To be completely hurt over this?

[crystal765]

Sorry I've NC.

DP and I were talking earlier and we had a conversation where he said he was going to drink more but decided against it in the end. I said it annoyed me that he even thought about doing it (would mean potentially putting him over the limit). He then said "it's like saying I thought about having sex with someone which is cheating"

I said it is bad, having those thoughts are still unfair. He then said that he has imagined having sex with other women when we are having sex. He said they're usually celebrities but not sure I believe this.

It is hurtful because I always imagined in the moment someone would be transfixed by me, my body etc.

AIBU and overly sensitive? The idea of having sex with him again is making me feel gross.

I told him If you want Angelina jolie that badly I suggest you go get her. Shame she wouldn’t be interested in you. But neither am I now

LOVE this.

Engaged for five years. Sounds like he’s just not into you. It’s a strange thing for him to in in a conversation about drink driving.

@Yetanotherwinter no together 5 years, engaged 11 months, wedding next summer

@crystal765 congratulations. Hope you get it sorted. Maybe you need to start thinking of Colin Firth and see how he likes that.

I think that after 5 years in a relationship he would realise this is a hurtful thing to say. Only rhino think skin wouldn’t realise that. So, he knows he hurt you but doesn’t care that much- even when you clearly say you’re hurt he is not addressing your feelings but instead is showing you some crap research articles.
Sorry but it sounds like he’s pushing for you to accept this as normal. Some ppl would be just fine with his statement however you’re not and he is not making it any better - that’s the problem.
He sounds quite detached, why?

I always feel sorry for the women who come on here for advice and support, feeling understandably upset, and who they get told that their OP surely doesn't respect or love them, they should rethink the relationship etc. Way to kick someone when they are down!
When there is obvious abuse and infidelity sure, but here it's a case of someone behaving like a dick. Which we all do at times!

He sounds like an idiot. You aren’t married and have no kids so I’d leave him. You don’t need to put up with his inadequate rubbish.

Don’t marry him, he’s nasty. What he said was cruel. Designed to hurt. And now he’s telling you you have no right to be upset.

Absolute wanker OP. Do the smart thing. It would be self-destructive stupidity to carry on with him.

I actually suspect he doesn’t want to marry you and is approaching it the cowards way - trying to make life so difficult you end it.

I always feel sorry for the women who come on here for advice and support, feeling understandably upset, and who they get told that their OP surely doesn't respect or love them, they should rethink the relationship

I see that too. However I understand that, and would never dream tell anyone to leave anyone. But on the other hand, life's too short to be made to feel second best, disrespected or unappreciated. I always get shocked at how much some people are willing to put up with in relationships. Each to their own tho.

Personally I think I'd rather be single than be with someone who justifies their shitty behaviour and making me feel bad about myself with online articles.

Not to mention he was willing to have more to drink therefore risking OP's life (and other people's lives).

Clearly people have their reasons to come up with that sort of advice.
I have been known to advise strangers online to break up , when the picture is really grim.
But I think it can do more harm than good and upset someone who is already gutted when the advice is based on one shitty incident.
I do agree that the way he is justifying himself and stubbornly saying he is right needs to be challenged though. That's a twat move.

Let's be honest, even if I should, I'm probably not going to leave him for this.

DP is currently still justifying it and saying it's a fact and I'm the abnormal one for being offended. Going to watch tv, snuggle my pooch and snooze.

I've gained some weight recently (more an 8-10 than a 6-8) and I am struggling with it mentally. DP has mentioned that he couldn't ever date someone bigger than a 10, not to me personally but in general. Maybe he's just a dick!

I agree. And we only ever get one side of the story too. Hate that OP now feels shitty and insecure about herself tho. Doubt she'll be rushing to have sex with him soon too. He's a bit of a plank really, way to go to ruin your sex life 😂

He's an idiot. He's also a bloke. Like it or not we are different. It's very unfeminist to say so, but as females our whole biological reason for being around is to raise cubs. The best way to do that is to have a reliable, strong, faithful father for our offspring, who only has us and our offspring to feed. Males, on the other hand, are biologically wired to reproduce in great numbers, so they are predisposed to spread their nets wide. Hence, when they do that, females get jealous, upset, frightened their cubs will suffer. It is a completely normal reaction to his idiocy and insensitivity. I am not excusing him in the slightest, it's no excuse for being a twat. Tell him how you feel. Tell him he's an idiot. Expect a very lovely christmas present. Move on. If he does it again, consider life as a strong, single, independent woman who can feed her own damn cubs. Don't let it ruin your christmas.

Size 10 is nothing. Pleaseeeee. What a knob. Failing to see what the attraction with him is here. The more you say, the worse he seems

He's not the brightest bulb in the box either is he?!! Tells fiance he fantasies about others during sex, will likely expect sex....

I thought everyone did it! I do it . I wouldn't be surprised or care if my husband did. It s just a bit of fun. I love him and wouldn't cheat on him.

He said he couldn't date anyone over a size 10? Wow he is charming lol.
Still not telling you to dump him, but as a size 14 this makes me laugh out loud.
What a shallow thing to say!

The one piece of advice I will give you though... do not make yourself lose weight for him. Or for anyone else for that matter.
I have only started to learn this recently but I can't say it enough. You do not owe other people to look a certain way, other than yourself. Your body, your clothes, your hair. Not negotiable

Blimey this is all a bit immature. How old are you both?

Firstly thinking he will be all "transfixed" and "in love" with your body is just well, kinda icky. Secondly he was a twat to tell you what he did, it was cruel and designed to hurt you. Thirdly he's an arsehole for his weight comments.

No idea why you're with a man like this, im assuming you're both very young, however personally I'd have kicked him to the kerb.

But why wouldn’t you leave someone who’s so, well, so crap? So nasty to you? Why would you think it’s best to stay with someone like that?

He sounds like a fuckin prick, OP.

Your poor thing. I'm jealous of your pooch snuggles - can't wait to get a dog.

His point is completely different, degrading and insulting. He's letting you know that if you criticise him, his response will be to make you feel like shite by taking a big chunk out of your self esteem. It's an awful thing to do and certainly not something you do to someone you respect and love.

It's a massive problem to think drink driving is ok.
It's a massive problem to say something like that to your partner.

It doesn't bode well, OP. I think you'll have more luck with the dog than him. Trusty, reliable, always available for a snuggle. A pooch is a best friend!

@PlinkPlink unfortunately we own the dog together. Although she definitely loves me more

He is just a tool. He is normally nice, often is far too complimentary.
But this is just quite cutting and mean, he knows I am not thick skinned and very emotional. I've told him I won't ever be touching him again. Let's see what happens!

@Hellofromtheotherside2020 thank you for being so kind, it's made me smile!

Agree with plinkplink. Dog sounds like a million times more of a man than your erm 'man'.....

I retract my previous statement about never telling anyone to leave anyone. Leave this pig of a man child. Anyone who feels it's acceptable to chip away at someone's self esteem to justify drink driving (of all things!!) doesn't deserve to be anyone's fiance. Wow. Can guarantee you that no other self respecting woman would want him! And then to claim you're blowing it all out of proportion??!! Just wow.

And yes, for the record, most people probably do think of other people during sex. That's one thing. But to then tell their partner?!! Does he have aspergers or something similar?

The main issue is, he was willing to compromise YOUR life and that of other road users because he wanted more beer. As someone who has lost a family member due to being hit by a drunk driver (who was not much over the limit), this is fucking disgraceful.