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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being blackmailed by my daughters nursery

87 replies

Jaded85 · 12/12/2019 20:18

Hi All,

So earlier this week when I was dropping my daughter, who is two, off at nursery, I was told by 4 staff members that they were leaving due to poor treatment by the owner. I was alarmed by this information and spoke to the manager who also said she was ‘going off sick on her notice period and not coming back’ because she’s ‘had enough’. I tried to explain to the manager that this would be really unsettling for the children and questioned if the nursery would still be opening after Christmas as only a couple of staff members remained. She had no answers. I told her that if parents weren’t given clarity then I would have no choice but to report her to ofsted. Once I’d left the nursery I spoke to two other parents at the nursery and they said they had been told the same.
The following day I received a call from the nursery owner and she denied all claims of staff being unhappy with her and said they were all leaving for personal reasons. the conversation ended with her saying my daughters key worker would remain the same and she would not be affected by any changes.
A day later I received another phone call from her asking me to withdraw an alleged complaint I had made to Ofsted, to which I told her that even if I had, I have every right as a parent to do so.
Today I received an email from her containing the following;

‘I have contacted the Local Education Authority Early Years Team and asked for advice and they have said that if you feel you are unable to do this then we are able to terminate your contract with the nursery.’

‘Please can you confirm to me by email that you have updated the regulator with the actual facts as have been explained to you, If I do not receive confirmation then unfortunately I will have no choice but to terminate your daughters place‘

I’m furious!

OP posts:

DoTheHop · 12/12/2019 20:59

How can you not understand that half the staff leaving means that the ratios are going to be fucked?

Mollymopple · 12/12/2019 20:59

IMHO far too many parents run to the OFSTED to complain as though they are the 'police' of childcare. As posters have pointed out- not their business that there is a high turnover of staff. It is not in their remit to look at a lot of things which parents threaten to complain about. The facility to complain to Ofsted should only be used in exceptional case where you feel a child is at risk, or the quality of care is so poor that it puts them at risk. I feel sorry for some Nurseries who have parents misusing this and running to OFSTED for every 5 mins. However I do agree there are some major issues with this Nursery and I would consider a change but OFSTED is not the appropriate body to complain to. Sounds like they need support from LA to prevent them from closing down.

Wakaranaihito · 12/12/2019 21:00

Imho YABU. Why report to Ofsted. Was your child in danger? Was the care substandard? Was she neglected? You opened a whole world of hell for the nursery staff and owner without actually knowing what was going on.

The staff shouldn't have involved you in internal strife and were completely unprofessional. If something was wrong at the nursery the staff are the people to call in Ofsted. From what I read you got your knickers in a twist and went off half cocked.

Not surprised the Nursery owner is furious and doesn't trust you as much as you don't seem to thrust them. I'd get another Nursery or try to undo the damage.

NailsNeedDoing · 12/12/2019 21:00

My threat to go to Ofsted was not an empty one.

Perhaps not, but it’s still a threat and now you’re wondering why they want to terminate your contract?

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 12/12/2019 21:05

Move your daughter, make the complaint, forward the email along with it.

helpfulperson · 12/12/2019 21:08

Yes lack of staff is a safeguarding concern and should be reported to ofsted but thats not what this is. Perhaps the nursery had already recruited replacement staff or would employ agency staff or reduce child numbers. You cant report a hypothetical situation.

carly2803 · 12/12/2019 21:09

gawd i wouldnt want my child in there!!! move her asap, dont take her back!

Ohyesiam · 12/12/2019 21:11

Confused.
What was your complaint to ofsted?

FourCandlesForkHandles · 12/12/2019 21:12

If I was you, I'd send that email to ofsted. Explain to ofsted you weren't the person who made the original complaint but the nursery are now bullying you with this. I wonder what ofsted would have to say about it all?

LolaSmiles · 12/12/2019 21:14

I'm pretty sure you can report a nursery for having insufficient staff to Ofsted the ratios are not for fun
Except nobody has left yet, there could be new staff recruited, or the nursery could have agency staff in by the time people have left.

Don't get me wrong, the nursery doesn't sound like it's in a good place, but the OP hasn't grounds to go to Ofsted because "some staff are leaving and they told me they don't like the owner and my child's key worker has changed". It's the sort of thing where Ofsted will listen and hear it but then it would most likely be bounced back to the nursery to deal.
Ofsted generally get involved in serious situations, not staff turnover, or where formal complaints haven't resolved a situation.

The problem is too many people seem to think "things I don't like / situations that haven't gone my way" means go to ofsted to prove you mean business. It's terrible advice but one that's dished out on here regularly.

I'm not surprised the owner has an issue with this situation. Their staff are being unprofessional by bitching to parents about the workplace (probably to point score as they're leaving) and the OP has weighed in on a staffing situation that has nothing to do with her.

IdiotInDisguise · 12/12/2019 21:14

I wouldn’t be sending my kid to be cared by someone who is furious with me.

Turin · 12/12/2019 21:15

So if you make a complaint you can have your contract terminated and they can just remove yourself child? Bollocks.

Where’s does that leave parents with shitty nursery leadership?

Nodancingshoes · 12/12/2019 21:17

This is all abit weird...staff were unprofessional, owner was unprofessional, you overreacted massively...i don't understand what your original complaint to Ofsted was about...if they all leave and the owner continues to run with not enough staff THEN would be the time to report. She may already have new staff lined up. Regardless, I would look for a new nursery due to the unprofessional staff

Littletabbyocelot · 12/12/2019 21:19

2 nurseries local to me has similar issues (a friend worked at one and was one who left over child safety concerns, the other was debated over Facebook). They both closed without notice within a couple of weeks. Parents turned up to a note on chained gates. This of course meant a la number of parents hunting down alternative places. Get ahead and start looking now.

I don't know much about ofsted but the CQC would absolutely want to know in similar circumstances. Staff walking out like that is a red flag. Monitoring bodies exist to prevent serious problems, they rely on feedback.

MrsBricks · 12/12/2019 21:20

Not sure what your complaint to Ofsted is exactly?

But I'm a childminder and if I found out one of my parents had complained to Ofsted about me I would be terminating the contract too as our relationship would have totally broken down.

Witchend · 12/12/2019 21:24

I told her that if parents weren’t given clarity then I would have no choice but to report her to ofsted.

Parents have no rights to know why staff are leaving.
That above is blackmail. Pot meet Kettle.
What the staff said was unprofessional at best. If they've been dismissed for discussing things with parents that they shouldn't then maybe the owner has a point...

Mesacasa · 12/12/2019 21:26

You did the right thing OP, don't withdraw the complaint and find a new nursery.

londonrach · 12/12/2019 21:27

Forward her email to ofsted and find another nursery. The staff isnt your problem as long as radios ok...her email is threatening and id remove my child.

MrsBricks · 12/12/2019 21:30

@Mesacasa - a high staff turnover and not liking the owner aren't really things Ofsted regulate though?

faevern · 12/12/2019 21:31

Why are you furious?

You have made a complaint, you said you were going to. The manager has explained the situation as she sees it and has asked you to retract or she can remove your child.

She can’t blackmail you as you are removing your child anyway.

What was the huge safeguarding issue that you contacted OFSTED about?

halloumi2019 · 12/12/2019 21:32

I told her that if parents weren’t given clarity then I would have no choice but to report her to ofsted.

I’m not sure what you were actually hoping to achieve by telling her that you were going to complain to Ofsted, as you could still make the complaint without telling her. A lot of people (especially when they are at work) will take that as antagonistic as you are threatening their career and livelihood. It’s not a whimsical comment to make. It’s like telling a doctor you will report them to the GMC then having a shocked pikachu face when they refuse to treat you themselves or generally change their manner around you.

You essentially told someone you were going to complain to their manager, which breaks any sort of relationship you previously had, and are now offended that they are on damage control or want to sever the business relationship you have.

By all means complain if the children are at risk, but if the place is that bad why are you offended at being asked to leave? Surely you’d intend to remove your child regardless.

faevern · 12/12/2019 21:35

what @Witchend said especially point 2.

MiniMum97 · 12/12/2019 21:35

Wow! She sounds like a peach! Don't withdraw your complaint. Withdraw your child. You can see why the staff members are leaving in drives now!

SourAndSnippy · 12/12/2019 21:36

LolaSmiles · 12/12/2019 21:40

I don't understand why all the previous posters keep saying "well what did you complain to OFSTED about?" How many people would need to say to you that the setting is awful before you decided to make a complaint?!
All settings have a formal complaints procedure.
If informal discussions don't resolve issues then the formal procedure should be followed.
If the formal procedure hasn't resolved the issue then it would go to Ofsted.

Too often on MN people advocate the following approach:
OP - I don't like something / I'm annoyed at something
Response - Report to Ofsted / LA / governors because this shows you mean business
Challenges - Actually that's not how you should be raising it. If you want a resolution then the following steps are better
Missing the point posters - As if people are saying you should just tolerate something bad happening, why should teachers/schools/nurseries bey beyond question.

In this situation it's "staff bitched to parents to score points on their way out of a workplace, parent demands information that has nothing to do with them without the full picture, threatens Ofsted, reports to Ofsted and then seems annoyed and surprised the nursery aren't best pleased".

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