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AIBU?

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Original poster

What is wrong with being alone at Christmas.

84 replies

dottypotter · 12/12/2019 15:27

There is so much around about being alone at Christmas does it matter?

Love to hear stories about being alone and loving it.

Its like being alone is a disease!!!

OP posts:
Floomph · 12/12/2019 17:03

And solitary days are only relaxing if you have a busy, fulfilling life the rest of the time. I know so many disabled people who are in their thirties, who are pretty isolated and who won't find a solitary Christmas relaxing - they are already alone day in, day out most of the year. People like that get completely forgotten. It's not just the elderly who can go days without seeing people.

orcaaa · 12/12/2019 17:04

I agree Floomph and it’s really bloody stupid.

‘Ooh I’d LOVE to have Christmas alone.’

No, you wouldn’t. You’d love to have a day to yourself. Not the same thing.

YellowSubmarine94 · 12/12/2019 17:06

Nothing wrong with it at all. As long as that person is happy and it works for them, it's nobody else's business.

x2boys · 12/12/2019 17:20

As other,s saying it's a choice ,fine but for those for those where it,s not a choice it can be sad ,one of the most miserable xmas,s I had was when I was 31 I had been unhappily single for years ,and I spent Xmas with my parent,s just the three of us ,my sister had young kids at the time , and I thought is this it ,is this how Xmas is always going to be ,two months later I met dh, and Xmas day exactly two years after that one was spent in Labour with ds1 .

Leflic · 12/12/2019 17:21

Done it once ( coukdn’t afford to go home) and it was amazing!
It actually felt more Christmassy because I could digest it all without running from one thing to another.
I had presents which I guess if you were really alone you may not have. Drinks, telly, walk and my favourite food ( surf and turf). Pretty lights and phone calls to friends. Very chilled.

beachcomber70 · 12/12/2019 17:41

I've spent the last few Christmas's on my own. Originally due to circumstances and one son is always working on that day anyway.

I found I enjoyed it. Christmas to me has some unhappy memories anyway, always a lot of pressure, witnessing greed and gluttony, family members leaving me out etc.

When my children were small I'd have to dash all over the place on the day after rushing the dinner, not being able to enjoy a drink or watch my sons enjoy their presents...to keep other people happy. So it wasn't really relaxing at all.

So I have enjoyed the Christmas's I've spent on my own, having a lie in, then in front of the fire and doing what I wanted, watching what I wanted etc. I mostly enjoy my own company anyway. Just as well as I live on my own, no partner.

This year I shall be spending a lot of the day with a friend, but even if I hadn't another Christmas on my own would have been fine by me.
However I will see family on Boxing Day and maybe Christmas Eve so I feel lucky.

If people are lonely without wanting to be I feel for them very much, it must be so hard when family life and fun, parties and gettogethers seem to be everywhere...rubbing salt into the wound. And it hurts probably more this time of year than any other time.

DarlingNikita · 12/12/2019 17:48

‘Ooh I’d LOVE to have Christmas alone.’
No, you wouldn’t. You’d love to have a day to yourself. Not the same thing.

Um, no, some people are quite specifically meaning Christmas. Watching Christmas telly, having a Christmassy lunch solo etc.

MurrayTheMonk · 12/12/2019 17:49

I'm not going to be with the DD's for the first time ever this year as they are with their Dad. Once I've gotten over being upset about that I started to quite look forward to my solitary Christmas (though I'm on call for work so will probably have to deal with a few issues). I was going to get a very small turkey crown, make myself a lovely dinner, walk the dogs, and then watch films all day. DP has now decided he will stay home with me rather than go to his family and I'm a tiny bit annoyed about it Grin.
Appreciate that is very different making a conscious choice about being alone than being alone and not wanting to be though.

tillytrotter1 · 12/12/2019 18:01

A friend who had suffered a bereavement wanted to spend Christmas alone, a walk to the churchyard then back home but she was inundated with people pestering her to 'come to us' and not easily taking No thank you for an answer. She became very upset about it, people need to respect other people's decisions, even if they don't agree.

Pinkginhelps · 12/12/2019 18:37

My parents are dead and my siblings live abroad. I'm divorced with one child. Although our custody agreement is to alternate Christmases, I let my daughter spend every Christmas with her dad as he has a close family and they do all the Christmas things which she loves. I couldn't bear to spend Christmas alone with just the two of us as I'd feel like I'd failed as a mum. NOT helped by the constant bombardment of images of big, close (never single parent) families all celebrating together. I've spent a few Christmas days alone and have been very content. If pressed, I tell anyone who asks that I'm spending it with friends they don't know. People are content with that as they are definitely more upset than I am at the prospect of me being alone. However, I worked in an advocacy role with elderly and disabled people in sheltered accommodation for a few years and was very saddened by the fact that other than me and their care workers (if they had them), they often wouldn't see a soul for days on end. I've been left with a pathological fear of growing old and being alone and hope that I can work until I pop my clogs!!!!!!

Seenoevil1 · 15/12/2021 23:49

I totally agree. There is a huge pressure on people to fit into certain categories and have a particular type of Christmas.
Being alone and feeling lonely are two separate things.
Some people may be in a large family group at Christmas but are stressed with some of the dynamics in the group.
It is a day with a nice meal. Whether you're alone or part of a large gathering you can't go wrong with a good walk and some Christmas TV. There is too much pressure on people to be or do something.
If you are dreading celebrating Xmas on your own I recommend volunteering or planning a nice movie day.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 16/12/2021 00:08

No kids- husband works at a job with holiday requirements. Last 7 years he’s worked on Christmas Day, Family hundreds of miles away.

Early on in our marriage it came down to we spend some time together (usually Christmas Eve) together and I was alone on Christmas Day or he was alone and I went to my family.

For many reasons we chose to spend the time together that we could and I’d be alone on Christmas Day while he worked. Honestly I do kind of enjoy it. I plan my day just as I would if there were more people. I do special things, eat special food, and am perfectly content.

Our neighbors, who we are very close to, started to invite me over and honestly some years I resented going. (Don’t get me wrong, I was touched they invited me, would go, and would have a great time).

I’m sure it’s different that I always do get celebrate with someone, but I never felt lonely on the day itself.

LampLighter414 · 16/12/2021 00:30

I've done the last few Christmas's on my own. All by choice although covid ensured it last year. See parents either on Christmas eve or for a brief hour or two in the morning. Alcohol, fancy m&s snacks/picky food, a bunch of movies I hadn't got round to seeing in the year, a steak for dinner. Bliss

ASDmam · 16/12/2021 00:39

My OH’s perfect Christmas Day would be spent alone, unfortunately for him he has a family with me now so that’s not going to happen anytime soon (he doesn’t visit any other family over Christmas).

Pugdogmom · 16/12/2021 01:08

Spent 2 Christmasses alone as DH was working. Hated it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/12/2021 01:11

I think I could really enjoy Christmas on my own if needs be!

I’d have a really massive long walk, then I’d come back and watch Tv plenty of drink. I’d probably get takeaway food or something.

DogsandCatsB4u · 16/12/2021 01:17

As others said it’s people who have no choice but to be alone.

I usually like to spend Xmas alone because I like all Xmas soaps And like to watch without shouting

I will usually visit someone for a couple hours then back home alone

DukeofEarlGrey · 16/12/2021 01:35

Yes, it’s about whether you have a choice or not. I spent it alone for the first time last year when we went into Tier 4. I felt fine about it and enjoyed a deeply peaceful day with great food, a bath, walk, film, etc. It wouldn’t be the same if you felt no one knew or cared about you. The pandemic has been acutely lonely for so many people and it breaks my heart how some must have felt like this anyway.

hufflepuffnstuff · 16/12/2021 02:52

Most people want to be with family or friends at Christmas, but of course there's nothing wrong with being alone if you're happy with it. Sometimes people forget that not everyone feels the way they do, and they project how they think they'd feel (sad, lonely) onto everyone else who "has to" spend the day alone.

madisonbridges · 16/12/2021 02:59

I think being alone out of choice is a totally different scenario to being alone because you have no one to be with.
Every Christmas I think next year I'm having ut in my own in the shed, although I always ending up enjoying it. I wouldn't mind being alone on Christmas Day with an open fire, fairy lights, tons of food and the remote control to myself. But I think that's because I've got family to be with if I wanted to be.

Cameleongirl · 16/12/2021 03:18

I've become less bothered about Christmas over time. If I couldn't spend it with DH and my children for some reason (say the children move abroad when they're older), I'd be happy to spend it alone.

I'd keep it quiet, though, as I know friends and extended family would think it odd and try to include me, but I'd honestly rather stay at home.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 16/12/2021 03:21

I always spend christmas alone, through choice.
Other people often try to get an invite so that we can spend the day together, or try to insist I go to theirs, but I've no interest.

1forAll74 · 16/12/2021 03:21

It's fine to be alone. I am late 70's age, and will be alone all Christmas, it's no big deal.

Goatinthegarden · 16/12/2021 03:46

My best friend is late thirties and single. She has wonderful parents and spends Christmas with them and her brother’s family. She is never ‘alone’ but finds Christmas incredibly lonely because it reminds her each year that she hasn’t found someone she would like to settle down with.

Marvellousmadness · 16/12/2021 04:07

There is nothing wrong with being ALONE

There is a difference however in being 'alone' and being 'lonely'

And some people who are without family and are alone,feel lonely at Christmas as they have no one to share this family feast with

With Christmas i feel the loniesst in the world. And I'm spending it with in-laws so im not allowed... but. I just miss my own family more then during the rest of the year