AIBU to want to shout 'I don't ******* care!!'?

[SploshMeBackwards]

Brief back story....
My DP and DD have all had a horrendous year, we've all gone through things which most people probably wouldn't experience in their life time let alone in a year.

To now....
From the moment I'm awake to the minute everyone else goes to sleep, I am constantly spoken to 'Can I have this?' 'Are we going out today?' 'I'm hungry' you get the picture. That's just from my daughter when shes home from school and at weekends. Bedtime I'm at the end of my tether. 7pm is wind down time, no devices and nothing to exciting so we suggest reading for an hour until 8pm when it's sleep time.
10pm shes still awake up and down the stairs for God knows what reasons, her devices have been taken away but she doesn't care.
Then there's my partner. He wakes up and thinks it's ok to spoon me and puts his hand by my groin because he likes the feel of what pubes are there (sorry for TMI!!). I'm sick to the back teeth of him forever touching me, grabbing me and making sexual remarks. We have a healthy sex life. He says it's because he loves me and fancies me so much. I've told him it needs to stop because I feel like nothing but a piece of meat.
Whenever he's around he doesn't shut up talking!! I don't mind him telling me about his day and if something good or bad has happend etc... but it's the repetitive stuff that is driving me mad. I go to the bathroom, so he follows to have a bath/a wash/do his hair/do his beard. I go to the bathroom for 5 minutes peace and quiet!!!
By 6pm I'm thinking to myself I don't fucking care just leave me alone!!!

I don't get a chance to actually think or feel anything for myself until gone 10pm and I'm completely and utterly drained, miserable, angry and I just want one day where I'm not having everyone else's issues spoken at me, I want one night where my daughter actually goes to sleep at 8pm, I want to wake up without being touched, I want to go a day without sexual innuendos made or being touched. I just want to lay in bed the entire day and night on my own, eating crap and watching tv in peace.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this?

You have a right to your own privacy and space.
I remember when dcs were small and dh feeling a bit amorous one day tipped me over the edge where I felt like my existence seemed to be to serve others. Personal space and time is so important.
Your dh is not respecting that at all. You need to tell him to stop being so needy and stop with the groping. I
Your dd also needs to see that you are a person with your own needs and to respect that.
Even saying ‘I’m just having a cup of tea and need some peace and quiet. Please don’t disturb me for 15 minutes’

You are not being at all unreasonable. You deserve to have a good scream and shout about this but it doesn’t sound as though that would help you. You need solutions quickly before you completely lose your shit.
We solved our bedtime shenanigans with DD2 when she was about this age by moving lights-out time later. You don’t need your daughter to be snuggled up at 8pm, you just need her to be in her bedroom and staying put without complaining. At 9, you can probably make a deal with her, you will trade a later, more grown-up bedtime for some more grown-up behaviour from her. Have a conversation with her about it one day, earlier in the day rather than at bedtime and agree a new timetable. We couldn’t settle if we were told to go to bed an hour or two before we were tired. Be clear with her about the behaviour you expect and the behaviour you don’t want. Praise her for being mature and “more like a 10 or 11 year old” with her new attitude.
As for your DH, he needs to understand that his actions are a turn-off. They are the opposite of affection or foreplay because they are the opposite of what you need and what you have asked for. There are few things more likely to repel any woman than this kind of repeated casual disregard.

It's time to loose your shirt with dh and tell him to f off and sharp elbow in the ribs. Mine was a sex pest. No amount of talking nicely and explaining stopped it. Me getting very cross each time had the desired effect

Partners having the odd cuddle, a cheeky bum pinch, or a bit of a snog, is not what I'm talking about. There is mutual consent there.

What OP is describing, is not that. And men who are like OP's partner, who ignore their partner's wishes not to be constantly groped, or have to listen to sexual innuendo, often escalate to the scenario I described. There have been posts on here about it. It most definitely IS about power and control. Sexual abuse and rape has nothing to do with being desired, and what her partner is doing, is sexual abuse, because he knows she doesn't give her consent.

Definitely lock the bog door, anyway.

Motoko.
I agree with you. There is nothing 'flattering' about someone still harassing you in a sexual way after you have made it clear that you don't like it and don't want it. That's disgusting and it's to do with the guy being as nasty selfish controlling git. No one with an ounce of decency would do that.

OP, I think you need some clear rules for both your child and your partner. I'd write them down!

Your DD could go to bed a bit later but she is way to old to be bothering you. Is there a reason she is asking you for a drink when she is thirsty. She should be sorting that herself?

Howlovely Your bum pinching, etc, is being done within an atmosphere of consent, because you are both accepting of it and haven't told each other to stop.

What OP has been describing is groping, and Motoko is right that this kind of behaviour escalates. OP has asked her DP to stop and has been ignored, this does mean the groping is about what he wants and not what OP wants, and clearly doesn't care about OP's feelings.

OP's situation is nothing like yours.

I had an ex who liked to grab me and shove his hand down my trousers to finger me. I'd try to pull away but he'd hold on tight with his other arm and stop me. I couldn't get away without making a noise, because it was usually done when the DC were upstairs in bed and a noise would have brought them down again. He knew I couldn't stop him, and that's why he did it. One reason he's an ex.

Wedge for under the bathroom door and a set time each night for you to bathe without interference.
Tell them you will be wearing headphones as well so no talking through the door

It sounds like you need some time to yourself OP, just to reset. Can you get away in your own for a few days

Agree with past posters that your DP is a sex pest and showing no respect for your body or your boundaries.

For DD can you reward good bedtime behaviour super nanny style. A special sticker/star in a special container then a treat that will motivate her after 5 are collected. Then extend to 8,12,16 etc. This has worked with my DS of a similar age.

I think your dd's behaviour at bedtime might be linked to the terrible time ashe as had the last year.
You sound exhausted and at the end of your tether.
When you are at the end of your tether, you don't have any spare capapcity to deal with anyone else's issues, even if they are children.

So I would prioritise some head space. Talk to you dh about your need to get away, to have some space. Is there anywhere you could go for a night? Can you afford a B&B? If you can just go, tell dh you will be away on Friday and saturday and he needs to pick up the slack. Go and sleep/read/stare at the wall, whatever you need.
Even a day or two should help to start. Then you and dh need to come up with a plan for dd. Take turns, be very clear with dd, tonight it is dh turn, shut the living room door with you inside and dh outside dealing with dd.
Lots of reassurance and cuddles, and then firm, no getting out of bed, and stick to it. If she is not ready to sleep, she can read/draw/listen to audio books but not allowed out of her room.

1. it’s time you told him exactly what you told us in no uncertain terms, what he’s doing is disgusting and he has no right to do that. You say your sex life is healthy but it doesn’t sound like it if he’s constantly doing /saying the stuff he is every single day .
2. I personally think 8pm is too early for your dd, my dd is 8 and goes to bed at 9pm and goes to sleep pretty much straight away and still able to wake up well for school. She can’t go to sleep if she’s not tired,it doesn’t work like that . Time to stand up for yourself and put yourself first

Your husband sounds horrible

Your dd is the same age as mine and bedtime here is similar usually because she's overthinking things - I know a lot of her friends are the same so thinking maybe it's hormone related or something? I think also that 8pm is too early.