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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell my parents about all the times I lied to them as a teenager?

104 replies

Laraloodoo · 08/12/2019 22:14

I had lunch with my parents today and had to fight the urge, again, to tell them about all the stuff I got up to as a teenager that they don’t know about. It’s not anything crazy- usual teen things such as Katie not having given me about 20 items of clothing in a month but that I went through a shoplifting phase, or how I spent half my girly, pamper sleepover nights at 17 raving in a field in hot pants and chewing my face off on E. I just can’t decide whether they’d find it funny or would be upset. Have you all come clean to your parents?

OP posts:
dayswithaY · 09/12/2019 07:37

Lots of judging on here! Some teenagers do take drugs, some steal. There's no need to shame OP for past behaviour that she clearly now knows was wrong.

But don't tell your parents, OP.

lowlandLucky · 09/12/2019 07:50

Just because you feel guilty doesnt mean you should burden them, deal with you guilt another way

Butchyrestingface · 09/12/2019 07:57

Your wish to confess suggests you remain as immature as you were in your shoplifting and drug taking teens.

That. And attention seeking.

Mamabear144 · 09/12/2019 07:59

I've told my mam about all of the times she thought I was having Smirnoff ice but it was actually mixed with vodka and all of the stuff I got up to in school, I wasn't that bad of a teenager but I still told her, she just laughed

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 09/12/2019 08:00

My parents did loads of drugs before I was born in the sixties and seventies. I did drugs (pills) at uni but have never told them as they were so strict and always had the impression I was a nerdy bookworm and I don't want to spoil that illusion! Even though it would be hypocritical for them to be angry.

HeronLanyon · 09/12/2019 08:02

Let some of it lie (Grin)
I told my old ma some things over the years which we laughed about. There was something I told her (I think shoplifting (a chewing gum- I still remember- related?) which she definitely did not want to have heard. Much frowning followed.

Goldenchildsmum · 09/12/2019 08:04

Don't say anything. Why dump your crap on them? How would that help anyone apart from (perhaps) you. Stop being selfish

needsomehelptoday · 09/12/2019 08:07

I really don't think your parents will find the fact that you shoplifted and took drugs funny tbh.

YouJustDoYou · 09/12/2019 08:07

Stealing and drugs, hilarious.

vivacian · 09/12/2019 08:16

The thing with shoplifting is the impact it has on shop workers who have to stay late trying to reconcile the books or find missing stock. Or the shop workers who have suspicions thrown st them because it only happens on their shift or since they started. And of course the cost of your theft is ultimately passed on to the rest of us.

HoppingPavlova · 09/12/2019 08:42

Don’t tell your parents. What good would it achieve. I doubt they’d find any of what you said funny but would be horrified. Leave them be.

Thatagain · 09/12/2019 10:12

Fromantic the experience I've had with myself and my teenage children that have left home now. You may be surprised to find out that your perents already know. There's not much I don't know about what my dcs did. They did all the things like yourself and I know not that we would talk about it as the conversation would go sour. I know my DD and ds×2 has done all night partying on coke weed alcohol and and the Es. I think they would be imbarrassed to know that I know. They will always be my little angel's and wouldn't ever do anything like that. We keep it at that.

Original poster
Laraloodoo · 09/12/2019 16:52

Why all the judgy comments about something that I did years ago and was not out of the ordinary?

OP posts:
HotWaterBottleAndABottleOfWine · 09/12/2019 16:57

I really wouldn't (unless you think they have also been through shoplifting E munching days?)

LochJessMonster · 09/12/2019 16:59

and was not out of the ordinary? Because it is out of the ordinary. Never shoplifted or did drugs as a teen, and neither did any of the people my age that I know.

You sound like you are just attention seeking and want to hurt your parents.

Not coming across as a pleasant person at all.

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 09/12/2019 17:00

@Laraloodoo maybe because you completely lack awareness that these are certainly not things every teen did and are in anyway normal and should not be viewed as acceptable behavior.

PBo83 · 09/12/2019 17:07

I think you would be unreasonable:

  1. They probably already know half the stuff you did.

  2. The stuff they didn't know you would only be telling them to clear your own conscience which would be selfish. Besides, although retrospectively, it would seem like you were criticising their parenting (i.e. "Look what I managed to get passed you).

Don't do it.

nestisflown · 09/12/2019 17:11

Reading some of these replies, I feel like I missed out as a teenager. I was such a good obedient teen, the type that when my parents told other parents that their teenager never lied, it was the truth. I was more likely to be at saturday night bible study than partying. I now realise I was a brainwashed people pleaser, and when I started living life for myself age 26 (wild things such as losing my virginity to my long term boyfriend who I later married) I was vilified and ostracized and compared to my sister who my parents to this day believe was a virgin on her wedding day Hmm. On days when my parents bring up what a good daughter she is in comparison to my "wild" mid 20s (I.e. losing my virginity), it's all I can do to stop myself from telling them that she lost her virginity in school but was a much better liar than I am. But I'm not sure what that would achieve. It would feel good in the moment to make them aware that they are not as great parents as they believe themselves to be. But as well as betraying my sister, long term it would be hurtful to them.

In short, if your parents are happy in their ignorance, let them remain there. You sound like you had fun in your teens and were one of the lucky ones who managed to stay safe despite your wild behaviour - those stories you can laugh with your friends about...leave your parents out of it.

heartsonacake · 09/12/2019 17:11

and was not out of the ordinary?

Because they were out of the ordinary, OP.

None of the things you did were normal. You only think they were because you had screwed up teenage years.

Original poster
Laraloodoo · 09/12/2019 17:11

lochjessmonster just as you view it as out of the ordinary because no one around you was doing it, I view it as normal as most of my peers were doing these things

OP posts:
nestisflown · 09/12/2019 17:13

OP not sure why you're getting so much stick. Normal is subjective and your behaviour as a teen was normal in your social circles.

FirstInGinglish · 09/12/2019 17:17

Agree with all those who say a) it's not normal to do those things as a teenager; and b) you could only make your parents feel really crap by telling them.

I, like PP, have older children and they know that I am not their best friend and that, as a result, they don't need to tell me the sorts of things they would tell their best friends.

and if they do, I might pay them back by telling them in great detail about giving my DP a blow job

Panpastels · 09/12/2019 17:25

Lol at all the posters saying it's unusual because their crowd wasn't doing it!
Drug taking is quite common in teenagers and always has been. Shoplifting is hardly unheard of in this age group either.
I wouldn't tell them though, there's no way my mother would want to hear about what I got up to and it was many years ago now!

Charley50 · 09/12/2019 17:28

I'm with you OP.. they were ordinary round my way, especially raving and drugs, I was 18 in 1988, the summer of love. yes I know, the 2nd one

Me and my friends were also prolific shoplifters (a bit more of a niche activity I think). I realised it was wrong, and grew out of it, when I was about 17, but at the time it was a buzz, and I had no money for clothes ( I did have a Saturday job but the wages went on drugs and clubbing Grin).
I also lost my virginity at home in the afternoon while bunking off school 😳.

On a more serious note; adolescence is a time of taking risks, biology makes it so. That's why many teens are impulsive and do risky things.

FishCanFly · 09/12/2019 18:05

Why would you tell that? What good would it do?

  1. They probably know/expect anyway.
  2. They will be not amused, may actually be upset.

You're an adult now. Act like one.

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