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AIBU?

To think mumsnet has the most judgmental mothers than any forum

42 replies

Hereforhelp · 08/12/2019 12:06

The irony is, what’s supposed to be a forum for support is actually delivering, in most cases, the complete opposite. I love mumsnet, but I gotta be honest, It could get vile pretty quickly. There I said it... AIBU to think so?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

140 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
42%
You are NOT being unreasonable
58%
RedskyToNight · 08/12/2019 12:11

do you tend to hang around on AIBU? I have to admit that does get nasty sometimes - but I tend to only post on here when I want people to give me straight answers. I actually find most of the site incredibly supportive.

As for more judgemental mothers, I think people are just more honest than on other forums. I have no time for the "oh you're trying your best hun, don't worry" type posts on some other parenting forums when the poster is clearly selfish and neglecting their children.

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Livelovebehappy · 08/12/2019 12:15

Mine are grown late teen and early 20s but tbh I see things on here that seem entirely okay in my eyes, but then I see a ‘pile on’ by others and feel a bit Shock as I may have done similar when mine were younger and can’t see the problem. I reckon lots of good advice on here though for a lot of mums who lack confidence or knowledge - you just have to pick through all the comments and remember that parenting is pretty much a learning curve - there’s no right or wrong way as long as you have reasonably well adjusted DCs at the end of it.

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reginafelangee · 08/12/2019 12:23

I used to be in Netmums. It was a gazillion times more judgemental

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Pilipilihoho · 08/12/2019 12:24

Isn't there another thread about this on the go right now?

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Biancadelrioisback · 08/12/2019 12:31

How many times will this type of thread appear? We must be on at least one every couple of weeks now?

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IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 08/12/2019 12:33

There are other forums.

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ThebishopofBanterbury · 08/12/2019 12:39

I think you're mistaken op, it's just people have become more judgemental in general, not just in this forum.

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MustardScreams · 08/12/2019 12:44

I’ve had some of the best support of my life on MN. Wouldn’t have left dd’s dad without it.

If you read AIBU a lot then yes it is cutthroat. But venture onto other boards and you’ll see it’s not like that everywhere.

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GunpowderGelatine · 08/12/2019 12:47

Who says it's a forum for support? It's a forum for discussion. Which is why there's discussion "rooms" from IVF to gardening to books. I hate that anything seen as being to do with mums must mean lovely mumsy support and holding of hands. Heaven forbid someone disagree with you!

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ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 08/12/2019 12:49

It’s not compulsory, you know.

Log out, be free of Mumsnet judgement, spread your wings and fly, fly, fly away.

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Nousernameforme · 08/12/2019 12:50

Trouble is not judging and just saying yor kidz yor roolze hun is not fucking helpful.

On here people aren't afraid of telling you the truth. Some will be way to harsh with it some will pile on just to stick an oar in. You have to ignore the bile to get to the good advice.

I have seen people front for someone else's shopping. Be last minute witnesses at a wedding. Someone once took a spare pair of trousers to a poster who shit themselves in kings cross station. ( turned out to be a troll but mumsnetters still helped)

Hell look at the wooly hugs threads to see the good done on here.

Do not say this place isn't supportive just because they dont blow smoke up people's arses

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Obligatorync · 08/12/2019 12:51

The most of or more than.
That judgemental enough for ya?

Actually, you are probably right, but if you want straight talking useful advice, rather than platitudes, and you can learn to give as good as you get, it's the place to be.

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Gone2far · 08/12/2019 12:53

1- Not ANOTHER one of these threads.
2 - MN is a wonderful, supportive, place, and has helped me many times.
BECAUSE
I'm not so stupid as to think that going on AIBU will give me support.
3-Don't go on AIBU if you don't like being challenged.

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SolitaryGrape · 08/12/2019 12:54

It’s a chat forum. There are way more areas dealing with pets or books or politics or TV or DIY than with parenting. And there’s no law to suggest that parenting is some kind of warm and fuzzy bond, either. If you’re not used to encountering different opinions, you might be better off on a different type of forum.

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Sherrybabyy · 08/12/2019 12:55

I think generally YANBU but there’s often threads that really restores faith in this site. Sometimes it provides the support that people need during hard times that people wouldn’t get elsewhere. Or if people can’t speak out to people they know, they can come here and be supported

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hobnobsaremyfavourite · 08/12/2019 13:22

Ye gods can we have a section set up specifically for whining

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ChevalierTialys · 08/12/2019 15:03

AIBU does not represent the whole of Mumsnet. Check other boards. Some pretty great people on here actually.

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OrangeZog · 08/12/2019 15:14

That in itself is a very judgemental assumption to make.

I’ve met some wonderful life long friends through this site.

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EtInTerraPax · 08/12/2019 15:16

Because it's not filled with fawning sycophants?

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Honeybee85 · 08/12/2019 15:22

AIBU can be brutal.

Some people on MN are nasty and project their issues on others, just like in real life, some people enjoy being abusive to others to make themselves feel better. Unfortunately these kind of people exist.

But I have seen and received a lot of lovely support from posters here. Esspecially when someone is in an abusive relationship, MNers sjoe their caring side and give useful advice and support. Some posters get tough love but mostly it’s a neccesairy measure to give those who need it a wake up call.

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Honeybee85 · 08/12/2019 15:22
  • show their caring side
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ChristmasCroissant · 08/12/2019 15:23

I never expect everyone to agree with an opinion, it is true that people feel more able to express themselves on a screen than in real life - but their opinions are the same whether it's something you are reading on a screen or seeing IRL. A screen and keyboard doesn't change what people are thinking or judging you on.

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bridgetreilly · 08/12/2019 15:53

Generally, I find that if people are clear that they are asking for support, that's what they get. On the other hand, if people post in AIBU asking if they are being unreasonable but secretly hoping for support, they'll be told just how unreasonable they are being. I think that's fine.

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ItsChristmaaaaaaaaas · 08/12/2019 15:57

I have found it very helpful. I’ve had my share of snotty comments, even a threat of a bashing (dumb poster but other posters were very nice about it - even though I found it funny because she thought she was being well ‘ard).

I did get another nasty response to a couple of posts but the poster had got the wrong end of the stick and thought I was being a cow to a friend of hers - we DMed each other and have a nice chat, and she posted that she had been too quick on the draw.

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RedLipstickHighHeels · 08/12/2019 15:59

Yes it can be v judgemental but can also be supportive,informative
Mn is comprised of individuals commenting, opining, it'll have an ouch factor
The mn cheerleaders come out en masse just as soon as a poster expresses any dissatisfaction
The cheerleaders get touchy at any perceived criticism

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