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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think weddings are an overpriced RIP-off?

76 replies

Bluffingwithmymuffin · 14/12/2019 09:06

I am currently planning my wedding in SE England but am increasingly frustrated at how much venues and caterers charge. I have a total budget of £15k but it seems to get swallowed up in an instant even for non-fancy venues. One eco-barn venue which stank of cow poo was charging £12k!!

AIBU to think the wedding industry is an uncompetitive arip-off industry?

OP posts:
ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah · 14/12/2019 10:35

They're only expensive if you choose to spend a fortune on them. If you think it's worth it to spend £15k on your wedding, that's great, but there are other options. Don't feel you have to have a huge wedding just because your family and friends expect it. Most big weddings are very samey, anyway - it's the smaller ones that tend to be different and memorable.

catspyjamas123 · 14/12/2019 10:35

Better to not get married and use the money for a house deposit. Make sure you have a legal agreement saying who put in what percentage Btw.

Ohyesiam · 14/12/2019 10:46

We had a village hall, it cost £300 for the weekend. Is that a possibility in your area?
We hung wide steps of white paper down the walls between the windows, and put circles of flowers in front of them, it looked lovely. I got 12 buckets of flowers from the weekly WI market , enough for table And wall decorations.
We had a ceilidh band that cost £400 and did spotify dj after that. Got everyone to email us their favourite songs.
Free bar, we bought it all on supermarket special offers, and paid a neighbour’s son to organise it and keep the ice buckets full, but it was a serve yourself thing.
Finger buffet was about £9 a head.
Whole thing was less than £3000.

Just don’t google anything with ‘ wedding’ in front of it!

Ohyesiam · 14/12/2019 10:50

Oh and this was mid July, height of wedding season.
We had no official photographer, either ,but asked people to take loads of pics and send them to a google photos link that we put up on the foyer. That worked really well.

I wouldn’t have changed a thing about it.

Logjam · 14/12/2019 10:51

Pop out at lunch time and get married in a registry office - the whole wedding thing is bullshit. Never understood the attraction of it...it's such a bloody boring day and every couple tries their hardest to create something unique...it's just one day, save your money.

Loopytiles · 14/12/2019 10:51

YANBU on mark ups for venues, food, alcohol. Unless you want small numbers or a community centre type venue it’s hard to have a wedding party on a budget.

Bluffingwithmymuffin · 14/12/2019 10:58

Great tips - thank you all. I've looked at village halls but they are very popular in my area and charge minimum £2k for dry hire, then I would need to hire everything on top. I am not bothered about all the frills like favours, matching dressing gowns etc but think its ridiculous to be quoted £70 per head for essentially a sunday roast type meal, and lots of venues force the buyer to use their preferred caterer.

I understand paying for quality and skill, but this industry really needs to become more competitive in England. In Scotland beautiful venues are generally cheaper, couples can also legally be married outdoors. I'm tempted to get married there with close family and friends, then have a party when I get back however that would exclude disabled elderly grandparents who will be upset. I thought I would love wedding planning but I find it incredibly frustrating!

OP posts:
bluebeck · 14/12/2019 10:59

Elope. Weddings are a disgusting waste of money.

QueenofmyPrinces · 14/12/2019 11:03

We had our wedding 5 months after the proposal so we got loads of last minute deals and cancellation prices.

Our final cost was about £16k and we had an amazing wedding!

undercoveraessedai · 14/12/2019 11:07

Been a bridesmaid 13 times, and am also a photographer, but not a wedding photographer. I agree that as soon as you mention "wedding" or "hen party" prices go up from, say, a similar service or venue for a birthday or friends gathering.

But from my professional life I can tell you that this is partly because the minute you mention weddings your insurance goes up (in every industry) and also, couples getting married usually have very high expectations of the services they're booking, because of the ridiculously high importance weddings are given in our society.

There are definitely ways to bring the cost down, especially if you're quite relaxed about things (bouquet previously mentioned, week day in off-peak season, etc).

I can't speak for venues, but please know that most independent suppliers (your photographer, cake maker, make up and hair etc) are covering their costs for one of the most important days of your life, and not trying to rip you off!

MereDintofPandiculation · 14/12/2019 11:13

I think this dates back from the freeing up of regulations about where you could get married. When the choice was your parish church or your local registry office, things were much easier. Now people can get married in a memorable venue, everyone wants to make their wedding the one that nobody will forget, and costs rocket.

RandomMess · 14/12/2019 11:16

I got married in the SE and the main reason I think it so much more expensive there is because there are plenty of people that can afford the ridiculous prices so it's down to supply and demand unfortunately.

We didn't have a photographer as we just couldn't afford it on our budget. Ours was very low key but as I married in a baptist church and used their hall for the buffet (church member) that was a huge saving on fees and room hire. We gave a donation but they knew our financial situation but Catholic and CofE have set fees that they HAVE to charge.

ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah · 14/12/2019 11:20

I understand paying for quality and skill, but this industry really needs to become more competitive in England.

It's only expensive because people are prepared to pay silly prices. If everyone walked away from prices that were too expensive, then prices would come down - basic supply and demand theory.

The previous poster made a good point about expectations as well. I'm not saying you'd be like this, OP, but there are people who'd start talking about ££££ compensation for a 'ruined day' if their napkins had the wrong edging, or there was no parsley garnish on the sandwiches. They pay a fortune to have things 'exactly right' which is their choice if details are important to them, but it does mean everyone gets tarred with the same brush.

I got married in my DH's home town, which is 200 miles from where I live. I asked my mum who lives nearby to order me a bouquet from a local florist to carry on the day - I genuinely didn't care what it looked like or what flowers were in it - I was wearing a traditional white wedding dress (£70 eBay bargain - unworn!) so any colours would 'go' with it. My mum told me the florist had almost refused to order it when she'd explained it was for a wedding and the bride wouldn't be seeing it in advance! In the event the bouquet was lovely.

TwattingDog · 14/12/2019 11:21

We were lucky enough to get our venue for free. Other than that though, the whole thing came in at
£600 dress
£100 alterations
£30 shoes
Military uniform for DH (free)
£150 hair for me and MOH including trials and the beads
Free make up by friend
£90 dress for MOH
£10 shoes for MOH
£2500 evening do comprising massive buffet meal for the wedding breakfast, drink on arrival and pasties in the evening
£100 for cheese "cake" including delivery
£300 photographer (wish we hadn't bothered and stuck to our guns on getting friends and family to take their own photos - every staged photo looks dreadfully uncomfortable)
£100 flowers including church and bouquets - MOH and I made our bouquets thing night before with a bottle of wine!
Maybe another £100 on random bits
So that's what, £4kish?

ForalltheSaints · 14/12/2019 11:25

Supply and demand. Most people want summer Saturday weddings. Also even with the change in the law to allow non-religious places to host weddings, there are still many people who want to marry in a church, when they hardly ever go otherwise to a church service.

Toddlerteaplease · 14/12/2019 11:29

I've always fancied having my wedding reception in Ikea cafe. Everyone can have meatballs and chips. What's not to like!!

ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah · 14/12/2019 11:30

My wedding was a summer Saturday, but it only cost about £1000 (15 years ago) in total because I only had 20 guests; bride and groom's outfits were from eBay, and we had a sit down meal in a nice old pub with money behind the bar but no evening do. The ceremony was in a register office, so the only charge was the admin fees. We made our usual annual holiday into our honeymoon, so no extra cost there, either.

Chista · 14/12/2019 11:32

Where abouts in South East? Some registry offices double up as wedding venues and are quite lovely - Oxford comes to mind.
Weddings are ridiculously over expensive and yes they up the price as soon as you say wedding.

Househunt1 · 14/12/2019 11:36

Get married abroad so much cheaper and you can guarantee the weather and beautiful photos and backdrops. Mine was £8000 including the actual holiday and i didn't scrimp on anything

AJPTaylor · 14/12/2019 11:36

A village hall charges 2k for day hire? Where is it? The Sandringham estate?
Another mumsnet paralell universe moment.

firstimemamma · 14/12/2019 11:36

We're going to have a small, simple ceremony followed by a nice meal in a restaurant.

No more than 2k and fewer than 20 guests. We really couldn't care less about bridesmaids, a wedding dress, music, a first dance or fancy posey photos etc so we're simply not bothering with any of it! We had 1k that I could've spent on a dress but I gave every penny to a charity close to my heart.

All that matters to us is obviously getting married / being husband and wife, me changing my name, having at least 1 photo and having our son there. None of those things are expensive.

Doing it our way. I appreciate it's not for everyone though and that others prefer to spend more.

thecalmorchid · 14/12/2019 11:38

There are so many ways to do a really beautiful inexpensive wedding.

Our was small affair of about 40 guests.

Many years ago we hired a large country house for a 'family party' out of prime season. We had the house for a weekend and an few days for £2000

Local registry office for ceremony and back to the house for teas on the beautiful lawns.

As we rented the venue for longer I had chance to settle in and decorate with my own flowers ordered wholesale, in peace.

The entire event cost £16,000, that included absolutely everything including dresses, suits, flowers, food, rings, ceremony and accommodation as people slept at the house.

It was a lovely relaxed time.

It is possible but you have to be clever. The moment you pre-book for a wedding the costs double. But if you are not booking early specifically for a wedding the delivery might not be so accurate, so you have to be prepared to go with the flow.

Tubridy · 14/12/2019 11:41

A wedding. Arguably the most important and expensive day/party of a brides life.

Only if you actually have that dimwit Wedding Barbie mindset, surely. Women and men alike are, after all, entirely free to consider it a nice, inexpensive back garden party, or a quickie legal ceremony on their lunchbreak.

AJPTaylor · 14/12/2019 11:42

Just checking I wasn't going mad.
Local village hall to us. East Sussex very pretty.
Commercial kitchen, parking, disabled and baby changing facilities. Crockery and cutlery for 100.
Saturday hire 13 pounds an hour from 9.00 until 6.00. A hundred quid from 6pm to 11.30pm.
So may be you need to calm down a bit.

Lexilooo · 14/12/2019 11:45

My best advice would be to think about weddings you have been to and think about what you remember about them.

I would wager it was things like whether the food was decent rather than whether there were chair covers. Can you remember the favours at any? Did you use any or are they just accumulated stuff? Did you even see what the bride had on her feet? Could you tell whether her pearl earrings were genuine?

Then think about what lasts beyond the day, basically the photos, the rings, and the vows.

Spend your money on those two categories, things that will last and things that people will remember. Don't bother with the rest or do it cheaply.

So we did our own invitations, seating plan, order of service, place cards etc it cost the price of some coloured card.

Me and my bridesmaids did our own hair and make-up. We helped each other and my mum did my hair. None of us have any qualifications or special skills.

We had no chair covers, special table linen or decorations beyond a flower arrangement per table.

The button holes were roses bought at the supermarket the night before.

We didn't have wedding cars. We drove ourselves there and I got changed at the venue.

We served sparking wine rather than champagne (most people can't tell the difference and many prefer cava/prosecco to champagne anyway) we preferred to be able to serve our guests more drinks.

We made sure the food and the photographer were good (although not the most expensive options). I didn't scrimp on my dress, because it was important to me, the bonus was that the wonderful corsetry meant I didn't need expensive underwear just a pair of M&S knickers!

My shoes were hand me downs or vintage depending upon your view but free.

We did rent decent suits for the men but this was cheaper than buying and neither groom nor best man had anything suitable.

We used recorded classical music apart from during the signing of the register when a friend performed as a gift.

The cake was made as a gift by my sister (it was huge and tasted great, we still have some left 10 years later!).

Oh and we haggled the price of our gorgeous venue and had a sunday rather than a Saturday which made somethings cheaper.