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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who's being unreasonable?

39 replies

SummerFroots · 09/12/2019 19:01

My fiancé and I booked a destination wedding in the Caribbean for 2021. We paid for ourselves, both sets of parents and both our brothers/sisters and their kids. We checked they were all up for it before booking and they were. All booked and cost us an absolute fortune.

We 100% wanted our closest family there, hence why we paid for them, but for more distant family and friends we thought we'd invite them but have no expectations and explain that we knew it was a big ask. I know the mumsnet consensus is usually very anti destination weddings unless you're eloping but we thought this was a fair way of getting the wedding we wanted.

We were surprised by how many of our friends were up for it and theres now about 40 of us booked. It's a gorgeous resort and most people have decided to go for two weeks to get a holiday out of it.

I've had a response from my cousin however, absolutely furious. She's getting married next year and she's saying we're so selfish to book something like this knowing full well that she's got a massively expensive wedding next year and that she obviously wouldn't be able to attend. I apologised and said there was no hard feelings, we knew when booking most people wouldn't come and we understand completely and she replied saying "there's 40 bloody people but I have to miss out! It's just embarrassing that everyone will know I'm not there because I'm too poor to attend" I just replied saying I'm sorry and that no one will think anything of the sort. She text me again this morning saying seeing as we've paid for 'everyone else' will we pay for her, we've spent a fortune already and have five cousins and we can't afford to pay for all of them. We only paid for closest family, so I said that won't be possible and now she's even more raging at me.

AIBU? Or is she being a bit unfair? We aren't putting any pressure on her to attend if she can't afford it..

OP posts:
Pixilicious · 09/12/2019 19:25

fuck!!!

coconuttelegraph · 09/12/2019 19:27

It's just embarrassing that everyone will know I'm not there because I'm too poor to attend

What kind of circles does she move in that being unable to afford to attend a Caribbean wedding when you have your own wedding coming up is a source if embarassment. Don't pay for her what ever you do

Wheelerdeeler · 09/12/2019 19:28

Who books and pays for a holiday 2 years away?

Sexnotgender · 09/12/2019 19:29

She’s a loon! Ignore her, YANBU at all.

allthesharks · 09/12/2019 19:30

She is being massively unreasonable and completely ridiculous.

As her reason for not being able to afford it is because she's got a wedding to pay for, you'd think she'd understand that you also have a lot of expenses right now that do not include paying for a holiday for her.

user1471449295 · 09/12/2019 19:34

She’s a CF!! Enjoy your wedding. It’s very generous of you to pay for your close family. She can fuck off

Morgan12 · 09/12/2019 19:34

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

SummerFroots · 09/12/2019 19:35

@Wheelerdeeler It's Jan 2021 so only just over a year away

OP posts:
Iggleonkupsy · 09/12/2019 19:36

Who books and pays for a holiday 2 years away?
wheeler incredibly common to book that far in advance. Especially for a wedding! She could have paid the deposits so far.

LucyAutumn · 09/12/2019 19:37

Wow, she's being massively unreasonable and incredibly silly. This was me a few years ago but I was your cousin and I was fine about not going to my cousins wedding, tbh I felt a bit bad but he completely understood. That's a normal reaction.

CalmdownJanet · 09/12/2019 19:44

Just say "No I absolutely will not pay for you. I paid for those closest to come, everyone else was a bonus, I am not paying for you. You say you will be embarrassed you couldn't go but ironically your behaviour now is embarrassing. That's the last I'll say on this, it's not up for discussion"

She is one cheeky fucker

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 09/12/2019 19:54

You've been very generous to pay for your siblings and their children, IMO. That's enough. Your cousin is just hoping that you will pay to make her shut up.

Elieza · 09/12/2019 21:38

What she chooses to spend her money on is her business. What you choose to spend your money on is your business.

Shame she doesn’t think she can afford to come but I’m sure others felt that too so she won’t be the only one who won’t be able to afford to come. Unless she makes a few changes to her own wedding to save money. That’s life. Full of choices. Don’t feel bad for her and don’t pay for her. That will set a precedent for the other cousins.

which1 · 09/12/2019 22:17

Don't text back something rude unless you want to create a rift.

Just say you're not in an appropriate financial position to pay for her but that you're happy to help her try and find the cheapest hotels , accommodation, flights...

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