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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What is wrong with being alone at Christmas.

84 replies

dottypotter · 12/12/2019 15:27

There is so much around about being alone at Christmas does it matter?

Love to hear stories about being alone and loving it.

Its like being alone is a disease!!!

OP posts:

mumwon · 12/12/2019 16:09

a few times in my 20's - living in bedsit land outer London - cold room no fridge & a coin meter for heating & light, no tv but a radio - I did take myself out & help with homeless shelter serving food & washing up -that helped me as much as them. Since dh & than dc always a family time - this topic made me realize why family at Christmas is so important to me & to others.

pugtato · 12/12/2019 16:10

I live alone and at least a couple of hundred miles from my family. I normally travel to someone's house at Christmas but, because it's already a stressful time, this year I've decided to stay at home with my dog on my own and I'm really looking forward to it!

People keep giving me worried and sad looks when I tell them (they ask) and I don't think they believe me when I say I'm excited, but it means more Yule log for me!

Sandaled · 12/12/2019 16:11

I think it depends whether you have a choice in it, or whether you are alone because you have nowhere to go and noone to see.

Petrichor11 · 12/12/2019 16:20

I choose to spend Christmas alone and enjoy it. I don’t have an awful family or anything, it just suits me to do it my way, and is more practical around work as family are far away.

However, many people are horrified that I do this, although mostly they’re used to it now and I just get mild pity.

But we are bombarded at Christmas with images of perfect families and perfect romantic relationships, and there’s pressure to spend it a certain way. So even if you’re spending it alone by choice, that’s quite wearing! If you’re spending it alone because you have no choice it must be very upsetting. It definitely feels like everyone else is having a wonderful time altogether and can be very lonely if you’re not.

kateandme · 12/12/2019 16:23

there is a difference between being alone and lonely.one is a choice the other isnt

kateandme · 12/12/2019 16:24

being lonely feels like a disease to those who have no choice.its the scariest most deastating thing to see and be when its you or people you love

orcaaa · 12/12/2019 16:24

If you want to be alone at Christmas, why aren’t you, seriously?

Whattodoabout · 12/12/2019 16:25

There’s nothing wrong with it if you’re happy doing that but I think it would make most people feel lonely and isolated. It’s just because Christmas is traditionally a time to spend with loved ones.

beautifulstranger101 · 12/12/2019 16:31

Nothing wrong with being alone at Christmas if thats what you want. I would only find it sad if someone was alone at Christmas but didnt want to be. To me, the idea of a Christmas alone sounds awesome- get up late, eat what you want, have full control of the remote, no family arguments, you can drink all the prosecco, eat what you like- all the orange soft centres from the Quality street tin and go to bed and sleep like a starfish whilst hogging the duvet! There is a weird idea in this country that you MUST spend it with family and you MUST eat turkey like some Dickensian throw back. The sad thing is, I know so many people who find Christmas horribly stressful and its this "forced enjoyment" that kind of ruins it. However, I do have sympathy for people who want to spend Christmas with others but are alone through no fault of their own- as others have said- its all about personal choice.

FruitcakeOfHate · 12/12/2019 16:32

I hate Christmas and would be happy to ignore the entire thing.

AfterSomeAdvice1234 · 12/12/2019 16:43

Alright if that's your choice, but there is a large community of socially isolated people that will not be happy spending Christmas alone.

wellthatwasthat · 12/12/2019 16:45

If you are happy in your own company and have decided that you would like to spend Christmas by yourself, then great, crack on. Did it myself one year, it was lovely and peaceful, I ate what I liked when I liked and watched the tv programmes I wanted to.

For people with no choice and who will be lonely and on their own through circumstances beyond their control, then I have a great deal of sympathy.

RuffleCrow · 12/12/2019 16:46

Loneliness is the gap between the company you want and the company you have.

Jux · 12/12/2019 16:47

I have a friend who has deliberately spent Christmas along ever since I've known him. He does his washing (he has a twin tub) he says.

SilverySurfer · 12/12/2019 16:48

YANBU - after years of spending Christmas Day where I would rather not have been, I love my Christmas Day alone, repelling all invitations from friends.

I'll have a light breakfast followed by a glass or two of champagne. I've ordered a free range capon (cockerel), will make my own pigs in blankets and stuffing followed by pudding, cheese and a nice glass of port. Will then snooze like a beached whale for a couple of hours and see if there's anything watchable on TV.

Sheer heaven.

Greenglassteacup · 12/12/2019 16:48

I spent Christmas on my own when I was about 19. It was preferable to joining my family. I watched a film on a borrowed black and white television in my rented box bedroom and I ate chocolate. Not a bad day by any means

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 12/12/2019 16:49

I've never spent Xmas away from my family. But about this time of year (2 wks to Xmas) I wish I was on a desert island! But then the Day comes and all is well.

If I was ever faced with being alone on Xmas Day, I'd book myself a stay at the Grand Californian & Disneyland (CA). If I had to be at home, I'd get in tonnes of lovely food and drink and spend the day in my PJs in bed, watching movies and box sets.

Greenglassteacup · 12/12/2019 16:50

I’d have felt lonely if I’d been with my family

midsomermurderess · 12/12/2019 16:54

I think the sense that everyone, well, lots of other people, are with family etc makes you feel a bit down even if you are broadly ok with it. It's not awful but I'd sooner spend it with others, or go away.

chomalungma · 12/12/2019 16:55

It's like Valentines day - and the whole of TV / media / restaurants are full of talking about relationships etc - and you are alone with no one.

Same at Christmas - constant media messages etc about family, friends, presents etc. It reinforces the fact that you have no one, no one who cares, who'll miss you, to talk to, to hug you.

Human contact and face to face interaction is more important than people realise. Christmas can reinforce that fact.

But it is more than just Christmas. All those lonely people who have been helped by volunteers at Christmas are still lonely every other day of the year.

DurannieDeckingTheHalls · 12/12/2019 16:57

I agree with previous posters in that it depends if it's a choice or not.

I spent last Christmas alone for the first time ever... my choice..... kids were with my xh and I did not want to join in a family type Christmas elsewhere without them... it took some convincing for my extended family to believe it was what I wanted, though!

Kids and I had what we dubbed "mini-mas" before they went to be with their Dad and that was also great as we just did exactly what our small unit of family wanted.

I actually really enjoyed my solo Christmas which I spent in PJs, eating delicious stuff from M&S and watching Xmas rubbish on tv and plan to do the same next year when kids are due to be with their Dad again....

I am quite a solitary person anyway so actively seek opportunities to spend time alone in any case.....

FestiveFavourites · 12/12/2019 16:57

I work in healthcare and usually work over Christmas, so I've never really spent Christmas alone, there have always been colleagues and patients to raise a (cup of tea) toast with.

There is so much emphasis on huge family gatherings, perfect food, adorable children, wonderful gifts - for some people, it's not like that. My friend's DH is a problem drinker, and she absolutely dreads Christmas because he will get drunk and he will behave badly but her social media photos will show smiling children, piles of presents, a glass of bubbly...it's not the true story.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Floomph · 12/12/2019 16:58

a day of solitary sounds relaxing! Christmas is just another day tbh, its nice for DS but once the manic of presents is over we tend to treat it like any other day with a bit more food and drink!

I know whoever posted this didn't mean anything by it but comments like this are dreadful. It's a bit like women with children breezily saying they imagine they would be absolutely fine not having children, there's lots more to life than that, etc. etc. in front of someone who finds it agonising they don't have any. (obviously lots of people can have a wonderful life without children too, I'm talking about a specific context before people misread that)

Lots of people who will find Christmas very lonely indeed will be reading these kinds of threads, me included. It's not just another day, it's extremely painful at worst because you are so conscious of the lack of loved ones in your life. I find it takes me a lot of January to get past all the isolation of Christmas. It's very battering dealing with it year in, year out.

Sometimes it's a kind thing to think of your own privilege and remember it does count for something. If you have people to spend Christmas with and much of your day will be nice, it's not 'just another day.'

dottiedodah · 12/12/2019 17:00

I think Christmas is built up into a huge thing where millions of families get together around a log fire ,listening to Bing and opening our presents with glee! The reality for many people is being alone or worse with people we dont like! As a friend of our says "It s just another day" and "OK just to feel OK" I look forward to Christmas, and am lucky enough to spend it with family, and our friend who lodges with us cooks as well!However I have "done " Christmas lunch" for many years, and including when my DM was ill as well .If you are on your own ,many Churches will be open ,and are welcoming .Also to my surprise the Cinema too ! Otherwise put feet up, TV on ,Sausage rolls /snacks /chocs and have a good time!Thinking of those who are cooking!

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 12/12/2019 17:03

I mentioned it in passing last night (I was actually talking more about a family celebration that's happening another day).

The person I said it to looked really shocked and then began pitying me, asking if I had nobody I could be with, poor you blah blah

The fact I had decided this myself and am a mid 40s woman quite capable of handling my affairs seemed alien to her!

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