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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what to do with this teddy bear

33 replies

ILikePandas15 · 13/12/2019 12:17

My Fil's wife brought round a Teddy bear for my dc. She said it used to be her daughters. It was a nice gesture but its old (from the 90s the label says) and we'll loved by the look of it. I have too many toys for my dc and my house is getting cluttered and I'm getting rid of toys my dc doesn't play with to take it to the charity shop. What do I do with this teddy - take to charity shop or give it back to fil's wife since she said it was her daughters or would that offend her? If I take it to charity shop is there a chance she might ask where it is or ask for it back?

OP posts:
BanginChoons · 13/12/2019 12:18

Can you not just keep it for a while?

Original poster
ILikePandas15 · 13/12/2019 12:20

But how long will I need to keep it for? What if it's years? My dc does not play with it and has many teddy bears that are in better condition

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 13/12/2019 12:20

From the 90s isn't old. Smile

Keep the bear, if necessary put it on a high shelf. get rid of something else or cope with one extra teddy.

You absolutely run the risk of offending if you give it straight back.

TeenPlusTwenties · 13/12/2019 12:21

How long have you had it for?
Keep it until the DC has 'grown out of playing with cuddlies' and then offer it back.

Original poster
ILikePandas15 · 13/12/2019 12:24

Had it a few months.
Is it likely she will ask for it back?

OP posts:
LucyLocketss · 13/12/2019 12:24

Christ - it's a Teddy not a full sized giraffe. What an absolute load of nonsense. Just pop it on a shelf or in a cupboard. I assume it isn't life sized?

Smile and say thanks and you appreciate the gesture.
God some people are just so rude and downright baffling

LucyLocketss · 13/12/2019 12:25

@ILikePandas15 you ask if it's likely she will ask for it back

How the bloody hell do we know?!!

Whatsnewpussyhat · 13/12/2019 12:27

Charity shop will just bin it.
It isn't vintage or valuable and won't have the CE mark on the label.

Ask if she wants it back. If not bin it.

Crawley65 · 13/12/2019 12:32

That was a kind gesture from her and if I was her I’d be upset if you got rid of it. Just pop it in dc bedroom and in a year or so ask if she’d like it back as dc have outgrown it.

If she kept it this long it probably has sentimental memories for her.

PeppermintPatty10 · 13/12/2019 12:38

What a kind gesture - your FIL’s wife must really like you to pass on a memento from her daughter’s childhood.
Definitely don’t give it to the charity shop - keep it for a while and then offer it back, ‘I know how much you must treasure the bear; we’ve had so much fun with him in the last year but I wanted you to take him home.’

WeirdPookah · 13/12/2019 12:44

It's a sentimental gesture, seriously just put it on a shelf and keep it. It cannot be that much clutter that it's worth upsetting your extended family for.

Chunkers · 13/12/2019 13:16

If you really don’t want to keep it, take it to the charity shop and if she ever asks about it, say you left it in a cafe by mistake and when you went back, it was gone.

crispysausagerolls · 13/12/2019 13:23

Sorry but you sound very nasty.

We were given similar and I have put it away in a wardrobe for the time being. It’s important to someone and I intend on keeping it as it was given with a wonderful spirit. I certainly wouldn’t give it or throw it away! Rude.

Pilot12 · 13/12/2019 13:43

Could you put it in a bin bag and stick it in the loft. Only bin it or donate it to charity if you're 100% sure she's not going to ask after it in the future.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 13/12/2019 13:54

I think you're making this into a bigger issue than it needs to be.

If having it around REALLY bothers you that much just bin it. However if you're scared about her asking for it back just stash it in the back of a wardrobe or something.

ohprettybaby · 13/12/2019 13:57

Is it likely she will ask for it back?
Why would MN posters know?

dreamyflower · 13/12/2019 14:03

We have a few of those from relatives who have died. They live in a vacuum bag at the back of the wardrobe 🙈

TopOftheNaughtyList · 13/12/2019 14:11

If you really can't find space in the back of a cupboard for a teddy bear then offer it back to her and say you're having a clear out of toys and as your DC is not playing with the teddy you thought she might like to have it back for sentimental reasons. If it used to belong to her own DD then she should have first refusal. Don't get rid of it to a charity shop without offering it back first.

Original poster
ILikePandas15 · 13/12/2019 14:38

Guess I'll put it in a wardrobe somewhere. I have anxiety about keeping stuff I don't need as I grew up with a mum that hoards. So I feel a massive sense of relief when I get rid of stuff I don't need.

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 13/12/2019 15:36

Ffs everyone on here has anxiety when they are being accused of behaving badly.

If your “anxiety” is so bad, politely explain to her you don’t have space and give it back.

Icecreamsoda99 · 13/12/2019 15:45

Actually OP I'm with you, my mother was also a some what of a hoarder and I had a ridiculous amount of cuddly toys growing up, but I felt emotionally attached to them so found it hard to give any up but also overwhelmed by the amount. I'm very conscious of this with my own child and have had to politely ask my mum not to buy any more of them for the baby as we don't have the space apart from anything else. It's sweet of you FIL wife and I think in this position you have to keep it for a while and take pp suggestion of offering to return it when "outgrown".

Tookseveralnamechanges · 13/12/2019 16:16

She will be seriously upset if you throw it away or give it to the charity shop. It has sentimental value. Take a few staged photos of dd playing with it. And tell her she has out grown it when it seems appropriate. And send her the photos and the bear together. This is what shes looking for.

If you binned something that was precious enough for someone to keep 30 years then you would be evil! Im sorry but dont give it away or throw it away. Give it back. If she ever found out she would be so upset!

Or you could tell your kid that this is relatives teddy from when they were a kid and it might just turn into theor favourite. My kids have my first toy from when i was a kid and they get to play all the same games as mommy with mommys little friend. Its sweet and i imagine she is trying to emulate that.

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 13/12/2019 16:23

Actually why didn't she give it to her daughter if it was her teddy? Or hold it for daughters children. I'd offer it to your sil or give it back saying your dc aren't into teddies and to hang onto it for daughter.

FAQs · 13/12/2019 16:25

I think that would be quite mean to bin it or give to a charity shop, it might be an inconvenient to you but either return it or put it away if your child doesn't want to play with it.

Fucck · 13/12/2019 16:31

If I'd given something sentimental I'd much prefer first refusal on having it back rather than finding out it was binned.
I don't know the type of woman she is but honestly, if it was me I would not be offended if you were to say something like "dc don't play with this like we thought they would, we are currently having a clear out of all dc surplus toys - would you like it back?" She will either gladly take it back or agree you can pass it to charity. Surely?

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