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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FiL not washing hands

40 replies

Mamibaer · 13/12/2019 10:45

My PiL are visiting from another country and were spending the day at our place with us and our 11 month old. FiL mentioned a few times he wasn't feeling great. Late in the evening, after baby was in bed, he ran to the loo and threw up everywhere (it was pretty nasty, he missed the loo completely). I went in to baby's room as this woke him up. When I came out, OH and MiL were cleaning the bathroom and FiL sitting on the sofa. I asked how he was and he mentioned he'd had diaorrea a few times that afternoon too. Then MiL comes out and asks what else she needs to clean in case of infection - "did you touch the soap today?". He replied no, he'd just used water. AIBU to think that's out of order - he had been touching the baby, reading him a story in his room, playing with him, after having an upset stomach and not washing his hands properly? I'm pretty angry about it. Didn't say anything that night as he was unwell and he's been at the hotel since, but next time he's over I want OH to say something. Surely he should be observing basic hygiene around a baby (and anyone!)

OP posts:
Abigwhale · 13/12/2019 10:54

I would have thought using soap even when not poorly is a good ifea

churchandstate · 13/12/2019 10:55

If he washed his hands properly with hot water then I think that’s alright, to be honest.

CheesyMother · 13/12/2019 11:27

Hot water vs cold water doesn’t really make a difference - it’s the soap that helps lift things from the hands then you need water to rinse it off (but the temperature of the water makes minimal impact).

It’s pretty disgusting to have diarrhoea and then not use soap, especially as I suspect he just rinsed his hands rather than properly washing them... and that’s regardless of whether there is a baby involved or not.

churchandstate · 13/12/2019 11:43

No, thoroughly washing your hands with water and friction will have the effect of making you much cleaner. I’m not saying soap doesn’t help, but water does more of the work.

EKGEMS · 13/12/2019 11:44

Just hot water and friction isn't enough to remove bacteria and hand sanitizers shouldn't be used with D&V illnesses

churchandstate · 13/12/2019 11:46

Yes, it is. It won’t always remove all bacteria but it will do a pretty good job. And soap itself can be crawling with bacteria.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/258839/

PandoraJack · 13/12/2019 11:47

YANBU.

Hideous.

Wereallsquare · 13/12/2019 11:50

It is unacceptable and I would insist on hand washing on entering your home and before picking up/interacting with your baby.

Not sure what FIL being from another country has to do with his hygiene. I am appalled by the number of women from this country whom I see walk out of toilets without so much as touching a drop of water. In restaurants, even. (But they always take a minute to check their appearance.) Foul.

Instagrump · 13/12/2019 11:54

SIL doesn't even use water. No hand washing at all. BIL too, even when they're sick.
And then everyone wonders why we're all sick staying in a cottage together on holiday. My DH, 3 DC and I almost never get ill normally. We're talking 100% school attendance kids. But every single holiday with the in-laws we're suffering cramps, diahorrea and vomiting within days.
DH book our our own place now nearby instead and I do the cooking. Only shared meals are made by me. Haven't been ill in three years of holidays since we refused to stay with the in-laws.

People who don't wash hands properly or not at all are disgusting. I'd have had to say something to your FIL!

DamnitCharlie · 13/12/2019 11:55

Gross! Norovirus can survive hand sanitizer and live on hard surfaces for up to two weeks I think so thorough hand washing with soap and bleaching hard surfaces is definitely needed! Who doesn't wash their hands after a shit anyway????

Glitterblue · 13/12/2019 11:56

@Wereallsquare I'm disgusted too at the number of people I see coming out of a toilet and bypassing the sink - but as you say, always have time to check their appearance! It's horrible to think of all the things they then go on to touch - no wonder germs get spread about so fast.

DamnitCharlie · 13/12/2019 11:57

@Instagrump do your inlaws get ill a lot from not washing their hands? Have they ever said why they don't wash their hands? It's so weird!

churchandstate · 13/12/2019 11:58

And yet there is increasing evidence that we are in fact contributing to the rise in allergies and respiratory disorders through oversanitising our environments...

Original poster
Mamibaer · 13/12/2019 12:02

@Wereallsquare
Ah my apologies, the other country bit is totally irrelevant - I just put that as background information about their visit. Not relevant at all really.

OP posts:
T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 13/12/2019 12:06

And yet there is increasing evidence that we are in fact contributing to the rise in allergies and respiratory disorders through oversanitising our environments.

There’s a big difference from over sanitising our environment and dirty fuckers not washing piss and shit particles off their hands. 🤢

churchandstate · 13/12/2019 12:10

There’s a big difference from over sanitising our environment and dirty fuckers not washing piss and shit particles off their hands. 🤢

I agree with you. But he did wash his hands. But the point here is probably one that germophobes don’t want to hear: science seems to tell us that ‘practise’ exposures to bacteria are needed for our bodies to build immunity, so if we obsess about hygiene to the extent that we are never exposed to piss and shit, we will get sicker.

Howlovely · 13/12/2019 12:12

That is absolutely revolting. Surely it's almost impulsive to want to wash hands after vomiting or having the shits just so you feel clean yourself at the very least, without even thinking about spreading germs all over the place? I can't understand people who don't think it's important. It's not even an effort to use a bit of soap!

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 13/12/2019 12:18

churchandstate

But people get seriously ill and some even die, due to those that prepare food not washing their hands properly. The problem with only using water, is that people don’t actually rub their hands hard enough. As well as the antiseptic nature of soap, people are more likely to wet the whole hand and rinse properly, in order to rinse the soap off, this cleaning the hands. I’m sure we’ve experienced the dirty git that walks out of a toilet and literally dips their fingers under the running water and half drys them.

blubelle7 · 13/12/2019 12:18

It's disgusting. When confronted about not washing hands a lot of women have said to me "Oh, no it's okay I just did a pee so didn't touch anything, no need to wash my hands- cue rant about oversanitising and being too clean" . Uh no it doesn't work like that, and who doesn't wipe after going to the loo. I despair sometimes. Maybe it's nature's way of balancing the world population again- natural selection and all

churchandstate · 13/12/2019 12:18

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily

I know. Germs can be harmful. But they’re also necessary to prevent other harm.

churchandstate · 13/12/2019 12:19

Maybe it's nature's way of balancing the world population again- natural selection and all

But they aren’t dying en masse from not washing hands after a wee, are they? 🙄

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 13/12/2019 12:20

I understand some of the point you’re trying to make, churchandstate, as I work with animals, get covered in all sorts, get my face licked, cleaned up crap/wee and let some sleep in my bed. I still wash my hands before eating, because I don’t want food poisoning. 🤢

churchandstate · 13/12/2019 12:21

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily

Sure, it’s good practice. But this man did wash after the toilet. He didn’t use soap but I am sure he was reasonably clean if he scrubbed his hands with water.

churchandstate · 13/12/2019 12:24

Although given he had an upset stomach as well, I certainly agree it would have been more thorough for him to use the soap! But I wouldn’t be raging.

billy1966 · 13/12/2019 12:24

That is really grim.
I would be well pissed off over that.
Disgusting.