To think his drinking is a concern.

[Worriedandsadaboutthis]

I met someone 6 months ago. He is such a wonderful man, he treats me really well, he’s funny, kind, intelligent. He has a very responsible job and does well. We have mutual friends in common, who all adore him. I want to be with him, he makes me so happy, but I am increasingly wondering whether his use of alcohol is a concern.

He doesn’t usually drink Monday - Thursday and he isn’t using alcohol when at work. But at weekends, he plays Rugby and will consistently drink a number of pints afterwards to the point that he’s a quite drunk. He’s lovely and respectful when drunk so I’ve not had an issue with it. However, on Sunday, he met friends at the club, they all had a ‘few’ pints and he drove home. I know people do that, but for me, it’s a definite no.

Am I overthinking it or does he have a problem with alcohol?

No he doesn't have a problem with alcohol he just enjoys it. Is the couple of pints and driving literally just 2 pints or is it more? I think most can get away under the limit with 1.5 pints but he shouldn't be driving on more than that.

However the fact he likes a few pints after the rugby on a weekend and then with his mates is normal.

Pints on a weekend= fine
Drink driving =fucking stupid

Rugby playing does have a drinking culture. Personally, I wouldn't have an issue with the post game pints, (to me, that's a social thing) especially if he's a ''happy drunk'' but the driving is an issue.

but can he change that part of himself?

Does he think he can change?

I don't think you need to break up with him about it, especially as you say the rest of the relationship is great.
I would talk to him about it again, pointing out the dangers and hopefully he'll decide not to do it again.

I do think he has a drink problem. My ex was like this. He'd be fine for a few days and then go out binge drinking with friends at the weekends (and sometimes during the week - happened quite a lot on Thursdays).
He would also drink drive.
At first I didn't want to break up with him as I loved him etcetc and though that by just talking about drink driving he would see reason and stop. He would "try" not to drink drive but just couldn't keep under the number of drinks allowed. He had a problem with controlling his alcohol consumption.
I gradually realized he didn't really care - I'm in another country and you don't automatically lose your licence the first time you are caught. He told me he wouldn't get caught and wouldn't lose his licence.
He didn't want anything to stop him having fun drinking with his mates.
If I said anything about it he'd say I was "controlling" and throw a strop.

Needless to say, we ended up splitting up despite the fact he was otherwise lovely. Everything revolved around his mates and his drinking. He has now been caught drink driving and not lost his licence but he is on probation. He told me that even this hadn't stopped him drink driving. What did stop him is when one of his mates ended up in hospital in a coma after being in a car crash with a drunk driver. Ex was nearly in that car but had decided to cycle home instead!

I think you have to see how your bloke reacts to the discussion you have had. If he drink drives again he should be out the door.
If I ever get in a relationship again I will end it immediately the first time I find out someone drink drives. I will also end it if the person's weekend consists of going out with mates every night and drinking. I don't need someone with me all the time - I have my own life too - but if the bloke is not prepared to make compromises and go out a little less often to spend time with you then the relationship has no future. It smacks of immaturity and what happens if you have a family with him in the future?

Time to do some serious thinking OP.

Thanks for the responses. I’m definitely going to talk to him again. He’s such a great person, I don’t want to walk away from him if I can avoid it

The weekend drinking doesn't seem excessive to me. It's the driving that is bad, how many does he have before he drinks? Is it over a few hours with food?

The weekend drinking goes hand in hand with rugby and socialising. Getting "quite" drunk doesnt indicate a problem to me - he isnt pissing your bed and being aggressive every Saturday is he?

If the drunk driving was a one off totally fucking moronic idiotic mistake and he seems sorry and never does it again I would forgive.

I don't think you need to break up with him about it, especially as you say the rest of the relationship is great.

Marmitepasta This is the excuse that gets trotted out time after time by women shackled to men with a drink problem.
“He is lovely except when he drinks”
The issue is that drink is their first priority, then becomes their only priority. There is currently a heart breaking thread on the go where the male partner’s drinking is taking over everything.

The drink driving would be a deal breaker for me BTW

He drove after 3 pints? Or was he under the legal limit? I don’t see drinking/getting drunk on the weekends as a big deal mumsnet hates alcohol and half a sherry at Christmas means your an alcoholic. I wouldn’t say it’s a problem but the drink driving is a massive no no. If you like him I’d say make it clear drink driving is a deal breaker.

The drink driving would be a cheerio matey.

What kind of utter arse drink drives?! Even after just one. Just totally irresponsible and not my kind of person at all. Instant dump from me.