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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Newborn and GPS with colds

75 replies

Duggeeismysaviour · 13/12/2019 07:08

Second baby is 2 weeks old.

In laws coming to stay next week for a week (they haven't met dc2 yet)

One or both of them is almost guaranteed to have a stinking cold when here, its a bit of a running joke. They are sickliest people around.

Now here is where I lost my perspective. How do I handle them holding dc2 if this is the case? I get that children get colds, and this is by no means my pfb. But so tiny... Would be really rough.

I honestly don't know whether it would be reasonable to ask whoever is going to be sneezing all over the place not to cuddle her. Seems a bit mean spirited, and of course we will ask be in the same house anyway. But I'm already a bit agitated at what I'm sure is going to happen.

AIBU in advance?!

OP posts:

NoSauce · 13/12/2019 15:39

They’re not necessarily sick!

Jeez.

BertrandRussell · 13/12/2019 15:40

There is no way that they should be coming to yours if they are sick!“

No.
But they aren’t.

AudacityOfHope · 13/12/2019 15:45

They are not sick

aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2019 16:28

If they hadn't booked flights I would be asking them not to come if they've got a cold, but it would seem very rude now if they're only coming to see you. Why wasn't this thought about when they booked to come while the baby was so young?

BertrandRussell · 13/12/2019 16:39

Just tell them you don’t like them and you don’t want them to come. Job done.

AudacityOfHope · 13/12/2019 17:41

Spot on @BertrandRussell

Shookethtothecore · 13/12/2019 17:43

My 11 week daughter had just spent a week in hospital with Bronchiolitis. 4 days on high dependency, I thought I was going to loose her. I wouldn’t of wished that week on my worse enemy. I am heightened to it as the experience is so raw for me but honestly- don’t do it

Countryescape · 13/12/2019 17:53

And here we go with the Breastfeeding is amazing and a cure all comments 🤣🤣 It’s so predictable!! I’d like to see how the La Leche League could prove a mother starts producing antibodies 20 minutes after being sneezed on!!!

Rachelle1980 · 13/12/2019 18:05

In "this study, we exposed a variety of microorganisms to breastmilk and saliva mixtures, and found that the growth of these microorganisms was inhibited, immediately and for up to 24 hours, irrespective of whether the microorganism was considered to be 'pathogenic' (harmful) or 'commensal' (normally found) in an infant's mouth. Dr Sweeney said the composition of newborns' mouth microbiota was an important factor in health and wellbeing...
While adult oral microbiota are stable, our studies have shown that the microbiota in the mouths of newborns is much more dynamic and seems to be altered by the mode of feeding within the first few months of life," she said.
"The combination of breastmilk and saliva has been shown to play an important role in shaping the healthy oral microbiota during the first few months of life, but this also has significant implications for premature or sick babies who are fed via a tube. In these cases, the mixing of breastmilk and babies' saliva does not occur and so they do not receive the benefits of the antibacterial compounds released during breastfeeding."
(Source: www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/11/181108105942.htm )

That's a popular science take on it rather than academic papers, but just wanted to point out that the saliva mix action isn't BS. And I have my own demons to get rid of in terms of the rosy tinted "breast is best but when you really really need help there's fuck all NHS support" breastfeeding propaganda... But this one's based on science at least.

underneaththeash · 13/12/2019 18:08

It needs a conversation with them on the phone along the lines of
"yes, we're doing fine, but one of my friends decided to visit and they had a really bad cold - can you believe it. We had to tell them that they couldn't visit....some people eh!"

You will be very unlikely to have antibodies against a cold virus from another country.

BoomyBooms · 13/12/2019 18:41

I would get in touch and politely ask them not to come of they are I'll, I'll be doing the same with visitors to my baby! I'ts only whole they are so tiny and vulnerable to illness, once they are 2-3 months their immune system is much stronger and they are better able to fight off bugs.

BertrandRussell · 13/12/2019 18:49

But they haven’t got colds!

PepePig · 13/12/2019 19:14

I'd not want them coming, to be honest.

NoSauce · 13/12/2019 19:23

God this is an annoying thread.

People, the OP is anticipating her in-laws having a cold, they haven’t arrived yet, so has no way of knowing whether they’ll definitely have one.

Ridiculous thread!

aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2019 19:29

My sister has quite a weak constitution and literally gets ill every time she goes on a plane, and puts it down to all the germs bouncing around in there.

She may not know they have a cold but with some people you can make quite an educated prediction. I avoided certain people when my daughter was tiny for similar reasons. The problem is that it has been left too late and would be quite rude now.

NoSauce · 13/12/2019 19:37

The time to tell them that it wasn’t ok for them to visit their newborn GC was when it was first spoken about. If you know they’re always ill and you’d have a newborn when they were visiting, what were you thinking?

Stegosaurus1990 · 13/12/2019 20:12

I wouldn’t visit a newborn or pregnant woman if I had a cold. I would ask someone who had a cold to stay away too.

AudacityOfHope · 13/12/2019 21:52

No, you can't make quite an accurate prediction about someone having a cold

This thread is a case in point of READ THE OP PROPERLY BEFORE REPLYING.

aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2019 22:26

No, you can't make quite an accurate prediction about someone having a cold This thread is a case in point of READ THE OP PROPERLY BEFORE REPLYING

Eh? Who hasn't read the OP? Yes, if someone is frequently ill, has been ill every time they have visited and/or always get ill in certain circumstances it is reasonable to assume there is a higher chance they might be ill than the average person. Nobody can know the future but it's obtuse to suggest you can't anticipate the outcome and that everyone should just ignore the pattern.

NoSauce · 13/12/2019 22:27

So in that case it would have been wise not to arrange for them to visit when the baby was newborn!

aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2019 22:34

Yes NoSauce, I don't disagree with you, I said exactly the same thing in my comment. She should have seen this coming when it was being planned and it is too rude to cancel now. I just don't think she's unreasonable for thinking they will probably have a cold because they have done in the past, it's a fair analysis.

AudacityOfHope · 13/12/2019 22:53

Loads of people haven't read it properly @aSofaNearYou and are replying on the basis of the ILs actually being ill.

You can't say because someone had a cold last time they visited they'll have one this time. That's sort of not how viruses work.

aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2019 22:59

I don't think many are assuming they are already ill, they just don't agree with you that them being very frequently ill isn't an indication that they are likely to be ill this time. Again, I'm aware nobody can see the future. But some people are more prone to getting ill than others and those people will be more likely to catch something.

AudacityOfHope · 13/12/2019 23:16

There are tens of posts saying they are ill so shouldn't visit!

aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2019 23:22

@Audacity No, they are saying IF they are ill they shouldn't come.

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