To ask for tips managing anxiety on long journey

[dreamerofdreams27]

I've posted before about my struggles with anxiety and how it tends to rear it's head when I have to step into unfamiliar situations. Another major trigger for me is travelling. I think a lot of it is down to the fact that one of my key anxiety symptoms is urgently needing the toilet so when I'm stuck in a car on the motorway I begin to panic that I need to go and I can't. This panic physically induces the need to go. It's a really horrible cycle.

This weekend we are due to travel to visit family and do some Xmas activities with the kids. The journey is approx 2 hours in the car and I'm already worrying about how I'll cope. Dp is supportive but I'm just sick of this fear ruining what should be happy occasions. Can anyone offer any tips to try and control this anxiety on the journey? I've spoken to my gp who doesn't think I qualify for medication at this stage.

Won't be able to get any medication now, not in time for the weekend anyway. Dr seemed really reluctant to give me anything. It might be worth looking at again in the future though. It's just such a silly worry. When I was younger I did so much travelling and this never crossed my mind yet now it rules my life

Rescue Remedy and some relaxing roll on aromatherapy oils could help. I do avoid drinking much before long journeys as have a commute on a packed train/tube. Sipping water can be calming though if you don’t like being trapped. Some relaxing podcasts as well to distract you if you can. There are some good ones about managing anxiety for example - Calmer You for example. Anna Mathur on Instagram often talks about instructive anxiety driven thoughts, if you’re on insta.

I get like this but induce motion sickness/nausea with my anxiety. I went to the GP and they gave me promethazine. Usually I hate taking stuff but the anxiety/nausea was ruining my life.

Take one tablet before bed (listen to this instruction as the tablet will knock you out for 6-8 hours 😂 I took my first in the morning and slept all day!) then the next day you wake up all refreshed and anxiety/symptom free.

I was shocked by how much they helped. DH and I spent 4 weeks traveling around the world and I didn’t get nauseas once!

It’s honestly like someone has just flipped the anxiety switch in your brain to ‘off’.

Would lots of practical back up planning help, do you think? I have a very anxious child and he manages a lot more if he knows there is a plan B set up if he needs it. He hardly ever does, but knowing he has that back up gives him the confidence to try.

Eg you could try avoiding motorways if that doesn't affect the journey time too much, or planning to use the motorway and having a back up plan to divert off onto smaller roads if you feel the urgency come on. Being off the motorway gives you a lot more opportunities to stop if you need to. Would a "bog in a box" /disposable camping toilet in the boot help? You can create a reasonable amount of privacy from the road by ducking between the car and an open door, especially with a strategically positioned towel to cover a window. Also consider travelling in a long skirt and layering so that anything soiled is covered up while you are walking to the loos.

Take some loperamide it slows down both pees and poos in my experience

Are you menopausal /peri menopausal? It's a very common side affect, I started feeling this way about 38 and it grew until I realized the reason and sought help. It's very normal and nothing to be ashamed about.

I'm mid 30s so it's possible but no other symptoms.

Could you take the train and be met at the other end of the journey?

I have nothing useful to say - just to say I fully sympathise. I struggle with toilet issues when I'm anxious too (along with the racing heart etc). I often wish that human beings didn't have to go to the toilet. I think my life would be amazing if that aspect of it was taken away. I turn down so much for exactly that reason, because I know it will make me anxious.

I hope you're okay, and that you fight this better than I can. :(

Another one saying immodium (or a cheap own brand version) is your friend. That and an incontinence pad, if you really wouldn't be able to stop when you need to.

My bowel doesn't entirely love life, and DH is fully supportive if we have to stop at every service station for a couple of hours. If you're travelling with others, how supportive are they? Getting them on board may really help, both physically and psychologically.

I'm reading posts from people about coming to the end of a decade and what have you done. My answer would be 'I've wasted it'.

Something I read a while ago stuck:

"In a year's time, you'll wish you had started today"

It really worked for me because I was forever finding reasons to put off doing/being/going XYZ.

I'm the same OP even down to the needing it for a poo rather than a wee! And of course anxiety makes your bowels go, which just makes it all a vicious circle. I have been in therapy for years, done CBT, hypnotherapy, on anti anxiety medication. I've tried wearing incontinence pants "just in case". I've taken Immodium, done deep breathing, Rescue Remedy. I've never actually had an incontinence accident, but have come very close on occasion so I feel the fear of it happening is very real. If I could just stop feeling the way I do, tell myself to get over it, I would do. My DH isn't always sympathetic, and a previous partner was downright awful once when I was ill when travelling so I think that has stayed with me.

What I've learnt is that I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I'm better if my mind is occupied so I don't have time to think about the "What ifs?". Therefore I'm better driving than being a passenger.

I am facing my fears slowly, allowing myself to feel good when I take short journeys successfully, that I am able to deal with it. Previously I have beaten myself up for being pathetic for having such an issue (especially as I once travelled abroad regularly). I am effectively training myself to be kinder to myself to remove the pressure and build my self esteem back.

Not sure if any of that sounds similar to you?

TL:DR Take Immodium, do the driving, plan regular loo breaks. Celebrate your successful achievement at the other end!!

I find it helpful to have a solution for "if the worst comes to the worst". So in your situation I would carry a she-see and a bottle (the she-wee works better with about 6 inches of extension tube), wear a pad in case of drips, and tuck a bag behind the seat with a change of underwear and trousers. So I'm then confident that whatever happens I can cope. And so, of course, nothing does happen.

Remember you can do almost anything in a car below windscreen level and nobody will notice.

Did you post about this a couple of weeks ago? I posted on it a the time but it's not in TIO.

It sounds like maybe you need to ask to see a different GP if you are this troubled with your anxiety. It sounds like she’s not taking you seriously.

I do take Imodium when travelling but even that doesn't stop it entirely. I try to prepare with spare clothes, wipes and so on. Its 100% in my head, I know this but I can't seem to stop it.

I also had a similar issue a few years back. Agree that doing the driving is one way to stop the anxiety. A lot of the time I find the issue is having too much time to think about your worries. Driving is great because you have to concentrate on the road and spend less time thinking about the what ifs. If you don't want to drive I recommend listening to a really good podcast, getting some singalong songs or getting a quiz game on your phone you can all play in the car. Just keep your mind active and not dwelling on thinking about needing the toilet. I think it also helps to just realise that hey, if you do need the toilet, here is where the available services are on route, look them up before hand and then you have more control over the situation. I also find splitting journeys into 15 minute portions makes them more manageable

DH has this same problem. He is managing it better than a couple of years ago, think he has developed a few coping mechanism that echo what PPs have said. E.g.. Imodium, anti-spasmodic medication, doing the driving and listening to podcasts. It doesn't eliminate the problem, but he can go for 2 hours usually without needing to go. He will still not go on a bus though, and takes diazepam if he needs to fly.

Ironically when I'm on a train or plane I'm ok as there are toilets on board. But I do get major anxiety about all of the queues at airports that you can't just nip out of, transfers, waiting at bus stops and train stations and not being able to pop to the loo in case it arrives - once again it's the feeling of not being able to go immediately that makes me need to go immediately!

I also struggle both with overactive bladder and a fear of speed /
Heights and small spaces which make both flying and travelling on the motorway difficult.

For the bladder issues if I'm travelling I wear a huge pad and dress in something like tunic and leggings so I have something covering my bum area and take spare pants / leggings. I make sure we stop regularly. In truth I've never had an actual accident it's just a worry.

For the travelling as another pp said I'm actually better when driving as I am more in control and can just sit in the slow lane.

For flying I always take a low diazepam dose. I think your GP is unsympathetic. Is there another GP at your practice you could speak to?

Just wanted to start this thread up again as we travel tomorrow and I am freaking out. Plans so far are to limit what I eat for the rest of the day and tomorrow morning. Not drink a lot in the morning. Take a few Imodium. Have a stash of wipes and other bits in my handbag (will have clothes in my luggage for the week anyway). Basically just try to distract myself with chat, breathing and counting down the miles to the next service station! This thread gave me some really good ideas and support so if anyone else has anything to add I'd love to hear from you. Really wish I wasn't this way :(

Name change fail by me there but oh well 😂

Hi op I have crohns so this is also a reality for me. I eat light the day before, and don’t eat before I travel, coupled with Imodium. Then just eat & drink when I get to my destination.
If you’re not driving try some distraction techniques, like games on your phone?

@Minky35 I tend to get a bit woozy if I read or look at my phone for too long while in the car. I'm hoping chatting with dc and dp will be enough. I'm really worried though, can't imagine how I'd cope if I had a bowel disorder too