebay. Costume jewelry. Coco for the buffet.

The thing is though, before I got married someone told me some good advice: it doesnt matter what centre pieces you have as none except yourself will remember them. What they will remember is how you made them.feel. we had kids at our wedding and I set up a kids corner for them.to play with, a very good friend of mine set up activities. It was one of the best days of my life and didnt leave us in tons of debt. Most of the costs of wedding is paying for someone to do it for you, which I get as the stress of doing it myself was huge. But ultimately saved thousands by doing that.

Hope you get it all sorted

UnaOfStormhold · 14/12/2019 19:18

One tip is to try searching for wedding package £2020 or whatever year you want to get married. We used a Mercure hotel package and were very happy, the total cost £3500. This is one of their sister hotels; httpss://www.mercuretunbridgewells.co.uk/offer/2020-wedding-offer/

Abouttimemum · 14/12/2019 19:25

Ours cost less than 5k, 10 years ago so would likely cost more now, we spent more on the honeymoon. It was at a nice hotel, we had a bbq for the meal, and a grand behind the bar for guests. Just treat it like a party really. Ultimately all I wanted was to be married and have a blast.
It really doesn’t have to cost so much.

Perrinelli81 · 14/12/2019 19:29

I agree.
It’s got a bit silly.
I know a friend of a friend who has set up as a wedding planner and I just think it’s all a bit 🤮 and ridiculous how much industry has sprung up around it. People shouldn’t be whipping people up into a frenzy thinking they have to have this and that. And all the wedding “styling” and the special magazines/websites/Pinterest stuff.