I've been left out again

[thatguiltyfeeling]

I'm almost certainly BU.
I started a new job this year, three months pregnant. Straight away my supervisor was off with me, kept trying to get me to bring my maternity leave earlier, found lots of ways to say general comments to the team about improvement but always direct them at me, etc. Everyone else was lovely though and I worked for as long as I could before being advised to stop working.
I went back to work after five months when baby was just under four months old and everything seemed to have improved. Supervisor is lovely, everyone seems happier etc.
But then a couple of weeks ago I found out I was left out of the secret santa, which would have been drawn after I went back to work. Then last night I was scrolling on Facebook and saw there was the staff Christmas party and I hadn't been invited. I could have dealt with both these things in isolation, but hurtful to be left out but saving money so oh well. But then I saw the other lady on maternity leave, who went on leave a couple of months into the year and hasn't returned yet (within her rights but to show she isn't even working there at the minute and barely has this year) was invited.
I feel so hurt to have been left out and everybody spoke about the secret Santa thing in front of me, actually including me in the conversation knowing I wasn't involved.
Aibu to be so hurt by this? I was already having doubts about this job as it's with children and since having my own I don't believe I'm good enough but now I just want to hand in my notice and never return.

SMP - paid by employer. can’t be pregnant before starting, need to earn a minimum amount per week during qualifying weeks.

MA - claim from DWP. need to have earned a minimum amount during 26 of previous 66.

OP says they started in January and went on Mat leave in May. There aren’t 26 weeks there.

I had to stop working at around 32 weeks I think it was as I had spd and was in tears trying to walk to work every morning and home and could barely look after the children (all happened very suddenly). Two weeks later I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and then was going to hospital every day for monitoring so it worked out well in terms of health.

Honestly, if you can afford not to go in and you don't need the reference, I'd just not show in. Let her ring you, then you can tell her exactly what you think of her and her little pathetic power play. Let them all be screwed for a few weeks. Let them have to work overtime before Christmas.

They're all as bad as each other. Yes, one might have been the ring leader but everyone played along and no one thought to say 'hey, this isn't right'.

OP, fuck them. Get out of that horrible atmosphere and go have a wonderful extended Christmas with your baby. Have a look for new work in the New Year and start afresh. Hope you're okay (I've been where you have- was bullied relentlessly by a manager and left because of him, but leaving with minimum notice was the best thing I ever did!)

Oh wow. Just looked at maternity allowance and it looks like I was entitled !! Can I claim as back payments, and if I've gone back for a month then left again will that affect any future payments?

I've ordered the form, worst that can happen is they say I'm not eligible any more because I went back to work 🤷‍♀️

Practice in front of a mirror

Use the i language
I was very upset that you didn’t include me in any of the Christmas events and why I never received a birthday present despite me contributing to everyone else’s

Rather than torture myself as to why this has happened I thought I’d give you all chance to explain.

I’ve never heard of anyone being able to claim after they’ve returned to work. 😬

It's big girl pants time now OP.
You either need to go in and say that, before you agree to come back, you want to know why you have been deliberately and knowingly discriminated against. Use the example of the other staff member being invited during her leave but not you.
Say that you were more than professional and they clearly haven't been.
Sod the whole if you whistle blow she will know it's you- good. She has treated you like shit at a vulnerable time so it doesn't feel to me that it could get worse, she can't exclude you twice for the same event.
You must stand up for yourself, as you've said, you've not been there long enough for the safety net of rules and laws to help you.
Show you can't be walked over. You're there to work, not to be mates, and they've shown that by being so deliberately dismissive of you this far.

Balls. Might make an appointment with the CAB and see what they say. I've been claiming universal credit because I was always told I couldn't get any maternity pay, so it's not like I've really missed out, but we need to get a moped for my partner and if I had been entitled to anything more and get it we'd use it towards that, then he can work more hours and we'd be comfortable rather than being able to pay for everything but worrying a little every month just in case.

Tomorrow I'm definitely wearing my big girl pants. I've refused to let family walk all over me and so why should I let colleagues do the same

Don’t think you are eligible to claim any more, OP.

Oh well, I'll still put a claim in as I've ordered the form now, but I won't get my hopes up. Bit annoyed I didn't know about this but at least I do if there's ever a next time 🙂

Did the letter from your employer stating that they couldn’t pay you SMP not tell you you may be eligible for MA?

I don't think I got a letter. They just asked for my form thing and that was it? I was only ever told I wasn't entitled verbally

Do you have your MATB1?

They still have it. This is a royal mess up isn't it?

Yep. You need the MATB1 for your MA form.

What a bunch of selfish people. I don't work anymore but I did in the most bitchy pharmacy once. I know how it feels to be on the end of feeling pushed out and not part of things. I don't know the reasons behind it but it's unprofessional and unkind.

Is there anyone who works there you chat to? You could say I'm surprised I've not been asked to take part in secret Santa as Sarah on maternity leave has been included. Also say is there a Christmas party this year as I'm yet to be invited?

I hate bitchy people. I'd be nice to you and want to hear all about your new arrival. I certainly wouldn't be pushing you out

I'll ask for that back tomorrow then.
I've worked in bitchy places before, and I've felt myself getting worse if I spent more time with certain people as I started to become like them.
Since coming back to work everyone's been really nice to my face, always asking about the baby, and even my partner with his new job. Stings more when they're nice to my face but horrible behind my back I think. I might just go in with a really big smile, ask how the staff party was, and then drop in I was surprised x was invited when she's on maternity leave but I wasn't when I'm not anymore and wasn't at the time the meal and secret Santa was organised. Make them all squirm a little and feel bad, which I know is nasty but if they think about their actions next time at least maybe somebody else won't end up feeling sad. Then when I hand in my notice I'll talk about everything with the manager, and make it clear how bad it's been for me

You sound quite overwhelmed at the moment , is there a possibility you have post natal depression? It might be worth talking to your doctor. flowers

I think I would be depressed in the OP's