To ask for tips managing anxiety on long journey

[dreamerofdreams27]

I've posted before about my struggles with anxiety and how it tends to rear it's head when I have to step into unfamiliar situations. Another major trigger for me is travelling. I think a lot of it is down to the fact that one of my key anxiety symptoms is urgently needing the toilet so when I'm stuck in a car on the motorway I begin to panic that I need to go and I can't. This panic physically induces the need to go. It's a really horrible cycle.

This weekend we are due to travel to visit family and do some Xmas activities with the kids. The journey is approx 2 hours in the car and I'm already worrying about how I'll cope. Dp is supportive but I'm just sick of this fear ruining what should be happy occasions. Can anyone offer any tips to try and control this anxiety on the journey? I've spoken to my gp who doesn't think I qualify for medication at this stage.

It might sound a bit crass but would it help if you prepared for the worst? It's unlikely you will wee yourself but maybe if you put a towel down on your seat with something plastic in it...and packed a change of knickers and bottoms, you'd feel more in control.

I mean think about it...the thing you fear is nothing...it's a completely manageable thing.

Do you do the driving or does DH? I find if I'm driving I feel more in control, if I want to stop at every services to see if I need a wee I can with it having to ask for permission.

Using the sat nav with live traffic updates on my phone can also help, the Eta is usually fairly accurate, plus I can see any red areas of traffic on the route ahead and plan to stop before them if there's a chance I'll need a wee.

Other than that, monitoring my fluid intake before the journey, not dehydrating myself, but being aware that for a morning journey probably one cup of coffee and a bottle of water to sip on if I feel thirsty is probably sufficient, I can make up for it when I arrive.

Also think about what you're wearing, jeans that press into my stomach when I'm in the car can exacerbate my feelings of needing a wee, whereas leggings won't, even if I get changed when i arrive.

bachs rescue remedy from holland and barrett is good for things like this, it's in dropper form so no tablets.
listening to soothing music through head phones with my eyes closed helps me - i get travel sick, sit where you are most comfortable if possible window open a jar, try steady breathing and mentally zone out, you might fall asleep added bonus.

@BillHadersNewWife You are totally right - I give too much power to the fear of the worst happening. A lot of my anxiety is brought on by the feeling of being trapped in spaces where I can't escape or get to a loo. The same things happen in meetings at work or any place where it's not simple to quickly 'get out.'

I've tried to reason with myself that in the very very worst case scenario I'd just have to go at the side of the road but that's not exactly appealing either! And without being too TMI it can be both bowels and bladder that get irritated so it can be so stressful. The other symptoms of anxiety like the racing heart, sweating etc aren't pleasant but I can manage them. With my toileting issues it just scares the hell out of me

I often wondered about the effectiveness of rescue remedy and kalms and so on. Might be worth a try.

I suffered from this sort of anxiety as a child. It made me too scared to do anything, like trips out etc. I would often pretend I wasn't well to get out if it.
I have overcome it mostly now, but it does sometimes rear its head still
How about something similar to what someone above suggested, where you actually plan to stop at every service station (regardless if whether you need to go or not) so that you have that security in your mind.

Aside from the actual journey, why not try not going to the toilet when you need, but when you are at home and free to go whenever you want. Sort of train yourself to be comfortable with needing the loo but having to hold it for a while, so that you know you can, if that makes sense. You might feel a bit more in control of it then.

My mum has a week bladder and suffers with anxiety on long journeys. She always wears a sanitary towel and before we go we note all the service stations or places she could use the loo if she needs to. We’ve only had to stop a couple of times in the last few years but it reassures her to know the nearest toilet isn’t far. Good luck op x

I have the same issue. I love to travel, but loathe the act of actual travelling.

I restrict fluids a few hours before I leave.

I also take mebeverine(much better than buscopan!), which is an bowel antispasmodic and will reduce the urge and urgency, and I also might take an imodium before the journey. And carry imodium instants too.

Propranolol will stop a lot of the other symptoms. It's fantastic for situational anxiety, I wonder why your GP didn't suggest it. It's worth asking about it.

Rescue remedy spray/drops. I think they’re great and good for travelling.
Anything that can distract you? If you’re not driving. Like listening to a podcast/music/watching a film on a iPad? Good luck

Rescue remedy and kalms are fantastic. Definitely worth a try.

I could have written this myself OP. My panic is needing a number 2 though, I've had this for years and it controls where I can go and what activities I can do. I was watching Cruising with Jane McDonald and she went on a 4 hour walk along some mountainside and she said there's no toilets at all, no way on earth could I contemplate doing something like that! I take Sertraline for anxiety but it hasn't helped for this particular worry as yet

@dreamerofdreams27 I give too much power to the fear of the worst happening.

During some counselling I worked through a similar fearfulness. My counsellor made me spell out the exact worst case scenarios, and asked me "what then?" at each stage. Might that help?

Take the example about being unable to get to the loo

How can you plan for that? Numerous ways:

• You can go before you leave home.
• Stop at every services for a try.
• Wear a tena pad or similar.
• Carry some kind of receptacle to wee in in case you are caught short
• Bring a change of clothes, maybe some wipes.
• Sit on a towel.
• etc.

Then look at the total worst case scenario: you wet yourself in the car.

What happens? You end up with wet bottom half clothing and possibly a wet towel. But you have a way to clean yourself up and a change of clothes. You can do so at the next service station, or by pulling off the motorway at the next junction and finding a loo in a shop or garage - there will be one or the other every few miles so it will be a matter of minutes at most. You then continue your journey as normal.

I can personally vouch for the spelling it out demystifying the fear. I did it in advance of something that was really scaring me and it worked.

Good luck

Thanks for all the helpful replies really helps to know I'm not alone. It seems like such a stupid and bizarre thing to get worked up over that I sometimes feel as if I'm the only one. I think the fear is embarrassment and I've built it up to be such a big thing in my head that I've probably taken it out of context. I really want to stop this ruling me and my life. I've been tempted to cancel this trip but I know if i do then it'll be a slippery slope

I totally get you op. I don't have bladder issues but I hate needing a wee and panic if I can't find a loo so whenever we travel I research where toilets are, opening times and what coins I need if they're not free.

With a two hour car journey I would want to stop at least once so would find a service station or restaurant halfway along the route. I put the postcode in the sat nav so I can clearly see when we will be stopping.

I am fine on trains an planes where loos are nearby and can often get through 2/3 hours without needing to go because I KNOW I can, whereas in the car it's not that easy so it's completely psychological.

I find drinking decaff tea and coffee helps but I won't drink at all for an hour or so before a journey. I sip on water and suck sweets.

I did actually ask about beta blockers as my anxiety is very much situational rather than constant but my GP shot that idea down straight away. She said they can create some pretty nasty side effects. I was quite disappointed because I feel like being able to take something to contain the physical symptoms could actually give me the mental confidence and capability to overcome this. I think she wanted me to go down the counselling, cbt route first (which I haven't had success with in the past)

@dreamerofdreams27 and @readyforchangenow

I have exactly the same problem and too could have written the post. However unlike you I have let it rule my life. I too sit and watch TV programs where people are active outside and think there's no way I could do that.

I'm reading posts from people about coming to the end of a decade and what have you done. My answer would be 'I've wasted it'. However controlling this problem is it makes me feel safe (stops me coming out of my comfort zone iyswim).

I hope I haven't hi jacked this thread, but just wanted to let you know I get it.

You’re approaching this wrong. I know this as soon as you said “control my anxiety”. Stop trying to control it. Let it go wherever it wants to go, let it be as bad as it wants to be. This is classic catastrophising. You honestly need to adopt a “fuck it” attitude. Only then will everything begin to settle down.

I have this too and agree with pp re propranolol.

My Dr says it's really common

Long journey - 2 hours

I used to commute further than that one way, some days !

@Parking264T1me that's not really helpful lol. To me a 20 minute journey feels like eternity if my anxiety is playing up and I'm desperate for the toilet.

I wish I could have a more 'fuck it' kind of attitude. I know it's all in my head. I used to be able to go places and do things with no issues but because the anxiety and physical symptoms seem to work in a vicious cycle it's like my mind and body are totally conspiring together against me.

I read up on the fight or flight response which says that when our body's go into panic mode our body's automatically try to empty themselves in order to make us be able to run away from the perceived danger faster. So I understand why the toilet things happen I just don't know how to stop it!

I could of written this post!

I have let it control my life. Often if someone starts a conversation with me, even family or friends, I literally think I am about to shit my self... but the feeling is real and I have to rush to the toilet and I actually do poop- so it's not like I can ignore it.

Big deal @Parking264T1me , in fact bully for you!

Instead of looking at it as a long journey, could you look at it as several shorter ones? Journey 1 = 25 mins to service station 1. Journey 2 = 30 mins to service station 2 etc.

I'm with MT2017 only my drug of choice is diazapan. I only take a small amount 2mg I think and it just means I can cope. For me it's flying (necessary evil for me as family in another country) and trains.
And woo fucking hoo Parking264T1me round of applause.

Don't take diazepam if you are driving though