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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Newborn and GPS with colds

75 replies

Duggeeismysaviour · 13/12/2019 07:08

Second baby is 2 weeks old.

In laws coming to stay next week for a week (they haven't met dc2 yet)

One or both of them is almost guaranteed to have a stinking cold when here, its a bit of a running joke. They are sickliest people around.

Now here is where I lost my perspective. How do I handle them holding dc2 if this is the case? I get that children get colds, and this is by no means my pfb. But so tiny... Would be really rough.

I honestly don't know whether it would be reasonable to ask whoever is going to be sneezing all over the place not to cuddle her. Seems a bit mean spirited, and of course we will ask be in the same house anyway. But I'm already a bit agitated at what I'm sure is going to happen.

AIBU in advance?!

OP posts:

aveenos · 13/12/2019 13:56

I would ask them to postpone the visit..

My fully breastfed DC got a cold of a visiting relative when 2 weeks old. She developed bronchiolitis and spend 1 week in the HDU at hospital. Newborns don't have strong immune systems. I would not chance it if they are really ill.

aveenos · 13/12/2019 13:57

My Baby caught chicken pox from his older sibling when he was 10 days old, what was i supposed to do, banish my older child from the house ?

of course you cannot but if people want to come to stay over and are not well, then it is a totally different situation.

ChanklyBore · 13/12/2019 14:02

You don’t know if they are sick yet! Crossing bridges when you come to them springs to mind. My dc2 had a cold when we were registering the birth, the registrar commented on it, and I know we registered at age ten days. They were surrounded by twenty-odd curious small children twice a day every day at a minimum from the day they were born, so it’s not exactly surprising. Apart from an alarming incident with a snot sucker, it wasn’t the end of the world.

Original poster

Duggeeismysaviour · 13/12/2019 14:08

OK, thanks for the responses. To clear things up, they are coming from abroad. Flights booked, so no chance of putting them off. And as pointed out, they don't have colds. But one of them is very likely to get one based on the almost 100% cold hit rate over the last 5 years of visits.

Baby is breastfed, and of course I worry about her not being able to bf if full of cold. But it is a handy reason to keep her very close to me, I have a kangaroo top and may use it a fair amount. And you have made me feel much more resolute about making people wash hands every time, I was starting to get a little lax too.....

OP posts:

ILikTheBred · 13/12/2019 14:14

Can you ask them to get the flu jab (if they haven’t had it already)? Just getting over it here and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody, least of all a newborn.

yellowallpaper · 13/12/2019 14:20

Ask them not to come if one of them has a cold. Surely they are not so selfish as to put a baby at risk? There are some really nasty viruses going round. They would get near my baby (if i had one at the moment!)

Horehound · 13/12/2019 14:21

You just have to say if you have a cold then please stay away from baby as their immune system is low and can't be having a cold.
Do anything to protect your little one. Your baby only needs you right now..

Horehound · 13/12/2019 14:22

You know you don't need excuses. You just say sorry no I don't want to risk baby getting Ill

Election2019 · 13/12/2019 14:23

I’d keep them well away. Bronchiolitis is a realistic consequence of babies/toddlers coming into contact with those with colds.

Election2019 · 13/12/2019 14:26

@Sh05 the theory is that neonatal saliva is read by the nipple and if needed the mother produces antibodies to help, even if she herself is not unwell.

BertrandRussell · 13/12/2019 14:29

“ the theory is that neonatal saliva is read by the nipple and if needed the mother produces antibodies to help, even if she herself is not unwell.”

Who’s theory is that?

BeatriceTheBeast · 13/12/2019 14:32

I read when I was breastfeeding, that if you are in a room with your baby and a stranger comes in and sneezes, at the very next feed, you will have produced antibodies to pass on to your baby. I don't know how true that is! But maybe worth a google. It made me feel better anyway.

BeatriceTheBeast · 13/12/2019 14:34

"Breastmilk provides a safe and convenient food wherever you are during the various activities throughout festivities and holidays. If you are spending time with others, often in crowded places, breastmilk offers valuable protection against bugs and viruses. A woman starts making antibodies in breastmilk 20 minutes after ingesting a foreign virus, for instance after being sneezed on."

From La Leche League

AudacityOfHope · 13/12/2019 14:48

Them having colds before has nothing to do with them having colds now

Pleasegodgotosleep · 13/12/2019 14:55

At 4 weeks old my baby caught a cold from her older sibling. Within 6 hours of the first sneeze she was being resuscitated in a blue light ambulance on the way to hospital. She couldn't breathe alone, went onto cpap machine in HDU and was tube fed etc. It was the worst week of my life and a year on if she coughs or i hear an ambulance i'm ill.

Please, please don't risk it.

NoSauce · 13/12/2019 14:56

Just wait and see. You might be fretting over nothing. If they become ill while staying with you then ask them to keep a distance.

It’s not rocket science.

Rachelle1980 · 13/12/2019 14:58

BertrandRussell the saliva feedback mechanism (which is an interesting mechanism in that premature neonatal babies most at need to feedback precisely what their tiny bodies need are the most likely to get their breastmilk from a mother who pumps, not nurses, so an important aspect of breastmilk ingestion is often missed) is fairly well known, it's not a theory. There's a lot of science behind how it works from smarter folk than me, but the summary I got from a la Leche group meetup was an interesting discussion. I have a science background but not that area at all.

firstimemamma · 13/12/2019 14:59

If I were you I'd insist they don't come, sorry op.

Also even if they were in the peak of health, a whole week is a long time to be hosting someone when you have a newborn.

I'd change it to: 2-3 nights, when baby is 1 month old and only if healthy and well.

Just my opinion though

BertrandRussell · 13/12/2019 14:59

So what are you going to do, OP? Tell them they can’t visit because they might have a cold?

Or just be incredibly strict about hand washing and anti bad gel and not getting too near if they do become ill?

AudacityOfHope · 13/12/2019 15:09

@firstimemamma would you also ban healthy members of your family from visiting you? They don't actually have colds.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 13/12/2019 15:17

I don't think breastfeeding helps at all. I had a dreadful cold in labour and obviously dd caught it. Now she's got another one from one of her brothers and it's awful.

I'd definitely tell them not to come if they have a cold. It isn't them who will be up all night trying to settle the baby or struggling to breastfeed a baby with a blocked nose who is getting upset.

BeanTownNancy · 13/12/2019 15:22

Could you theoretically afford a hotel, or is there anywhere else they could stay if a cold were to develop?

ifeellikeanidiot · 13/12/2019 15:29

but they haven't got colds

BlaueLagune · 13/12/2019 15:31

When ds was born DH had a stinking cold. The midwife said not to worry, the baby would be fine because he had my antibodies (backed up by the NHS website I referred to on the vaccination thread).

It's probably more of an issue that they give YOU a cold OP. As a new mum (again) you need to be healthy.

Caledoniahasmyheartforever · 13/12/2019 15:34

There is no way that they should be coming to yours if they are sick! I have a crap immune system and despite being an adult, my parents didn’t come to ours for Christmas last year because they had colds- I certainly would never let anyone who is sick (yes the cold is sick) near a tiny newborn with no immune system to speak of! If I am near the cold virus it immediately goes into my chest and I end up with bronchitis and on steroids for my asthma.

I would also buy alcohol hand gel or ask anyone who is going to be holding baby to wash their hands. You don’t have to let anyone hold your baby if you suspect they are unwell. It’s fine to forewarn and ask relatives if they have any sign of the cold or any other virus/ infections that they don’t visit the house of a newborn- it’s just common sense!

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