To wonder why there is no help available for me? I’m in desperate need!

[TrySleepingWithABrokenHeart]

I have posted before although I had the threads deleted for fear that I may have outed myself. If anyone recognises my username, you’ll remember that I was at absolute breaking point a few months ago.

Since then, I went to my GP and have been taking antidepressants whilst waiting for a telephone appointment with our local mental health team.

My mental health problems mainly stem from an abusive parent and then some abusive relationships. As a result of all of this, I hate myself and feel physically unclean because of the bad choices I have made as a result of this abuse.

The wait for the telephone appointment was awful but today was the day. I felt nervous but also pleased that I had made it this far.

After a 45 minute consultation, I was advised that they only offer CBT and that what I need is to process the things which happened in my childhood and early adult years. CBT wouldn’t be helpful for this, at least not until I have had some counselling.

I was given links to various charities and also private counsellors but the cheapest available is £50 per session which I just can’t afford. So I’m back to square one. I just want to get better! Why will no one help me? I’m sitting here crying because I just can’t find a way out of this 😢

Do try going to the CBT. You're almost certainly right about it not helping. I am in the same boat so I get it. I went despite knowing it wouldn't work. I had 2 appointments before they decided it wouldn't work. That was apparently the criteria to be referred on to EMDR which is genuinely the best therapy I've ever had in relation to dealing with the past. It's amazing. I need another round, I've already had two, but it has really, really helped with dealing with my childhood. Hopefully when they say all they offer is CBT, they mean that's all they offer to begin with. In the mean time, just take it day by day, or even minute by minute to get you through. Have some unmumsnety flowers.

Tory government. That's why.

Sorry you're going through such a rough time.

Why is a 2 hour round trip a problem?

There might be other charities in your area, or organisations that offer counselling/psychotherapy training where trainees see people for no/low fee (they are closely supervised and often in the later stages in their training). Or as others have said, many therapists do offer a sliding scale of fees for people on low incomes, especially if you're available to attend the less popular daytime appointments (as you mention you're currently not working) - so it's worth emailing some to ask.

Unfortunately most counselling and psychotherapy services in the NHS have been completely stopped many years ago in favour of the more "evidence based" CBT, which is not right for a lot of people.

I am in the same situation OP, just here to offer

Do you have a partner OP? In my work there is an employee assistance programme that employees and their partners are entitled to access. Phone based counsellors 247 and can set up face to face sessions too. Might be similar in other firms too?

I have found a local counsellor who charges £35 per session. I have contacted them to see if they would accept £20 per session and I have explained that I am in desperate need. I’m not holding my breath but if you don’t ask you don’t get. If they say no, I will try some others.

If that doesn’t work, I will contact the mental health team and go on the waiting list for CBT.

for all the posters who are also in this same position. It’s a truly awful place to be and I hope we can all come out the other side of this some time soon.

That’s great news OP I do hope they can adjust the cost for you. Do look at charities as mentioned earlier in the thread, it may be good support in the interim while waiting.

NAPAC (National Association for People Abused in Childhood) napac.org.uk/

Are you a member of any social minority groups that might be eligible for specific counselling services? E.g. there are organisations offering free or reduced price counselling for autistic people, Jewish women, etc.

Or are you a member (you can still sometimes be an associate member of some things even if you've left) of any organisation that might have a counselling service (university, trade union, employer, etc)? If not is there one of those things you could join cheaply?

I've been there, OP. But not for many years, thankfully.

In case it might be helpful, and in the absence of the therapeutic help that may be what is most needed, here's a list of what's worked for me:

Get outside for an absolute minimum of half an hour a day. Even if it's just around the block. Daylight and exercise are essential. Running is great (well, it's awful, but it works) - have a look at the couch to 5k.

Eat a balanced diet - lots veg and fruit, Vit D supplement. Check iron levels, spatone is good. Check Vit B levels. Watch your sugar, alcohol and caffeine levels.

'Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy' - it's written in very simple terms, isn't hugely exciting, but if you use the lessons within it you may find enormous benefit in shifting the thinking patterns that lead to depression.

Headspace/Insight Timer are free apps that have guided meditations that may help to calm and settle your thoughts, if you want to try that.

It's only in the past year that I've been able to afford therapy to get to the root of things - but all these other measures enabled me to live, function, and actually probably laid some of the foundations of what therapy is helping with now.

Do take anything that is of use from the above, ignore what isn't helpful. Feel free to pm me if you need to. You can get through this. All the best.

Can I just say a huge thank you to everyone who has replied to me. This morning, I genuinely felt like there was no way forward for me. I felt completely hopeless. I am just so grateful for everyone who has taken the time to suggest something.

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel dreadful, but you have all given me some hope of finding some support and I feel a little less alone with all of this than I did this morning.

You are so very far from alone, Try.

I found help listening to Lisa Romano, and also Richard Grannon on You Tube. Don't know if what they talk about might interest you.

I had 2 therapists offer me a reduced rate of £20 per hour and 1 said she would have gone down to £5 if I needed to, so keep asking different therapists if the first couple say no.

I also am on a waiting list with my local Rape/sexual abuse crisis centre for some free counselling, and they have a monthly friendship group.

Can also recommend Headspace App and The meaning of Life Experiment App has some lovely free meditations on.

I use loads of different things to keep me going. You really aren't alone.

You're not alone, although I know it can feel that way. If that counsellor won't reduce their prices, keep looking. Some also do skype counselling so you could try further afield if that would work for you.

trysleeping
You are important and your mental health is important, I'm glad that things are looking a little brighter and I hope you find something that works for you, let us know...
How are you doing this evening?
(((hug)))

Also going back to your initial post, the bad choices that you made, it's not your fault that you made those choices, if your upbringing was abusive then things are skewed, kind of like you don't know which way is up, you've been stitched up by your parents
It is possible to move forward and get past these things but they take a bit of unravelling

Thanks @RhinoskinhaveI. I’m not doing great but trying to stay positive and believe that things will improve. I have to believe that.

Calm in another quite good meditation app and some functionality is free. Even 5 mins can help calm your brain down when it is fizzing and all scrambled. Plus agree with the suggestion of 30 mins outside particularly in the morning if you can (something to do with the quality of the light apparently) for you OP - you are not alone....

I know you are massively not energised

But do google affordable counselling and do some research and many organisation over reduced rates

To make it affordable I do fortnightly

Sincerely have never had it any off the NHS

It’s a real bummer

Personally (and have no idea of
Your income ) I would make this your priority over anything else as it’s such a useful step

I think the other basics really really work (fresh air , exercise , avoiding alcohol , making yourself be with people, gardening , groups ) but agree in your case some decent talking therapy

Sending very very positive wishes your way

Also don’t discount phone therapy

I did six very productive months over the phone 📞

Let me know if you want me to send some links

Anxiety uk offer £10 sessions for those on low incone

I also had therapy for a period with appointments at intervals of 2 or 3 weeks, in between appointments I would do a lot of journalling writing down my thoughts and feelings then before the next appointment I would summarise all this and email it to the therapist, I feel that a lot of the work was happening in my mind between appointment and in writing it down and working it through seems like a way of getting the most out of the appointments.
I also felt that the therapist was more motivated to work with me because I was motivated to do work in between sessions.