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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who's being unreasonable?

39 replies

SummerFroots · 09/12/2019 19:01

My fiancé and I booked a destination wedding in the Caribbean for 2021. We paid for ourselves, both sets of parents and both our brothers/sisters and their kids. We checked they were all up for it before booking and they were. All booked and cost us an absolute fortune.

We 100% wanted our closest family there, hence why we paid for them, but for more distant family and friends we thought we'd invite them but have no expectations and explain that we knew it was a big ask. I know the mumsnet consensus is usually very anti destination weddings unless you're eloping but we thought this was a fair way of getting the wedding we wanted.

We were surprised by how many of our friends were up for it and theres now about 40 of us booked. It's a gorgeous resort and most people have decided to go for two weeks to get a holiday out of it.

I've had a response from my cousin however, absolutely furious. She's getting married next year and she's saying we're so selfish to book something like this knowing full well that she's got a massively expensive wedding next year and that she obviously wouldn't be able to attend. I apologised and said there was no hard feelings, we knew when booking most people wouldn't come and we understand completely and she replied saying "there's 40 bloody people but I have to miss out! It's just embarrassing that everyone will know I'm not there because I'm too poor to attend" I just replied saying I'm sorry and that no one will think anything of the sort. She text me again this morning saying seeing as we've paid for 'everyone else' will we pay for her, we've spent a fortune already and have five cousins and we can't afford to pay for all of them. We only paid for closest family, so I said that won't be possible and now she's even more raging at me.

AIBU? Or is she being a bit unfair? We aren't putting any pressure on her to attend if she can't afford it..

OP posts:
foamrolling · 09/12/2019 19:05

She sounds like an absolute arsehole. I think it's for the best she can't attend.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/12/2019 19:07

I wouldn't even bother responding. Not one word.

ThePants999 · 09/12/2019 19:08

YANBU at all, don't worry.

reindeersocks · 09/12/2019 19:08

She is UR although I can get why she's disappointed though. However it's not your problem without sounding mean - if you were expecting her to go then it wouldn't be fair^^ but you aren't.

Stick to your guns and don't pay for her!

nonevernotever · 09/12/2019 19:09

Yanbu at all!

Drum2018 · 09/12/2019 19:10

Tell her to fuck off. Would you honestly want her at the wedding - bloody drama queen. Ignore any further messages and for gods sake stop apologising to her.

Singlenotsingle · 09/12/2019 19:11

She just wants a free holiday. She's a CF. Just ignore her.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/12/2019 19:11

“Sorry you won’t be able to make it on our special day” end of! She’s got issues.

Iggleonkupsy · 09/12/2019 19:13

Yanbu! My cousin is getting married abroad next year (closer than the Caribbean! But still a week away) and I'm pretty sure they are just paying for them and their children. There was no obligation for anyone to attend but I wouldn't miss it for the world. I wont do another holiday and will save a bit for it but that's life. She is being unreasonable!

SummerFroots · 09/12/2019 19:13

Oh wow a unanimous yanbu! I was scared to post as I've seen a few people get annihilated on here for being selfish by having expensive destination weddings so was worried I'd been really unfair. I guess I'm just sensitive that it looks like we picked and choosed who to pay for but we had to draw the line somewhere. Thanks everyone

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 09/12/2019 19:15

Yanbu.
Ask her if she will cover your costs for attending her wedding😀.
No,seriously,she is being ridiculous op,try to put her ranting and wailing out of your mind..don't respond to her anymore ,this will ruin your anticipation of your amazing wedding.

Iloveacurry · 09/12/2019 19:17

Tell to fuck off. She sounds such a delight ... not.

MamaWeasel · 09/12/2019 19:18

Yanbu

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 09/12/2019 19:19

Yanbu at all. And destination weddings aren’t selfish (as long as there’s no expectation that anyone will attend!)

BeatriceTheBeast · 09/12/2019 19:19

Yanbu. She is being an U bumhole.

Autumntoowet · 09/12/2019 19:20

YANBU
Better off without her there!

misspiggy19 · 09/12/2019 19:20

She is being completely unreasonable. Under no circumstances pay for her.

Betterbegoing · 09/12/2019 19:20

What a tosser... her not you. Yanbu.

Lllot5 · 09/12/2019 19:21

Definitely not being unreasonable. I think you’ve done this just right, paid for the ones who you really want there and left it open to others.
Your cousin is deranged.

roiseandjim · 09/12/2019 19:22

Wow what an entitled bitch! Can I ask where in the Carribean? I just went to one in St Lucia and was amazed at how many people went!

CountYourRoosters · 09/12/2019 19:22

Wow she sounds absolutely ridiculous! I've been to a few 'destination' weddings, where obviously myself and everyone else paid for themselves.
I've also had to turn down a few other ones where I couldn't afford them at the time. The thought never crossed my mind to blame the couple for choosing to have a wedding where they want to have it. If anything, one or two were slightly put out that I couldn't drop everything and go, but never vice versa

TheTeethingPoo · 09/12/2019 19:22

Imagine being that much of a prick that you think a cousin should pay for you to attend their wedding because you’ve spent all your money on your own wedding.

OP when her invites come out, send her a message about how she should pay for your outfit to her wedding because you’d heard she’d paid for everyone else’s Wink

But just ignore her now, you’ve been clear enough.

MummytoCSJH · 09/12/2019 19:24

I think it's pretty clear YANBU Grin

Butchyrestingface · 09/12/2019 19:25

Do you think she's started early on the Christmas sherry?

Pixilicious · 09/12/2019 19:25

I’d tell her to duck right off, cheeky cow.

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