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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to speak to school about this?

44 replies

4cheekymonkey · 12/12/2019 12:26

Ds2 8 years old. Yesterday he had a bit of an argument with another boy at school over football. Pretty standard break time fuss boys have. Anyway this boy called my son a pussy.
I have 4 boys so I'm all too aware that boys do swear and please tell me if I'm over the top but I just feel hearing the word pussy at this age at school is completely unacceptable??!
There is nothing I can do about it now as my son has heard it but feel pretty cross and honestly want to speak to teacher as I feel if my son was throwing this around, I would want to know it??
Am I being over the top??

OP posts:
churchandstate · 12/12/2019 12:28

I think you’re being a bit OTT. This falls into the same category as “wimp”, in terms of the intended meaning. I agree that there is an issue with the word itself but the child is very unlikely to know that.

Winterdaysarehere · 12/12/2019 12:30

Ime you need to toughen up. And toughen ds also. He has another 10 years of school life to get through.
Don't be one of those dm's op..
If he had called him a fucking wanker or similar but come on - pussy really??

PBo83 · 12/12/2019 12:34

I personally wouldn't make a fuss about it.

MyNewBearTotoro · 12/12/2019 12:38

The owl and the pussy cat went to sea...

Honestly pussy isn’t swearing, it’s pretty tame as far as insult words go and the meaning was ‘wimp/ softie/ cowardly’ etc rather than anything sexual. Definitely not the worst word a child could be called on the playground and if your son asks what it means you can always say pussy comes from pussy cat so it means the same as scaredy cat - you wouldn’t have to mention the other meaning at all!

If you think your son is being targeted/ bullied etc then by all means talk to the teacher but if it was just ‘banter’ during a football game by a child who he otherwise gets on with I wouldn’t sweat it too much.

Original poster
4cheekymonkey · 12/12/2019 12:42

Fine.
My son had not had a problem with it actually as he had no idea what it meant apart from assuming a pussy cat but what then he proceeded doing for the rest of the evening is call his 6 year old brother a pussy. I guess my issue is that it was introduced to us and my son is not mature enough to be able to just have it go in one ear and out the other and I think ordinarily it's not something you would hear at home, or I might be wrong. But thanks for clearing this up

OP posts:
mastertomsmum · 12/12/2019 12:44

I think it's very bad language and schools spend a lot of time trying to get kids to be aware of equality, diversity, sexism, prejudice and racism etc.

However, raising these things works only if the school can then do a general less about awareness. My example is of when there was a spate of kids saying 'Spaz' and the school had an assembly about awareness.

Original poster
4cheekymonkey · 12/12/2019 12:45

Oh no not at all. He is far from being targeted and is perfectly capable looking after himself. As I said my issue is that I have 2 other younger sibilings in the house and I know it can be funny hearing how as a little child learnt all the swear words from your brother, I'd rather delay it as much as I can.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 12/12/2019 12:49

Surely it's up to you to deal with your son repeating it, not the school. You explain to him that it's not a name to use, especially to his siblings. He'll learn and use worse words as he gets into higher years. But it's not the school's responsibility to teach him where and when he uses them.

AlunWynsKnee · 12/12/2019 12:50

I'd be relieved if that was the worst my 8 year old had learnt at school. Mine learnt a lot worse from one boy in his year.

Original poster
4cheekymonkey · 12/12/2019 12:55

Of course he will but we are not talking about higher years and his maturity level is what it is right now and agree i have to deal with and I have but also think I'm sure you have made sure your kids watched appropriate TV programs, social media so I think it's part of parenting to make sure your child isn't exposed to certain stuff and also when I send my child off to school, I would like to think they will do the same and if cases like this happen they would want to know it and educate their pupils!!

OP posts:
dreaming174 · 12/12/2019 13:01

I disagree with previous posters and think it's totally unacceptable language and the teacher will too. I'm a teacher and if I parent came to me with that I'd pull the other boy up on it, so would every other teacher I know. Can't believe some parenrs think it's ok Confused

PBo83 · 12/12/2019 13:02

I've been an 8 year old boy and, trust me, they'll all be calling each other all sorts of things.

The only thing you can do is make him aware that you don't want to hearing using such language. You can't control what him or other children do at school.

As for being exposed to things on social media...that's easy solved!

Wolfiefan · 12/12/2019 13:04

Perhaps don’t dismiss the initial issue as “standard break time fuss boys have”. Hmm
He needs better ways of resolving everyday conflicts than getting into an argument because he’s a boy.
You can’t control what other children say. (He will hear worse.) But you can ensure he knows not to repeat it.

Happinessinapeartree · 12/12/2019 13:07

In today's world, that is quite tame. Even for age 8

GiveHerHellFromUs · 12/12/2019 13:07

Tell him it means 'soft like a pussycat' but that it's a mean word, like calling his brother an idiot, so it's not a word you use towards each other.

Original poster
4cheekymonkey · 12/12/2019 13:12

Wolfiefan if every time boys had a disagreement over break time play, I could be at school every day. I'm not sure if you have boys who play sports but I can assure you when they play football there will always be "you tackled me too hard or it's not your free kick" and more of then not it will end up with a but if pushing but that's how boys sort their differences. And more often than not that's all it is they will get on with their day. So I honestly don't think I need to start digging deep on break time issues.
Agree with you it is my job to ensure he doesn't repeat it but feel it's reasonable to expect not to hear it at the first place

OP posts:
AlunWynsKnee · 12/12/2019 13:14

Of course he will but we are not talking about higher years
Was that in response to me? If so, I'm not talking about higher years either. My 8 year old carefully asked me about a word 'that rhymes with duck but starts with an f' that X had told them.

Original poster
4cheekymonkey · 12/12/2019 13:16

No, it's the poster before you

OP posts:
ChloeDecker · 12/12/2019 13:20

but feel it's reasonable to expect not to hear it at the first place

How?

How much control do you have over your son hearing something in the street vs the playground? None.
Just like your son is using this word around his younger siblings in front of you!

It is reasonable, however, that calling people names is sanctioned/corrected, as and when it happens. You are doing that by talking to your son-that’s all you should do and expect.

AlunWynsKnee · 12/12/2019 13:20

OK :)

ActualHornist · 12/12/2019 13:21

I am actually quite shocked that so many posters are dismissing this as a ‘tame’ swear word or insult! I hate it, but misogynistic slurs rile me.

I would have a word with the teacher and ask if she can just have a general talk to the class about bad language.

I do think you need to take a harder stance with your son though. I’m quite lax with swearing, but not when directed at another person. Completely unacceptable he’s using it at home to his siblings.

Original poster
4cheekymonkey · 12/12/2019 13:36

Chloe decker

I can tell you that In the 8 years of my ds2 life i don't think he has has heard any swear words of the street so I think I can safely say we must have picked wisely when we moved where we are. It's very rare to be hearing swear words on the streets where we are so I'm not sure if that's an answer to your argument but again im back to the school issue and I'm not saying it's catastrophic but what I'm saying that if this was my child I would absolutely want to know and discipline him for it.

ActualHornist
I'm not sure I'm understand what you mean.
Of course it's unacceptable calling anyone on names including your sibilings so obviously I have had a word with him but tell me if in your household your children never teased each other??

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 12/12/2019 14:34

Stop excusing the behaviour of your child by saying he’s a boy. FFS. Having a penis doesn’t mean it’s ok to push people about. (And yes I have a sporty lad. He’s 16.)
You need to focus on the behaviour of your child. It’s not relevant whether that child is a boy or girl. Regular arguments that end in pushing someone about? Not on.
My son was not much older when a child told him to “suck” well i shall let you work the rest out. That I did feel was unacceptable.
I bet the parents of other children don’t like their kids being pushed much either.

Original poster
4cheekymonkey · 12/12/2019 14:56

Assume you have the one boy then?! Very different from having 2+ and I have never in my life had problem with any of my kids behaviour at school apart from when ds2 stuck up his fingers thinking it's funny to swear and before you lash out on this he had picked it up from another child.
I'm not sure where you get the idea that my child pushed this boy??
Actually it was the other way around but assume you have a chip on your shoulder about something else your child had to endure so I let you rage!!
I'm afraid I feel I'm allowed to say I know roughly how boys work based on the fact i have 4 of them although that's not to say always know how to deal with them.
Hope you have a nice afternoon!!

OP posts:
Mulledwineinajug · 12/12/2019 15:19

To me a pussy is a vulva. Is nobody else on this thread interpreting it the same?

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