To wonder why there is no help available for me? I’m in desperate need!

[TrySleepingWithABrokenHeart]

I have posted before although I had the threads deleted for fear that I may have outed myself. If anyone recognises my username, you’ll remember that I was at absolute breaking point a few months ago.

Since then, I went to my GP and have been taking antidepressants whilst waiting for a telephone appointment with our local mental health team.

My mental health problems mainly stem from an abusive parent and then some abusive relationships. As a result of all of this, I hate myself and feel physically unclean because of the bad choices I have made as a result of this abuse.

The wait for the telephone appointment was awful but today was the day. I felt nervous but also pleased that I had made it this far.

After a 45 minute consultation, I was advised that they only offer CBT and that what I need is to process the things which happened in my childhood and early adult years. CBT wouldn’t be helpful for this, at least not until I have had some counselling.

I was given links to various charities and also private counsellors but the cheapest available is £50 per session which I just can’t afford. So I’m back to square one. I just want to get better! Why will no one help me? I’m sitting here crying because I just can’t find a way out of this 😢

I would start what was offered as a way in. I was also do the two hour round trip.

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

I completely understand where you are at. I have a relative who committed suicide so although I have had thoughts of that nature, I will never do it, having seen what the repercussions are.

I know exactly why you’re feeling the way you do. I had a glimmer of hope this morning that I was going to start my journey of recovery, only for those hopes to be dashed and me to feel like I’ve just been left to figure it all out for myself (which I know I cannot do). Please read through this thread. People are giving us suggestions on places to seek help. Isn’t it worth exploring every single one of those? You are in desperate need. It may be worth going to your GP and telling them your plans. There should be some sort of emergency care available to you? Your life matters. It matters to me. I’m sure it matters to many others and I’m sure you can have happiness in your future even if you can’t have it right now. I’m here anytime. Feel free to PM me. Please don’t follow through with this ❤️

So sorry things are so awful OP ❤️

I had to do the CBT but at the end the therapist said I needed actual psychotherapy. He was then able to refer me on to see a clinical psychiatrist to assess me further, who then referred me for two years of weekly psychotherapy. So the CBT may be a good way to go, just to access further help (although I don't know if it's the same process in every area).

A huge part of my problem with the 2 hour round trip is I have a lot of anxiety about driving anywhere I’m unfamiliar with and public transport is horrendous between here and there.

I would be happy to try CBT but I’ve been categorically told this will not be beneficial for me at the moment.

Try the CBT that's on offer.

Over the last fifteen months, I've had both private and low cost counselling through a charity. Both helped in different ways, but essentially whatever happened 40+ years ago happened, both parents are long dead, - I need to change my behaviour now, so maybe CBT would have been a different route to getting to that point.
You don't know that it won't be helpful unless you try it.

Hiya I didn't want to read and go. Just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through a rough time.

I hope you find some help soon. I too am finding it difficult to get some help. Unfortunately I'm not able to go private as I absolutely can't afford it.

At times I'm so low I feel suicidal.

But please do continue to seek help. Wishing you all the best xx

The lady I spoke to on the phone was really clear that the only therapy available on the NHS in my area is CBT and she gave me links to some counselling websites but said that counselling in this area comes at a cost. I cried my way through the appointment and told her some of the awful things I’m struggling to come to terms with. She really seemed to care so I’m sure it there was a way of me doing CBT first and then being referred for counselling, she would have told me.

Go onto simply health website. Set up a plan with an advisor and a small amount will be debited from your account per month. They will reimburse you for all or alot of your counselling sessions. I use them for everything and they pay out if you have to stay in hospital for any length of time or have a baby. I hope things work out for you, xx

I had counselling a few years back and it was about 90 minute drive. To be honest I actually enjoyed the whole process of having some time either side to process what I wanted to talk about/ review in my own space what had been discussed. It was life changing for me and absolutely no way I would hesitate at driving twice as far to do it again if I needed it.

Andy, you are being very unkind and unfair to the OP

I find the books of Dorothy Rowe good, maybe order them from library and Daniel Mackler on Youtube, he was a US therapist. You will be allright. Ultimately you know best what you need. A therapist can provide a safe space but so can you for yourself. No other person has a magic answer, it's grieving and healing and doing what makes you happy. You deserve a good life, why not?

@Andysbestadventure
I'm sure this is exactly what OP doesn't need.

Report if you have suspicions or give usable advice.

I'm sorry for you op.
This is the result of Tory Britain. It's only going to get worse now

@Andysbestadventure are you implying I’m trying to beg for money? If so, you couldn’t be more wrong. Please see my post above in response to a lady who posted on here feeling suicidal. As I said to her, I will be exploring every single option suggested to me on here. I need to get better. I just had pinned all of my hopes on the mental health team being able to offer that help and it was a big blow this morning to find out they can’t. I most certainly don’t want money from anyone. Just some help, support and advice.

Also, like I said, I have a lot of anxiety about driving. I’m a new driver also which doesn’t help.

Lots of councillors will offer reduced rates if money is a factor. I know mine does, though I pay full price, they advertise on their website. If you’re in the North West PM me and I’ll send you the details. Otherwise I would suggest contacting councillors near you and asking if they can offer you a lower price. I remember your previous threads I think and your heartbreak shone through. You are a deserving, loving person and you can get through this

I’ve reported @Andysbestadventure: foul.

OP, your kind message to another PP shows how caring and insightful you are. I truly hope you can find help yourself with some of the info on this thread. I’ve been in a similar position myself with IAPT etc. It’s appalling, and there’s lots of us.

They may have done you a favour by recognising that the short-term CBT on offer isn't what you need now. I have a similar background to you and have needed to work long term on the various forms of abuse in my past. Opening it all up and then ending the sessions might leave you worse off than when you started.

I know that doesn't help now, when you need proper support to move on, and I can imagine how devastated you feel having held on for this assessment only to find it vanish from you. I've been there.

I have three bits of practical advice. I found a highly recommended local therapist who agreed to see me. When she saw how motivated I was she cut her rates by more than 50%. It is worth contacting the best, not just the cheapest, but make sure you see several people, because how well you can relate counts for a lot.

At the same time keep pushing at the NHS for the services you really need. If you possibly can, find an advocacy organisation to support you in this. I had to persist for over a year, and having someone external and dispassionate but on your side helps.

The hardest bit for me was to stop minimising and tell the NHS just how bad things really were. We are trained to minimise the abuse and its consequences, so it is easy for them to miss the severity of your past and present.

I'm so sorry you aren't getting the help you need and deserve

I haven't read everything but have you thought about antidepressants or are you taking them? I found they helped clear my mind so I could think straight and not be bogged down by anxieties.

@Delbelleber I’m taking Sertraline. It is helping, just not quite enough. I’m also aware that it is masking some of my feelings and there’s a lot I need to deal with so I can really get better.

Do you work op? My employer has an employee wellbeing service which would be able to offer some counselling (6 sessions but better than nothing) to any staff member who needs it.

Unfortunately I don’t work just now. I have young kids. Thanks though

If you are really struggling I'd be thinking of upping the sertraline dose. Maybe you don't see it as a long term solution but it would definitely make your every day thoughts easier to deal with. Just my opinion of course