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AIBU?

To ask how long after giving birth you had sex

53 replies

Rezaminelli · 14/12/2019 00:20

Good morning, name changed for this as I have posted a few things lately and don't want them piecing together in real life.

I've recently realised my ex was abusive throughout our relationship. We have a child together.

I had sex with him 5 days after childbirth...I didn't want to. I said no and I gave in because I thought he'd cheat again or leave me if I didn't. This has made me sad.

It's left me wondering how long others waited - because I know he would say "you wanted it" but who in their right mind wants sex 5 days after childbirth? Anyone?

OP posts:
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Lordofmisrule19 · 14/12/2019 06:04

Name change because dh likes to read my posts....

4 days and wasn't ready either op. I'm finding out how wrong this was, so I know how you are feeling.Thanks

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Blahblahblah12345 · 14/12/2019 06:19

8 weeks as she had gotten stuck and had to be vacuumed out. But she had torn me inside. So for me 8 weeks was too soon. 4 months later it's still uncomfortable

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CodenameVillanelle · 14/12/2019 06:23

I waited until I wanted to Flowers
Pestering for sex is abuse. It can be really hard to look back on relationships and see where we have been abused, and the realisations can feel like a blow. All I can say is well done for getting out. Your life and body is once again yours to control.

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Mypathtriedtokillme · 14/12/2019 06:36

With my 1st about 18 weeks (post C section with a baby who had awful screaming colic) and with my 2nd about 12 weeks (Vbac)

Prior to that I wasn’t interested and way too tired. Dh waited till I wanted and was the one to instigate without a word about it.

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schoolsoutforever · 14/12/2019 06:43

Nine months. My husband didn't complain at all. It's very sad that you felt the pressure to have sex when you didn't want to. I'm afraid he doesn't sound like a good man at all. I'm sorry this happened to you, it sounds like you haven't got much confidence.

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Nuttyaboutnutella · 14/12/2019 06:46

With dc1, 6 weeks. I was petrified (stitches for 2nd degree tear) but wanted to rip the plaster off essentially. DP was great, very attentive and happy to wait but it was okay.

With dc2, didn't tear and felt up for sex 2 weeks after birth. It was about a month though as we just didn't get a chance (complete velcro baby)

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NemophilistRebel · 14/12/2019 06:47

2 weeks

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RhymingRabbit3 · 14/12/2019 06:49

About 5 months. I didnt have a traumatic birth or much tearing at all, but between sleep deprivation, unsexy breastfeeding, baby in the bedroom and my partner and I both having quite a low sex drive it just didnt happen.

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Stegosaurus1990 · 14/12/2019 06:51

I had forceps, a third degree tear and episiotomy and was about 3 weeks. My birth was awful but my recovery was really good. Goes to show everyone is different.

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CocoLoco87 · 14/12/2019 06:52

DC1 we waited 12 months. I can only describe it as I felt violated downstairs by having a human pass out of me. I didn't want DH coming anywhere near me. In hindsight, I should have got counselling. I made my mind up to dtd with him and get it over with, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I felt absolutely lousy because all my friends seemed to be at it constantly with their partners and lots of them were having sex 2 weeks after birth. I felt like I was unusual and the only one taking so long to get on with it. I wish I had discovered mumsnet back then as I would have found support in the lovely people here!

Second DC was 9 months. I was determined not to let it get to a year!

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Babyfg · 14/12/2019 07:41

Ds1 8months
Dd 6 months

Kids affected our relationship a lot.

Op I hope you are able to come to terms with what happened and I am glad you're now free now ❤️

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Newbie1981 · 14/12/2019 07:42

6 weeks. I did it because hadn't had it in the last 3 months of pregnancy so felt bad for my husband.

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NoParticularPattern · 14/12/2019 07:47

First baby was about 6/7 weeks once I felt like my insides weren’t falling out 😂😂. Second was 2 weeks. But my husband didn’t pressure me either time- he actually asked if I was sure and I just said yes but if it hurts we will stop. I was lucky it was fine after 2nd/3rd degree tears.

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BlackSwanGreen · 14/12/2019 07:49

DC1 5 weeks
DC2 12 weeks
DC3 I can't remember!

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TartanMarbled · 14/12/2019 08:04

3 weeks each time (c sections)

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PokeThePoker · 14/12/2019 08:08

10 months

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Acheypelvis · 14/12/2019 08:10

2 weeks. Would have earlier but didn't think it was a good idea. My libido sky rockets days after having the baby. then it nose dives a couple of weeks later. So it's obviously hormonal. I am 8 months post partum with baby 4. I would say we did 2 to 3 times a week. Sometimes we don't. It's not set in stone. However I have a friend who has just had her 3rd baby and she is 1 years old and she hasnt DTD again yet. Actually my friendship group tend to agree with her. A lot of them aren't even on contraception as they have no plans to DTD for a while. Silly in my opinion as they will DTD at some point. Probably without contraception then be surprised when they are pregnant again. That's exactly how some of them have their 2nd or 3rd child. The mind boggles how they are surprised by it!

Going off on a tangent now.
Your ex was wrong. It doesn't matter when any ones DTD again. Everyone is different. And depends on libido and life events. If kids are easy or healthy/unhealthy etc. Your recovery mentally and physically

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mrssoap · 14/12/2019 08:31

5 weeks with one of mine, I felt fine. The others I can't remember but think it was over the recommended 6 weeks just cos I couldn't be bothered lol

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user1493413286 · 14/12/2019 08:49

6 weeks but I’d had a c section so I was worried about my scar but nothing was sore or recovering

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dottycat123 · 14/12/2019 08:56

Ds1,7 days, Ds2, 10 days so sooner than most but I had no stitches with either and had stopped bleeding.

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Justonedayatatime11 · 14/12/2019 08:58

3 years! I honestly felt like I never wanted anyone near me ever again

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christmasathome · 14/12/2019 09:05

Months and months for us but that was down to DH and his low sex drive and reluctance to have sex anywhere near our baby 😂

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Newbie1999 · 14/12/2019 09:07

About 5 weeks with first, a couple of months with second (nastier tear)!

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Bloke23 · 14/12/2019 09:07

My wanted it after 2 weeks, i didnt feel comfortable doing it, so around 5 weeks

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Newbie1999 · 14/12/2019 09:08

Barely did it in pregnancy though.

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