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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum upset over contact arrangements

65 replies

PinkLuggage · 12/12/2019 21:42

I am RP.

DD, aged 5 goes to ExH 1 night after school for 2.5 hours, and then EOW for 24 hours.

ExH picks up from school and picks her up from me on his Saturday. Which means I pick up from him.

I have a car but DD has outgrown her carseat and I’ve not had the money to replace it as I don’t just want a £30 one off the shelf of Halfords. I will be able to afford a new one when I get a bonus in January from work (she’s been in a Maxi Cosy Pearl up until a few weeks ago so will be spending a similar amount on a group 2/3 seat I have been trying to save but being a single parent and her growing quicker than I anticipated I just haven’t managed it).

So for now we’ve been walking or in the rain getting the bus home. I absolutely don’t mind this. ExH lives just shy of 2 miles from me. I enjoy the walk and I use a back carrier for DD if we’re walking so I can do it in about 20-30 minutes with her.

My mum wants me to change the contact so I’m not in the cold and dark. She wants me to drop her to ExHs after school and him drive her home and me to drop on his Saturday so he drives her home Sunday night.

I really like the way things are. In the lighter evenings we walk it anyway as it’s a chance to have a chat and a bit of a wind down as her dad lives in a busy home (5 adults, 2 large dogs and several other children coming and going). DD prefers it this way, and although I could change it as the CAO only says we do one journey each, I like it this way.

It’s a 2 mile walk, on a main road with pavement all the way. The pavement has street lights and there are several shops (big supermarkets one of which is 24/7) and community centres along the route still open at this time that have CCTV and fully light up the paths. There are 2 buses an hour but the bus still only takes me to within half a mile of home.

I am almost 30 and considered quite capable within my work. DD is a happy, well balanced child who is doing well at school so don’t think I’m doing to badly.

Mum won’t take me to pick up DD as she says it’s too late for her (she’s up at 5am so understandable) but she doesn’t want me walking any part of it. She also doesn't want me taking a taxi with a "stranger" and would want my ExH to come in that with me (Taxi is an option occasionally and will probably be used over Christmas when the buses aren't running and DD is having contact)

So voting:-

YABU – And should just get a Taxi
YANBU – The walk is fine

OP posts:
Chattercino · 12/12/2019 22:28

Why can't you just buy a £30 Halfords seat?! They are all safety tested and have to comply with strict standards Confused

Blondebakingmumma · 12/12/2019 22:33

Your mum sounds controlling. Stop telling her things that she will want an opinion on if you find it difficult to say no to her

Gingerkittykat · 12/12/2019 22:36

So you can't take your DD anywhere in the car until January? That seems like it could be a problem and would make having a car pretty useless.

Go and buy the £30 car seat.

ActualHornist · 12/12/2019 22:38

Not sure what this has got to do with your mum tbh. Also not sure what your reservations are about cheaper carseats.

DonaldTrumpsChopper · 12/12/2019 22:39

What's this got to do with your mum?

Original poster
PinkLuggage · 12/12/2019 22:39

I'm not confident that the cheaper seats are safe in the event of a crash, I want one that's been tested at over 30mph as I do motorway driving with DD in the school holidays.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 12/12/2019 22:40

Just get the car seat you can afford? They all have to meet the safety requirements.

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 12/12/2019 22:40

Agree about the seat. Just get the £30 one from Halfords. They really are fine!

bridgetreilly · 12/12/2019 22:42

"All Halfords seats are crash tested to the highest standards for your child’s safety."

The more expensive ones are just... more expensive. They aren't any safer.

PatricksRum · 12/12/2019 22:42

YANBU to choose what you do with your daughter.
Is it a 2 way pearl or standard pearl?

PatricksRum · 12/12/2019 22:43

*"All Halfords seats are crash tested to the highest standards for your child’s safety."

The more expensive ones are just... more expensive. They aren't any safer.*

Not true at all. They're not tested rigorously. Which do the eu tests.

DowntonCrabby · 12/12/2019 22:46

Does she interfere in other aspects of your and DD’s lives?

I suspect it’s a fairly controlling relationship and you’re firmly stuck in the fog.

Time to step back a bit and assert your independence Flowers

FagashJackie · 12/12/2019 22:46

Apron strings. Cut them. You are doing fine.

Frlrlrubert · 12/12/2019 23:01

Could you not get the £30 car seat for now and replace when funds allow? Taxi would probably cost the same and would be much less safe without a car seat at all.

Andysbestadventure · 12/12/2019 23:03

Is this some bizarre begging thread for a new carseat?

newbingepisodes · 12/12/2019 23:09

Tell you mum to sod off out of your business!

CripsSandwiches · 12/12/2019 23:13

None of her business. Better for the environment to walk and you enjoy it. I assume DD won't dissolve in the dark so you'll be fine.

Yesmate · 12/12/2019 23:15

Your Mum needs to understand you are a grown woman and a parent.

Yesmate · 12/12/2019 23:16

Car seats are only sold if they are legal and tested. You are being ridiculous to not buy a £30 one out of some misplaced elitism

CripsSandwiches · 12/12/2019 23:20

@Yesmate
Your post is nonsense. Just because a car seat is legal does not mean a cheap car seat is as safe as a more expensive one. It isn't. OP's standards of safety may be higher than the minimum allowed by law.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 12/12/2019 23:20

Why is your mum so incapable of walking ?? It's a good habit to teach your DD, it's healthy to walk. As someone who doesn't drive at all a two mile walk wouldn't even register as an issue.

ActualHornist · 12/12/2019 23:22

Also - how late exactly are you walking with your daughter that your mum is already in bed? Later than 9pm?

LolaDabestest · 12/12/2019 23:23

This is really strange... the amount in taxis could go towards a car seat and she is five the high back ones are a lot cheaper. I kind of agree with pp about the bizarre begging thing.

Ellisandra · 12/12/2019 23:27

Why would you go in a taxi without a car seat? Confused
The law allows it for reasons of practicality - not safety!

You spent far too long in your OP justifying your decision. It’s worrying that you even need to post about it, at your age. You should be posting “mum is doing my head in”, not “AIBU?”

RightOnTheEdge · 12/12/2019 23:28

Why would your ex let his dd go off in the dark and rain?
Would it kill him to drop her off until you can get a new seat? It's not exactly a hard drive is it?

Anyway apart from that, if your happy with walking and your dd is happy carry on doing what your doing.