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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask do you enjoy spending time with your inlaws

144 replies

ILikePandas15 · 11/12/2019 17:40

Almost Christmas so it's likely most of you have to spend some time with your inlaws. Do you enjoy this? I hate spending time with my inlaws, mostly my Mil and it actually ruins Christmas a bit for me especially since we are guilted into staying a few nights.
Also how often do you see your inlaws during the year and how much time do you spend with them at Christmas?

OP posts:
nrpmum · 11/12/2019 18:53

I see in laws eow anyway. Christmas day they are with us. Mil is a total fun sucker, fil is hilarious.

selmabear · 11/12/2019 18:55

Dont really see much of my in laws. FIL is an alcoholic but now works away most of the year so rarely see him. MIL is just, well, strange. She lives less than 30mins away and has never visited our home (I know some of you will see this as a blessing), we always have to go and see her. Me and DP have been together 4 years now. No arguments or fall outs. Its almost like it's too much of an effort to visit her son at his new home. She's the same with her daughter and the home she now shares with her partner. Never set foot in the house. Weird!

Windygate · 11/12/2019 18:57

I've been incredibly lucky MIL is a lovely and very funny woman (FIL died along time ago).
Sadly DH's MIL is a complete nightmare.

whatsinthebagwhatcoulditbe · 11/12/2019 19:00

God, no. They are dreadful. Miserable and small-minded. They voted to leave the EU, they "don't believe" in charitable giving, and they live off junk food. We have absolutely nothing in common.

MRex · 11/12/2019 19:01

I like all my in-laws. Each has their own specific ways, so nobody's perfect, but nor are my family (except my son, one sibling and mum; my DH thinks they're all perfect too, so it's not just me). My PIL are kind and take as good care of me as though I was their own daughter. No surprise that they get plenty of time with their grandson really, difficult people (like my other sibling) are much harder to accommodate.

MoodLighting · 11/12/2019 19:04

My PILs are really kind, generous people and they love the DC so much. They act much older than they are, though with the TV on constantly and rarely leaving the house. I just find it weird.

Pipandmum · 11/12/2019 19:05

My husband passed away ten years ago but I make an effort to see his mother and step father with my kids two or three times a year. They live 70 miles away and I always initiate and go to them. They were 'hands off' grandparents and MIL didn't get on with my husband's first wife and therefore she has minimal relationship with her first two grandkids but she likes me. She's the only living grandparent to my kids so I want them to still have a relationship plus it's another connection to their dad. I do enjoy the time I spend with them but she's getting a bit demented now and is mid 80s so imagine not too many years left.

Aria2015 · 11/12/2019 19:06

Spend Christmas with them most years . Wouldn't say I enjoy it but it's ok. Not bad just different to how I'd 'do' Christmas with my family.

easyandy101 · 11/12/2019 19:08

Used to love the outlaws but watching how they treat my partner I'm kinda sickened and it makes it harder to like them

Might swerve them this year

sohypnotic · 11/12/2019 19:10

Yes

EskewedBeef · 11/12/2019 19:13

No, not really. My husband doesn't like spending time with them either, so it's not just me being awkward. They're very insular and not interested in anything.

mrssunshinexxx · 11/12/2019 19:13

Love my in laws my mil is everything I could of hoped for in one. See her at least twice a week see my own mum same amount or more we all hang out together too, spending Xmas all together

saraclara · 11/12/2019 19:14

My in-laws were the most hospitable, accepting and and affectionate of people. I loved visiting them.

Ohyesiam · 11/12/2019 19:14

Kiiiiiind of.
Would more willingly spend time with FIL ( what happens to women? Will that be us one day?Shock) .

They live somewhere really beautiful with beech woodland all around them, and they have a deep love of the land around them. Both of which I really appreciate.

All food is meat and two veg style which is v dull, but that’s just me being fussy.

elmosducks · 11/12/2019 19:16

LC with PIL as my FIL makes Victor Meldrew look cheerful.
DH goes to see them whenever we visit the UK.
Love my BIL and SIL, and DN's.

Dutch1e · 11/12/2019 19:16

I love mine. I was a bit wary when I first learned that DH owned a house less than 5 mins cycle from his parents but I can see why now. They're warm, loving, and very easy to know.

I don't have very much family and have been estranged from my mum for years so being welcomed with open arms (literally, my now-MIL threw open her arms for a hug when we first met) means a lot to me.

Christmas is going to be lovely again.

mindutopia · 11/12/2019 19:17

No, well, we are fairly LC with MIL. She married a paedophile, so I wouldn’t shed a tear if I never saw her again. She has limited contact with our dc and obviously we can never visit her (her paedo husband doesn’t allow dh or I there, not that we’d want to visit anyway). We see her maybe a handful of times in a year - which is already too much for me.

Dh has a lovely extended family, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, who have taken us in. We are spending Christmas with them instead.

Gillian1980 · 11/12/2019 19:18

I like seeing my MIL and other in-laws.

Throughout the year I see them roughly every 3-4 weeks.

Christmas we tend to go to MIL on Christmas Eve for meal & presents. Then we often see extended in-laws sometime between Christmas and New Year.

Niki93 · 11/12/2019 19:19

I unfortunately dont have much of a relationship with my in laws. They’re just not ‘my kind of people’ which is a shame. Because my boyfriend is incredibly close with all my family and vice versa. But i think thats because (and im genuinely not saying this from bias) but they really make an effort with him and have since day one, welcomed him and made him feel comfortable which he really appreciated so their relationship blossemed ever since. I didnt ever get that arms open approach from his family. I was very much kept at arms length untill they decided i was ‘serious’ with my partner. Id say we’re civil and thats about it. I chose to spend time with my fam more because we feel more comfortable there. His family can be hot and cold, often rude, sometimes judgemental and patronising so thats enough for me not to bother.

Me and my partner seperate on Christmas day. I go to my families, he goes to his then meets up with me and my family straight after. Theyve invited me before but i know id hate it. They have no sense of humour and have some really bigoted opinions that i just cba to listen to.

I probably see my in laws 5 times a year max. But when i do see them it’s usually just shite small talks so its not like im missing out. We just have a shirt catch up, remain civil and part again. My family cook us meals, invite us to parties, invite us for drinks, invite us on days out or trips away, always make a cuppa for us everytime we pop round, they often pop round ours, we have a laugh, we take the piss out each other, its just such a better atmosphere than his family’s. Thats why my boyfriend even likes spending more time with my family than his own x

notalwaysalondoner · 11/12/2019 19:20

I really like my PIL, we see them probably 3-4 times a year for a weekend, plus 2-3 days at Christmas. They live about 3 hours away. We always go to them as we only have a small flat - I sometimes find their complete lack of interest in visiting their son in London bizarre but at least it means we have control of how much and when we see them. We haven’t had kids yet though so I’m aware this might change the dynamic.

SIL is a tricky character - she’s mid twenties, but acts like a 12 year old around her mother - slamming doors, refusing to leave her room, acting like she’s the most embarrassing mother in the world. It’s pretty sad. I get on with her fine but I’m very aware that if I got on the wrong side of her she’d probably go NC immediately, so I’m very careful with her and I wouldn’t say we’re close. She’s lived abroad the last couple of years so I see her maybe twice a year.

Waveysnail · 11/12/2019 19:20

I love my inlaws. Dont always see eye to eye with them but they are my family, warts and all. They love me and my children. They are never deliberately mean just very different upbringing to mine. But they do loads for me and I appreciate them

WhenYouCantRunYouCrawl · 11/12/2019 19:23

Like my SIL and her husband.

MIL is ok. She has a tendency to rant a bit about various things that she's read about in the Daily Mail which gets a little tedious and she can be a bit insensitive with her comments. She's basically ok in small doses but would probably drive me mad if I saw more of her.

FIL is a misogynistic wanker.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 11/12/2019 19:28

I like spending time with my PIL’s. My relationship with my MIL was always strained and difficult, until my DM passed away and then MIL completely changed towards me, she became kind, caring and really lovely, and our relationship is how it should have been from the beginning.

Baublesonthetree · 11/12/2019 19:29

I can’t tolerate MIL or BIL’s company anymore. Over the years a lot of tension has developed and it’s impossible to relax around them. Any conversation is guarded and often (in hindsight) full of passive aggressiveness.

Whilst I wouldn’t choose FIL’s company, I am comfortable spending time with him. Making myself absent for the in-laws visit this year. Very envious of everyone with warm relationships!

Snowmonster · 11/12/2019 19:32

Absolutely not.
The MIL is a crass, inconsiderate, fag ash Lil who when I was pregnant would smoke around me if we visited. My OH would say it was her house and he would not ask her to go outside to stop smoking in her own house so I stopped visiting.

We've seen her once in 3 years and that's how I like it.
She is down at my OH's brother over Christmas (1.5 hours away) and would like to see our son, I've told OH I will not be going so he said he won't go either. MIL has not bothered with her grandson in three years (no birthday or christmas cards, no phonecalls about him nothing). She can rot for all I care.