To ask your advice regarding doctors appt?

[ShellsandSand]

I'm sorry to post in AIBU? But it was the topic of my last thread and the app is playing up and not allowing me to change it. Anyway, my 8 year old DD is displaying some women signs of Dyspraxia. I'm not one to self diagnose but Dyspraxia is something that caught my attention many years ago when on hearing the signs I could relate as to why I always felt so useless and like I didn't 'work properly' Anyway back to my Daughter. Since being a baby we have noticed things that have stuck out for us such as pointing with her middle finger, writing and drawing with both hands (albeit not very good so definitely not ambidextrous) poor foot and hand coordination when it comes to sports, dance, swimming, biking. Not being able to sit on a chair with her legs down and extremely poor posture. Her hand writing is appalling compared to her peers and her teacher is constantly pulling me on it. We have bought her all the cursive handwriting aids on Amazon with no improvement. We have a 4 year old DD who can do most things better than my 8 year old DD and I'm so worried that she will start to notice and feel useless or incapable. The thing is I know it's not through wsnt of trying. She tries soooooo hard and I push her hard but the outcome is always the same. Here's the thing. I would like to seek the advice of a GP and maybe find out if this is something like Dyspraxia so have made an appt for a couple of weeks time. The thing is I don't want her sat in the room with me whilst I list all these things we have noticed that she me feel are 'faults' and that her Mum is trash talking her. Especially if it turns out she hasnt got it and she's just gormless! How do I deal with this? Should I speak to the Doctor on my own and then bring her in after or explain to her beforehand. I'm really worried about the impact it could have on her self confidence. Has anyone been through anything similar? And I'm not a snowflake raising a snowflake I just think 8 is a funny age to hear a huge list of things your parents think you're doing wrong. TIA

Ignore 'women signs' and any other grammatical errors. I apolgise, I'm on a train and very tired

I don't know how happy a gp would be to have an appointment with a certain patient and then them not be there...so I'd take DD in.
Could you write them down so you aren't sat "trash talking" her.
Go into the GP, say you are worried but she is showing these signs, she tries so hard but no matter how hard she is struggling with these things, could it be dyspraxia?

Have you had contact with the schools Senco? I have been in your situation but with a different issue, I made an appointment with the Senco and spoke to them about all the concerns I had. With regards to the gp you can make an appointment and go alone to discuss your concerns first so that your daughter isnt there to hear you talking about her. The gp will then decide whether or not they need to see her in person. Hope that helps

does your DDs school have a SENCO? I would think they are better placed in the first instance

I would phone the surgery explain the situation briefly and ask if you can have a phone call with the doctor, then explain to the doctor you are worried but don't want to discuss all the symptoms in front of your DD.
When you do go and see the doctor I would write down all the things/symptoms you are concerned about and give the doctor your list, they can read through it and then she/he can talk to you and your DD, ask some relevant questions and hopefully give you a referral to a specialist (which I am guessing you would need for a diagnosis).

I definitely wouldn’t take her with you if you need to list off the symptoms that you’re worried about. A GP really wouldn’t want you to do that either as it’s not in the interests of the child. Can you ask for a phone call with your GP first to discuss your concerns and then a face to face appointment with your daughter so the GP can observe her?

If I were you I would just call the surgery and ask how they would advise you handle this situation. It can’t be uncommon. The same would apply to a parent concerned about their child’s mental health. They will have a procedure for dealing with it.

Great suggestions. Thank you all.

I did this with my dc over a different matter at the same age. I told reception that The appointment was for me, but regarding my child.

Your dd sounds like a good soul, I hope she can access some support.

Gp would need to refer to a developmental paediatrician and/or occupational therapy. Worth taking a list of issues to discuss , including input from her school, and see if they need to see your dc before referring.

I don't know how happy a gp would be to have an appointment with a certain patient and then them not be there...so I'd take DD in. Perfectly happy, provided the patient agreed, if they were an adult. No probs with your child.

Hiya OP.

Didn't want to read and run.
I had the exact same thoughts as you.
My DS 10 sounds the same as your DD.
His DF didn't see what I saw although that's probably down to the fact that he has similar traits.
I took my DS to the GP last december. Had a brief conversation, nothing notable and certainly didn't come away feeling like it would do us any favours.
We were told we would hear from a Pediatrician possibly.. she told me that referrals to a Pead weren't usually common and it really depended on what he had on. ( Honestly, straight from the GPs mouth )
2 weeks later we had a letter with an appointment to meet our DS paediatrician.
He diagnosed DCD ( Dyspraxia )
We already knew our DS was Dyslexic and they are fairly common together.
Our paediatrician also suggest a Blood work micro array, basically checking for any genetic issues within his blood.
10 weeks later we find out he has a rare chromosome disorder - really rare which explains a few of his problems.
This was back in May.
We have our first Genetics appointment tomorrow and, I am beyond worried.

I guess what I'm trying to say is call the GP, be frank and honest with them but, also with your DD.
It's never nice talking about the people you love most whilst they're sat next to you. My DS has found this very hard, its heartbreaking.
Good Luck.

Sorry also forgot to add.
You don't need to call them her faults - they aren't her faults, they are normal to her and that's the main thing.
She isn't doing anything wrong, she just learns differently and, some things are more difficult for her than others.
Either way your DD will know you're talking about her if she's in the room or not. We have made sure our DS is in the room with us and we speak with him at the same time. They're a similar age - its incredible how much they can handle.
If she's anything like my DS she will be the most caring, kind and warm individual.

Thank you for the replies everyone. I remember growing up and feeling like I couldn't keep up with my peers. The intelligence was there but I couldn't do the practical work and my presentation would let me down. My mum would yell at me for being clumsy and not standing up straight. I thought I was standing up straight but apparently I was sticking my chest right out and my siblings would laugh at me not grasping this. My writing again, is appaling and no matter how hard I tried, would trail off into messy and different sized writing making my work look awful. I struggle with applying make up and simple activities like approaching an escalator because its moving, I hesitate and wait for a comfortable opportunity to climb on. I see so much of myself in my Daughter and do not want anyone to berate her when I see her trying so hard. She's so clever and has the best ideas for stories and screenplays but simple tasks escape her. I am.so grateful for all the advice and will take it all on board hoping we can get some help. Thank you.

How awful for the both of you.
Whilst you're they're you can talk about yourself with the GP and maybe they'll be able to help the both of you? Your DD will appreciate the honesty from you - you can help each other. Don't push her, that has never helped my DS but, encourage and make sure she knows that she's not stupid!!! My DS has had a few problems recently and he is calling himself 'thick, stupid, idiot'.
Some so called friends at his school have told him his brain doesn't work... :/
Happy to help if you need any more advice?

Gosh - don't discuss a list of 'problems' in front of your 8 year old. Phone appointment first off , and go from there.

Honestly, the Gp probably wouldn’t be overly interested and refer you to another service.l anyway. Perhaps a paediatrician, am occupational therapist, physiotherapist who can asses her in a proper manner.

I must confess. I lost my temper with her this morning. I asked the kids to put their shoes and coat on and wait by the door. My youngest had done it and put her hat on and zipped up and was standing by the door. My DD I'm worried about was singing in the toilet, not actually on the toilet and had her shoes on the wrong feet and looked like she had thrown her coat and scarf at herself. She looked sloppy. I shouted at her for being unorganised. I was tired and frustrated. I really upset her and even though I apologised before she went into school one of the other Mums messaged me saying she saw her in the cloakroom crying. I have been crying all morning. I should know better. My husband thinks I should get her some flowers to apologise and give them to her when I go to pick her up. The mum guilt is strong today. 😔

Really? We've all shouted at our kids when they don't do what they're asked to do. It's not the end of the world. Give her a cuddle at pick up, say sorry and then have a chat about how you can help her be more organised. Once you have a diagnosis it'll be easier but for now you'll have to wing it and ask for her help to make certain times of the day run more smoothly

I feel for you , no experience I’m afraid but just give her a big cuddle when you pick her up and tell her you didn’t mean to upset her ,you were just tired .
We’ve all done it ,sadly .
Really hope the app goes well

My son sounds a lot like your DD - DS is 21 now but his handwriting is still appalling (not for want of trying!). DS is dyspraxic, but he also was diagnosed with hyper mobility syndrome when he was young - his issues with handwriting came down to his finger joints being so hyper mobile that he was struggling to hold a pen/pencil. He couldn't sit up straight, couldn't pick up things using pincer movement, got extremely sore & fatigued doing the littlest things.

I only mention it, in case you think some of it might be similar. You can look up hypermobility - there is a "Beighton score" where you look at certain joints & their hyper mobility - you can do that yourself to rule it out. If, however, she is, do mention it to GP.

If you need any more info - if that happens to be the case - do PM me.

DS1 has ASD.
When I made the initial GP appointment asking for a referral for him he was 5, so old enough for us to have similar worries about him thinking we were “trash talking” him.

I explained to the GP receptionist that I wanted to talk to the GP about DS1 because we had concerns about his development, but that I didn’t want to list the concerns in front of DS1.
The GP was fine about me going and talking to the GP without DS1 in the room, but they asked that someone have DS1 in the waiting room in case the GP wanted to see DS1 after I’d finished explaining our concerns.

Perhaps you and Dad or a family member friend can go to the appt? You go into the appt, quickly explain the situation while your kid stays outside with whoever is accompanying you. Then you bring her in?

You sound at the end of your tether. sENCO would be the best option, not GP.

Senco and GP. The more referrals, the more likely it is you'll get somewhere in the next year or two.

At 8, she's old enough to wait in the waiting room while you talk to the GP, but I agree a phone appt would probably be best to start with.

I have dyspraxia. I'd recommend discussing it with school first. If you have no joy with her class teacher, ask to speak to the SEN lead.
And if you need to go the GP route, book a telephone appointment and discuss with them yourself in the first instance. This is a very common approach and won't raise eyebrows. Even face to face without your daughter would be fine.