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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask do you enjoy spending time with your inlaws

144 replies

ILikePandas15 · 11/12/2019 17:40

Almost Christmas so it's likely most of you have to spend some time with your inlaws. Do you enjoy this? I hate spending time with my inlaws, mostly my Mil and it actually ruins Christmas a bit for me especially since we are guilted into staying a few nights.
Also how often do you see your inlaws during the year and how much time do you spend with them at Christmas?

OP posts:
SuperheroBirds · 12/12/2019 11:04

I love my in-laws and would count my mother-in-law as a friend who I enjoy spending time with.
However, I’m a firm believer of the idea that in every relationship there is one crazy mother-in-law, and in my marriage it is my mum!

BlackSwanGreen · 12/12/2019 11:07

My in-laws are staying for 2 nights over Christmas. They are basically well meaning, but I find it a struggle and have to bite my tongue a lot.

ShinyGiratina · 12/12/2019 11:12

Mine are fine. Most are in another country so we tend to do an annual visit each year for a few days. It was nicer when the nephews and nieces were children rather than late teens/ young adults, but they are all decent people. Age is taking its toll on MiL and reducing her conversation topics to very dull, localised ones largely about dull people I've never met ( and DH barely remembers either). She's also just wanting an echo chamber of response rather than a balanced conversation, and there's a limit to how much smile and nod I can do over 4 days. Also keeping the DCs happy is a lost cause. I have the youngest of the family. They can't have toys around on the floor as MiL has become unsteady on her feet, and she doesn't approve of them using tablets and TV. It's hard to keep them quiet when they're stuck in for much of the day in inclement weather. Family favouritism has become more obvious in recent years, not to bad for us a we're quite peripheral. I miss the MiL from 10 years ago. Occasional day visits would be easier than a longer stay.

I'll see BiL over Christmas. A day every few months is fine. He has the next youngest family so that's much easier with the DCs. I just have to make sure that I never sit between DH and BiL while they monologue about DIY loudly over my head. This is an occupational hazard of any male blood relative of DH Grin

Far worse ILs are avaliable. Mine are decent, hygienic and let us live our own lives Grin

cupoftea84 · 12/12/2019 11:22

Love my FIL. MIL sadly passed away before I was seeing DH. I get the impression she'd have been a very loving granny so that's sad.
SIL is grand, if like to be closer to be honest.
DHs extended family I'm not very keen on but they don't bother with us much so that's just reciprocated. I have people in my own extended family we don't see as well.

Slave2love · 12/12/2019 11:42

My in laws are lovely yet I dont really feel comfortable spending time with them. They have been fabulous grandparents to our children but I just dont feel anything for them which I know makes me sound awful. I'm introverted and struggle with social anxiety and in the past having to socialise with my husbands family has lead to many tears and upset on my part, especially at Christmas time when I just want to be with my own Family. In recent years I have withdrawn from social family events and although I feel bad for my husband it has been such a relief not to be forced in to certain family gatherings. My sister in law has our in laws to stay over quite often and I just couldn't imagine doing it as I think after a couple of days I would end up having some sort of meltdown. So all in all my inlaws are very nice people indeed, it's just me who has the issue!

doxxed · 12/12/2019 14:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Concestor · 12/12/2019 14:57

No, I don't enjoy spending time with my in-laws. We have absolutely nothing in common and they don't have any interests at all so there is never anything to talk about. I have tried over the years but now I mostly don't bother because they just sit there on their phones playing games – yes grown adults in their 60s!.

They don't even really acknowledge my children which I find really hard. I constantly have to prompt them to listen to what the children are saying to them or ask them if they will play a game with them. I don't know why they're such hard work but my husband says they've always been like that.

They are coming to visit for five days over Christmas and I can't say I'm looking forward to it. But my children love them and obviously my husband loves them so I just do my best but it's not enjoyable.

EmmaJR1 · 12/12/2019 14:58

Mine live with me so it's a good job they are wonderful 😂

Concestor · 12/12/2019 14:59

And B I L is completely self-centred. We don't even see him any more, because he won't travel to us and he never invites us to him. It's his loss, my children only really think of themselves as having one uncle which on the one hand is a shame but on the other hand he is probably true. He's not there for them and doesn't seem interested in them at all. It's a real shame.

WalkAwaySugarbear · 12/12/2019 15:05

My PIL are lovely. My DCs are very lucky to have grandparents (on both sides) who love to spend time with them. DH has a fab relationship with his parents and they've been so nice to me since we got together. MIL is very close with both of her boys, BIL especially but since they both grew up and moved out there has been no issues at all, there could have been as she dotes on her family. I feel sad for DILs who have terrible MILs.

EmmaStone · 12/12/2019 15:10

My PIL are basically kind, thoughtful people, but we don't have lots in common, so sometimes conversation can be difficult as we can struggle to find common ground to discuss. As they've got older it's become harder, but we don't see much of them as they live 3.5hrs drive away. We don't see SIL and her family that often either (similar distance), but we have more in common with them, and I do enjoy the time we spend together.

Whattodoabout · 12/12/2019 15:12

Honestly, no I do not. My MIL is quite overbearing to say the least (even DH says this and doesn’t have a great relationship with her). FIL is ok but in short doses, I wouldn’t like to spend hours with him. I definitely don’t spend Christmas with the IL’s or even my own parents, we’ve never done that.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 12/12/2019 15:15

I dont feel particularly welcomed at my inlaws house at Christmas but I go for DHS sake. Last year I got cheap toiletries sets when it's me that goes out and gets thoughtful gifts for them. After being with their son for 9 years married for 5,I never feel part of the family and ds who was 2 when we got together got a box of chocolates and 20 quid in a card whilst the other two got a large gift bag full of gifts, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable tbh as she could make more of an effort but she clearly just doesnt see him as part of the family. This year we are dropping him off at his dads before he goes which he says hes happy with as he prefers being with my family then going to his fathers rather then going to the inlaws later on.

Newbie1981 · 12/12/2019 15:15

Not one bit

SevenStones · 12/12/2019 15:17

I miss my brother and sister in law since I got divorced! We're at opposite ends of the country and send Christmas cards.

Thestrangestthing · 12/12/2019 15:17

Nope, but I don't like spending time with my family either 🤷‍♀️

MrHaroldFry · 12/12/2019 15:24

We are very different creatures but we try to pootle along, with some level of compromise. I do admit, there are times I'm unavailable to visit and send my DH and children. We do live a good distance away, enough that visits are a whole day affair as we need to travel there couple of hours and same on return home. In winter visits are shorter as I don't like to drive in the dark of night (conveniently)

Thurmanmurman · 12/12/2019 15:44

I like my ILs. They are nice people and brilliant grandparents so certainly don't resent spending time with. However, I don't have a lot in common with them and they can be quite serious. I do have a much better time with my parents though, proper belly laughs and they like a drink. I'm pretty lucky really.

Itwasntme101 · 12/12/2019 17:05

Mine are ok to spend time with but the blatant favouritism for step MILs kids and grandchildren sticks in the throat a bit. We don't mention it though because it would be denied and all in our head 🙄

JorisBonson · 12/12/2019 17:19

No. I don't even like spending time with my own parents. Unfortunately in laws are quite close and the lot of them are batshit crazy.

Izzwizzo · 12/12/2019 20:25

Both BIL's and SIL's are lovely along with nieces and nephew and we all enjoy spending time together.

FIL and Step-MIL are also lovely, good fun and warm welcoming company and they are amazing with our DD

MIL is the most miserable entitled, joy sucking individual I've ever met. Rude to everyone with a huge victim mentality. Shows no interest at all in her DGC but cannot stand them enjoying any time with any of their other Grandparents. I feel sorry for her and we have put very firm boundaries in place limiting visits recently when DD started to become more aware of her comments but regardless of any effort anyone makes she ensures even low contact is hard work with constant complaints.

I guess no family is perfect Smile

90schic · 12/12/2019 20:27

Hell no. Biggest pack of weirdos ever

IdblowJonSnow · 12/12/2019 20:29

I used to really love them. Not anymore. Its mutual!

SheSnapsThenSheFarts · 12/12/2019 20:30

No, it's Brexit central and both me and my husband (their son) can't wait to get away!
Plus, they feed me less as I'm a woman. Because 'ladies eat less'. And my father in law is sexist. And they're both racist.
Actually, why the fuck are we going down on Boxing Day?

Etinox · 12/12/2019 20:37

Love my mil. I stay with her without dh monthly as I’m working nearby. Really enjoy it, it’s nice to have some time with her.