I've been left out again

[thatguiltyfeeling]

I'm almost certainly BU.
I started a new job this year, three months pregnant. Straight away my supervisor was off with me, kept trying to get me to bring my maternity leave earlier, found lots of ways to say general comments to the team about improvement but always direct them at me, etc. Everyone else was lovely though and I worked for as long as I could before being advised to stop working.
I went back to work after five months when baby was just under four months old and everything seemed to have improved. Supervisor is lovely, everyone seems happier etc.
But then a couple of weeks ago I found out I was left out of the secret santa, which would have been drawn after I went back to work. Then last night I was scrolling on Facebook and saw there was the staff Christmas party and I hadn't been invited. I could have dealt with both these things in isolation, but hurtful to be left out but saving money so oh well. But then I saw the other lady on maternity leave, who went on leave a couple of months into the year and hasn't returned yet (within her rights but to show she isn't even working there at the minute and barely has this year) was invited.
I feel so hurt to have been left out and everybody spoke about the secret Santa thing in front of me, actually including me in the conversation knowing I wasn't involved.
Aibu to be so hurt by this? I was already having doubts about this job as it's with children and since having my own I don't believe I'm good enough but now I just want to hand in my notice and never return.

I'm definitely bank staff, my contract is for a bank member of staff, which specifies it's zero hours so I can't expect to have any work each work.
I've been on a nursery assistant zero hours contract before and it was very different

And there's one other lady on this contract

That's awful. I understand how you feel. Not being invited to the christmas party while on maternity leave, happened to me too. I too saw the pics on facebook! It made me cry too. Also I didn't get a 30th christmas present until I queried why everyone contributes and receives presents, except me?! When I said that, I got a house plant delivered to my home a few days later. It was werid. I agree with you, it is bullying as they are leaving you out. If i were you, I'd look for another job. There are nicer places to work.

I think you are right to feel hurt but I wouldn’t blame the whole team. Most of them probably didn’t realise you had been left out of Secret Santa. They would probably only have been given the name of the person they were buying for, not all the participants. The organiser should have included you but that’s one person at fault, not a whole team. Leaving you out of the Christmas party was wrong too but again that’s probably down to one organiser, not the whole team.

Whether you leave or not is another matter. If you can now afford to be a SAHM I’d seize the opportunity - it’s a massive privilege to be able to do it and you can always return to work later if you want to.

You sound quite overwhelmed at the moment , is there a possibility you have post natal depression? It might be worth talking to your doctor.

So you've only recently returned to work, been back only a few weeks after doing bank work there for a few months? It doesn't sound as if you know the staff very well, OP. I don't think they should have left you out but your contract is quite specifically worded to ensure you come under the 'worker' heading rather than 'employee' by the sound of it.

for you op.
So sorry you are having to go through this bullying especially with a tiny baby.
Have a think about what you want from this,i.e. Just walk away and concentrate on your future of stay and fight for your rights and then plan how to achieve your goal.
Don't let them get you down.good luck.🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

I'm so sorry you've been through the same! I hate being left out at the best of times but when I've actually contributed to other people then nobody done the same for me it's such a kick in the teeth!
At my last workplace we didn't do all these collections etc the manager just bought a card we'd all sign it and that's it. If the staff member wanted to celebrate with any of us they'd invite us out. Christmas party everyone was invited, same as the ball type thing the directors threw (two large nurseries and they'd encourage us to mix as much as possible) including partners.
My partners work do was Friday, he started two weeks ago yet I was invited to that one as well as him which was lovely (we didn't go as no babysitter and he didn't fancy going alone) but it shows the difference. And he actually enjoys the job because the staff are nice, whereas I usually love my job but because I'm with staff like this I dread going in

From January until mid-May I worked every single day. I spent more time with these people than my own family and friends. And they all over share so I've learnt a lot about them 😬😬
From mid-October until now I've worked one or two days a week, last week I didn't work at all.
Stupid question but what's the difference between worker and employee?

www.gov.uk/employment-status

Most of them probably didn’t realise you had been left out of Secret Santa...Leaving you out of the Christmas party was wrong too but again that’s probably down to one organiser, not the whole team.

I agree with this. You seems to have concluded that everyone has left you out, but it may not be like that at all. There is, for example, a Christmas party where I work but no-one is invited to it
per se

• it just sort of happens and you can go or not go, as you see fit.

It does sound like there's issues re Xmas party, though I agree with PP that they perhaps don't feel like you're part of the team yet. You only did 4 months and May was a long time ago, then a couple of days for the last six weeks. However chatty they are, that mightn't mean you're in the frame for birthday celebrations and secret Santa. Ideally you would be if they were kind and thoughtful but it may take longer to really bed in and become part of the team there. If that's what you want. It sounds like you might not, although it is only two days a week and whether you enjoy the work with the children seems more the point than the Christmas party.

Leaving someone out of a whole team event is bullying/ discrimination and most companies have policies about this and your manager should be facing a disciplinary.

Everybody definitely knew I wasn't included or invited. Absolutely the organisers fault but still a bit crap everybody else knew.
It also sounds like I'm a worker not an employee which is a bit surprising as despite some main differences on my side of things ie I can leave without notice I never knew about the difference in their obligations.
My partner and I were discussing all of this last night, as I had been talking about leaving anyway but my mental health suffers if I'm not doing something away from the baby for myself so we were trying to come up with an action plan. We decided I either apply for evening work or I start an open University course and I found one I quite liked but got nervous and didn't apply. I'm going to apply now, and hand in my notice tomorrow. It doesn't matter who left me out, who made me feel like I should go on maternity leave earlier, or anything else but it does matter that it happened and it's caused me to feel this way. I am very prone to depression, and did get PND for a few months, only just recovering in the last month really and I don't want to take a step back from that by continuing to go into a place where I'm not happy or comfortable.

Leaving someone out of a whole team event is bullying/ discrimination and most companies have policies about this and your manager should be facing a disciplinary

As a senior HR professional of over 15 years, I can assert that this is not true.

When you're on maternity leave you're also employed and should be invited to all work events - that's the legal position so it doesnt matter you were out of the office for a long time

Also maybe one individual did accidentally leave you out, however, a managers job is to make sure everyone is included

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Totally agree with this.

Go in and let them know how they have made you feel and ask them why? I guarantee they will be shocked when you stand up for yourself as they have got away with being awful for so long!!

Like previous post says...whats the worst that can happen?

OP if your DH’s finances are such now that you could afford not work for a bit I’d resign and spend quality time with your baby. These people are not worth your time.

You would have been entitled to SMP regardless of only starting in January. I know this, as I started a new job and became pregnant. I wasn’t entitled to full maternity as l hadn’t worked long enough, but was entitled to SMP . I would phone a union or CAB, as what they have done may not have even been legal.

Good for you and your supportive partner.

Enjoy the moment, don't be too polite.

And best of luck with the course

I agree it's only two days a week, and if it was any other job like shop work I'd suck it up and carry on. But I genuinely believe that I'm not helping the children to develop through activities, and I'm just going through the motions in a way. I keep them safe, I play with them, I do story and song time, I give them their food, but there's no real depth to my work. I might not be as recovered from the depression as I thought, it could be the environment that isn't motivating me, but I need to get out of there.
Thank you everyone! Will definitely be raising with my manager, and will be handing in my notice. Very excited to start doing a course that really interests me and leaves the door open for lots of opportunities, my current qualifications mean I'm suited to shop work or nursery work so I do feel a little stuck as I currently do both but this course will open the door for teaching, health and social care (I started a course to lead into midwifery last year but had to leave because of mental health so maybe this time will be better!) and lots of other avenues! And because it'll be a couple of years I can spend my time with the little one whilst she needs it, and once she's in school I can either find a job or carry on with my studies or maybe even both!

You would have been entitled to SMP regardless of only starting in January. I know this, as I started a new job and became pregnant.

You’re wrong. The OP was already pregnant. If you start a new job already pregnant you are not able to meet the eligibility criteria for SMP.

(Why do people assert stuff they clearly don’t understand?)

This is what the gov.uk website says about smp so I don't think they have messed up there?

Ah cross posted. I think if I'd been working somewhere else beforehand I would have been entitled but my life was a little crazy last year

Err @Need no need for the sarcasm or rudeness.

Op, apologies as l was incorrect, but it sounds like you have plans in place (so try and look at it that they have done you a favour 😊).

Surely you'd have qualified for maternity allowance? If you started just after your scan, then you should have been able to work the 26 weeks before your due date. Or did you stop working before the baby was born?