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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift for coaches from all children or only those who contributed?

50 replies

Tweedledeedumb · 08/12/2019 18:26

Local club and we are doing a whip around for coaches gifts.

Half of parents have put in £10-£20 (there was no suggested amount or figure but club is very cheap compared to others and I think most parents recognise this and want to thank coaches.

Some parents actively avoided (fine it's an expensive time of year, a couple who have issues with one coach or another (and why they dont just leave is beyond me) have vocally refused even without being asked. (We are not chasing for money)

We have collected from around half parents. Children are 11/12 years.

So question. Should gift be from all or not?

I know what I think but I have a different view from others in the group so would like your input.

OP posts:
Shoeshow · 08/12/2019 18:27

I would get all those who contributed to sign a card.

Original poster
Tweedledeedumb · 08/12/2019 18:27

Sorry AIBU to only have families that paid sign the card that indicates who the gift is collectively from?

OP posts:
RhymingRabbit3 · 08/12/2019 18:27

I would just write the card "dear coach, merry christmas from the football team" or whatever team. Much easier than putting individual kids names and realistically the coach will just skim it anyway

Amys136 · 08/12/2019 18:27

All the children. It’s not the child’s choice to contribute or not so I think it should come from all of them

DecemberSnow · 08/12/2019 18:28

All that gave money sign the card. Or you write the childs name in it. Yes

Amys136 · 08/12/2019 18:28

Also do you want the hassle of chasing the parents or kids to sign the card? What if you miss someone that has contributed?

Aragog · 08/12/2019 18:28

If the gift is from the children I would just say from them all. It seems a shame to leave out the other children just because their parents are unable, can't or won't contribute.

ringletsandtwiglets · 08/12/2019 18:28

I think you/ the organiser should get a card to go with the gift, and the parents who contributed can sign their own names.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 08/12/2019 18:29

Hmmmmmm. It’s just on the edge for me. If it was less than half I would have it just from those who contributed. If it was the vast majority I would say it’s from everyone. As about half, I could go either way!

Lifeinaplasticbox · 08/12/2019 18:30

Just sign the card from the team, not individual names. Anything else is petty.

Shoeshow · 08/12/2019 18:31

@Aragog the Coach will know it’s not the children though. It’s not really leaving the children out.

CherryPavlova · 08/12/2019 18:33

Definitely from the team. It might be hurtful for the coach to think not everyone donated. Better to keep it vague.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/12/2019 18:40

Those that contributed sign the card, unfair on those who have given to include those that didn’t.

pinkstripeycat · 08/12/2019 18:41

What Shoeshow said

DeathStare · 08/12/2019 18:43

From the team.

The idea of excluding kids whose parents may not be able to afford to pay is abhorrent and stigmatising

LoonyLunaLoo · 08/12/2019 18:44

If people are actively moaning about it, I’d just sign from those that have contributed.

Thehop · 08/12/2019 18:45

Just those who paid sign

bridgetreilly · 08/12/2019 18:45

It just gets signed 'Thank you from all of us', without listing any names.

Lifeinaplasticbox · 08/12/2019 18:47

I think it speaks volumes about the people only wanting to put the people who paid to sign the card. Yes it might be fair but it doesn’t sit right with me deliberately showing that some children haven’t contributed. Glory hunting.wanting recognition for a good deed.
The kindest thing would be to put it from the team.

Bellevu · 08/12/2019 18:50

Buy a card and sign it from all that gave money.

coconuttelegraph · 08/12/2019 18:51

The idea of excluding kids whose parents may not be able to afford to pay is abhorrent and stigmatising

That's going a little OTT imo, it's only a kid's sport club

I dont think there's an ideal solution, I know it's not the players fault but equally the coach feeling thankful and positive towards parents who don't like him doesn't sit well with me. I'd try to think of something else for next year if it was me

Lifeinaplasticbox · 08/12/2019 18:58

equally the coach feeling thankful and positive towards parents
Yes, better to let them know who didn’t pay so he can feel negative towards them

DeathStare · 08/12/2019 19:19

The idea of excluding kids whose parents may not be able to afford to pay is abhorrent and stigmatising

That's going a little OTT imo, it's only a kid's sport club

Say that to the kids whose parents cannot afford to contribute (or who refuse to contribute) and then get the other kids saying "why isn't your name on the card? "why didn't you pay?" " do you not like the coach" "you're so tight you should have paid for the coach's present" And yes it will happen. The kids will see the card and at that age they will say that. i'm involved in kids' clubs and when the parents who paid (or the kids who paid) sign the card this ALWAYS ALWAYS happens at that sort of age. Even though everyone always thinks it won't happen in their nice little club.

the coach feeling thankful and positive towards parents who don't like him doesn't sit well with me
What about the parents who would like to pay but can't? What about if the coach thinks the kids don't like him/her when actually it's the parents? Would it better for the coach to get the feelings of self-doubt that could come from knowing people haven't contributed? Surely it's better for the coach to not know who or how many people have contributed and just to feel positive towards the team as a whole.

coconuttelegraph · 08/12/2019 19:38

Say that to the kids whose parents cannot afford to contribute (or who refuse to contribute) and then get the other kids saying "why isn't your name on the card? "why didn't you pay?" " do you not like the coach" "you're so tight you should have paid for the coach's present" And yes it will happen

All I can say to that is that you clearly have a very different experience to mine, my DC have been members of many sports clubs over the years, they have never shown the slighest interest in presents for the coaches and I don't remember a single occassion when a coach showed anyone a card they'd been given and I've never heard one conversation amongst the children about presents for the coaches.

The sort of 11 year olds I've come across must be of a very different type.

june2007 · 08/12/2019 19:43

At work we have a whip around for birthday gifts. Soemtimes people don,t contribute. We don,t make a thing out of it.

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