To let my three-year-old sleep in our bed?

[Brittany2019]

My three-year-old used to be a great sleeper and would sleep all night in her own bed easily. For the last two months or so, though, she wakes up several times a night, quite distressed.

Unfortunately one night while we were away without DP, I made the mistake of letting her come into my bed, and now she wants to get into our bed almost every night.

We've been returning her to her own bed, but she's still scared and wants one of us to stay with her, so every night we have a battle. We've tried night lights etc, but nothing seems to help.
This has been going on for a good few weeks now, and I'm tired of it (in all senses of the word).

WIBU just to give up and let her come into our bed when she wants? Our bed is big enough, tbh. Or would this mean she's going to be sleeping with us for years to come?

My dd is 3, some nights she sleeps through in her own bed, some nights she stirs at 4am and in she comes, some nights it's a disaster and she never settles in her bed.

She is my 4th and I did serious bedtime battles with ds for a decade, as he just didn't sleep. Wasn't worth the stress. He's a grotty teen now and can't get him out of bed.

So this one I just roll with it, she sleeps, I sleep, I can live with that. It won't last forever.

Co-sleeping works for us. We did it with my DD, who has slept very happily in her own bed from the age of 4, and now again with her little brother.

If you and DP are both ok with it then I don't see the harm. We bought a massive bed because one or other of my youngest two were always in with us! They are 9 and 10 now and I can't remember the last time they were in with us so it does stop!

My 4yo ends up in our bed every night. I hate it and I get a shit sleep and not enough sex. I'd recommend nipping it in the bud.

Well, of course, now that we’ve decided we’re a-ok with her sleeping in our bed, she slept all night in her own bed last night.

Ha! Well done.

I would be careful with advice saying they grow out of it etc. Our DS is nine and he still wants to sleep with us every night. He hates sleeping in his own room. I should have nipped it in the bud but was swayed by the idea that it would stop at four then five etc. Honestly I feel like he is going to be there at 20 at this rate! I'd nip in the bud now.

It won't be long recycled until the teenage stage of finding parents horribly embarrassing sets in and then he won't be seen dead in your bed

Haha, of course she did :)

My Dd slept with me on and off for years and tbh I hated it. She would velcro on to me and wriggle and sweat and I got no sleep at all. It was just marginally better than getting no sleep because she was waking up in her bed, getting up and down and screaming all night and me having to sit in her room for hours on end. This went on for over 3 years. I was therefore very, very focused on DS having a better sleep routine from day 1 (which included bottles instead of bf) and he was subsequently an easy baby sleep-wise. No issues with him getting in with me.

Now they are 8 and 4 they both occasionally get in with me. I'm single now so no more middle of the night arguments about it. I am happy for them to get in with me if they have had a nightmare or are poorly or whatever but generally they sleep well in their own beds.

I can see both sides. 4 years ago I strongly believed that I absolutely made a rod for my own back with DD and it was our issues that led to her terrible sleep patterns. Bed sharing was a huge part of this. Now I think they're only little once and it's no bad thing having the physical and emotional closeness that bed sharing brings. But this probably has more to do with my journey as a parent, my relationship with their dad and their individual personalities. If you and she are happy and settled then do whatever works.

I wish my four year old would come and cuddle me in the night! He used to end up in our bed regularly when he was breastfeeding but from being 2 1/2 onwards he just slept in his own bed.

Of course yanbu it's biologically normal and natural. You are her safe place, let her sleep with you. She'll grow out of it

Absolutely no problem if you're OK with it! I co sleep with dd who is 2.5 for the second half of the night. She wakes up and comes to find me so I go and get in with her as dh is a noisy bugger in bed and he'd disturb her otherwise. Dd is like a ninja she basically sleeps with one eye open, you only have to cough and she stirs.

I never stop my 3 year old dd getting in my bed. I'd much rather give my daughter that comfort.

She’s little. She tried it for a night and realised what she was missing. I know lots of adults that don’t like to sleep alone. I always find it a bit odd that a man and women will share a bed whilst up half the night trying to make sure the kids are on their own.

YANBU. My 4yo sleeps in with me 3 or 4 nights a week and we sleep really well thankfully as none of us are fidgets. She can sleep in my bed any time she wants. She likes having me near and honestly, I like having her near. God knows I’ll miss her when she prefers her own bed.

My 3 1/2 year old has been a great sleeper for ages and then suddenly in the last few months comes into our bed nearly every night. We aim to start the night in her bed or move her back to her bed if she’s fallen asleep in ours, but if she comes in during the night we just leave her. I figure if she wants the comfort then what’s the harm. We’re very gently encouraging her with a sticker chart so she knows if she does sleep in her bed all night she gets a sticker and a prize at 5. So far she’s managed two nights in about a fortnight but we don’t get cross or mention the chart if she’s not done it- just lots of praise and excitement when she has.

My daughter is 2yrs 4 months and has never slept in our bed. I'm not a fan of co-sleeping, I need my space and privacy without a wriggly toddler in there!
When my daughter has been upset or had nightmares I prefer to go into her room and get her settled - sometimes all I have to do is put her back to bed with a bit of a shhh and a pat. Failing that I'll sit on "mummy's chair" at the side of her bed until she falls asleep - I like this method as she's still in her own bed and feeling settled. I think it's really important for a child to like their bed and enjoy sleeping in it.
For the worst cases I'll make up a little bed on the floor next to her and sleep there.
She's only ever slept in our bed once when she had a fever. She loves coming in for cuddles in the mornings but for me personally, I'm really glad she sleeps in her own bed!

DS13 sometimes sneaks in during the wee small hours when he's been woken by something.

DS still comes into our bed most night. We coslept from birth. We started putting him in his own bed about a year ago. Bedtime always starts in his own bed. But I'm not going to kick him out of my room if he comes in - he's 4.2y. He doesn't like waking up alone. Which is fine with me.

My DS is 3.9 and sleeps in with me as we're fairly recently separated from his Dad. My mother wouldn't even let me in her bedroom as a child or teen let alone co sleep and we have an appalling relationship, I think that says it all!

Whys it a rod? I love co sleeping. Nothing better than a wee snuggly toddler cuddling you in the night.

Many British people will say you shouldn’t let her. But in most other cultures you’d considered cruel for NOT having a child that young in with you. In fact in some cultures kids will share with their parents until they’re around 11! I have mine in with me and will do until they’re wanting their own room. I’m an expat and where I am this is the done thing. None of the complaining about lack of sleep like everyone in the UK seems to be doing, because kids sleep happily and for longer hours when feeling safe in bed with their parents.

My 6 year old comes in with us most nights! He's small, and not a wriggly sleeper though, so I don't mind. Especially now the weather is cold! It's less fun in summer.