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AIBU?

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Original poster

‘Camp’ behaviour in 9 year old

80 replies

Marypoppins19 · 07/12/2019 22:37

I don’t really like the term ‘camp’ but can’t improve on the description so bare with me.

Ds - loves a giggle, always messing around, very happy child. Last few months has been mimicking camp behaviours, hand gestures and phrases whilst in silly mode.

Dh thinks this is ‘naughty’ as in its silly and annoying so has said literally - stop being so silly.....

But I feel that’s a bit strange as it’s giving the impression that that behaviour is wrong??

He isn’t taking the piss out of people behaving in that way, he’s just behaving like that as he thinks it’s an ok reaction.

I’m doing a crap job of explaining this....

OP posts:
Bizawit · 08/12/2019 08:08

Omg, of course being “camp” doesn’t make you gay, and not all gay people are camp. Who has even said that??

It is the case, however, that many LGBT people express themselves in “gender non-conforming” ways including in childhood. A young boy who grows up to be gay, for example may make exhibit behaviours or traits in childhood that adults might read as “camp” or “effeminate”. Equally some boys may do this and grow up to be straight. Either way it is absolutely not ok, and certainly homophobic, to find this behaviour silly or annoying, and to try to police it.

Also all social behaviour is learned/“mimicked”. It’s how human being work. Unless he’s being overtly mocking or a particular individual or group, he’s just exploring different ways of expressing himself. Let him be.

Cultoffortnite · 08/12/2019 08:15

The way you e written that it makes its sounds like he’s doing in deliberately to take the Mickey and if he is I’m telling you now that sounds homophobic. Tell him to stop and explain why, even if it’s ‘innocent’, it’s not going to come across well.
If he’s doing it ‘naturally’ and wasn’t camp before I would wonder why he’s suddenly started but if it’s part of who he is then tell your DH to wind his neck in and leave the kid alone.
Your son will be gay if he’s gay.

Cultoffortnite · 08/12/2019 08:16

And most gay men I know aren’t in the least bit camp. So being a bit camp does not make you gay - I know ‘camp’ straight guys too. Though they spend a lot of time explaining that no they aren’t gay and yes they did marry a woman to confused straight blokes. Women care a lot less it seems.

Happyspud · 08/12/2019 08:17

The gay aspect being a total non issue for me, if my DS suddenly started acting camp I’d find it very irritating, just like the recent phase of baby voice and the other recent phase of gestures such as usain bolt and flossing. Or the phase of loud fake laugh he picked up in school. Or the silly accent phase. I’d have no issues if DS had always had slightly camp mannerisms and they had just become more pronounced. But otherwise I’d assume it was another irritating phase rooted in copying some set of mannerisms.

itsmecathycomehome · 08/12/2019 08:21

It doesn't sound like he's copying really does it? I mean, who would he be copying?

I think he is probably doing something that feels natural to him. Making him feel ashamed for it would be a cruel mistake imo.

Your dh doesn't like it because it makes his boy look gay. In which case, he is a prick.

MustardScreams · 08/12/2019 08:32

Things like this are why 84 men kill themselves a week.

Toxic masculinity needs to go! Men can be ‘camp’ (I hate that term) surly, cute, silly, strong, stoic whatever they want to be. It’s when you try and fit them into a neat box (boys don’t cry, boys don’t like pink, boys that act camp have to be gay) that the pressure starts and men struggle.

Just let him be who he wants to be. Just because he acts a certain way doesn’t mean anything. He’s just him.

BennyTheBall · 08/12/2019 08:33

I think I’d ignore it and hope it goes away (the silly behaviour). They go through all sorts of phases & this is probably just one of them.

The gay thing is a non issue.

SimonJT · 08/12/2019 08:36

Please don’t make him experience shame for being himself.

Interestedwoman · 08/12/2019 08:45

@MintyMabel 'but you might tell him to tone the camp down when he's at school etc or he might be bullied

Yes, yes, make sure your son isn’t himself or else he might be bullied. I must remind DD to tone down her disability in case anyone bullies her.'

Unfortunately, bullying is a thing. I wish it weren't, it's damaged me to the extent its effects are a lot of what I try and get help with in therapy, but it is.

faevern · 08/12/2019 08:48

Have you asked him why he is behaving like this and what does he say? Is he copying someone who he thinks is funny or admires?

Interestedwoman · 08/12/2019 08:49

@MintyMabel 'I must remind DD to tone down her disability in case anyone bullies her.''

Of course people can't help their disability (I have some myself- bipolar, and ADHD with autistic features) but parents can still do whatever they can to try and help them do well socially etc. My parents just let me do my thing mostly, when I didn't have a clue about how to do well socially. Every child is different- I personally needed more instruction in how to socialize, and I wish I had been given that. Bullying has scarred me for life.

Mummyshark2018 · 08/12/2019 08:57

I agree with what @whereverimayroam has written.

ElluesPichulobu · 08/12/2019 08:59

of course being camp doesn't make someone gay. both of the two campest men of my acquaintance are firmly hetero & married.

@Northernparent68 has already been told but I'll say it again: concern that a personality trait might be picked on by bullies should never cause anyone to seek to change their personality. bullies bully because they are bullies. they will always find something to pick on. you cannot "conform" your way to safety from bullies. only tackling the bullies' behaviour will help that.

meanwhile @Marypoppins19 your DH needs to differentiate between the fact that pretty much anything a 9yo does excessively will be irritating to a tired parent so some of his irritation will be reasonable, but this specific behaviour is just part of life's rich tapestry.

katewhinesalot · 08/12/2019 09:27

I'd ignore it. The more he feels he's getting a reaction, the more he'll do it for effect if that's why he's doing it. If he's gay and experimenting then ignoring it is still the right reaction.

Original poster
Marypoppins19 · 08/12/2019 09:35

Ignoring it and enjoying the rest of the weekend - thanks all

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 08/12/2019 09:38

If he was doing impressions of Jamaican or Nigerian accents for laughs, you'd be telling him to stop it right now. Because the intent might be benign, but the way it could be received by others is entirely different.

At the moment, he's not offended anyone- hopefully, at any rate.

SarahTancredi · 08/12/2019 09:43

Toxic masculinity needs to go! Men can be ‘camp’ (I hate that term) surly, cute, silly, strong, stoic whatever they want to be. It’s when you try and fit them into a neat box (boys don’t cry, boys don’t like pink, boys that act camp have to be gay) that the pressure starts and men struggle

Yes it needs to do one.

But then so does adopting piss taking homophobic behaviour based on insulting stereotypes of how people think gay men act cos they think.its funny.

SimonJT · 08/12/2019 09:46

@MustardScreams Completely agree. Children shouldn’t be shamed for being themselves, it produces damaged adults.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 08/12/2019 09:57

(although is a little hmm when DS snaps his fingers at him and says "yas queen!")

Grin Grin Grin

SarahTancredi · 08/12/2019 10:23

Please don’t make him experience shame for being himself

It's weird how these days being yourself seems to mean adopting sterotypes and overemphasizing them and mocking people.

newdeer · 08/12/2019 10:37

@HarrietM87 - no, I wasn't being serious. Sorry if that was unclear. That was a joke DS made about us having no inkling he was gay despite him wearing pink fairy costumes and carrying a pink fairy doll and watching On the Town on a loop all the time as a toddler. It was DS sending up stereotypes, not agreeing with them.

MustardScreams · 08/12/2019 10:39

@SarahTancredi

Where have you got this mindset from? I don’t see the op’s son as mocking people? Some people ARE camp, they’re not taking the piss out of anyone that’s just who they are.

SarahTancredi · 08/12/2019 10:42

Some people are camp. Yes. I've met a fair few.

None of them clicked their fingers and strutted and went " yes queens " that's very much exaggerated stereotyped behaviour thats was used to mock people in schools

Andysbestadventure · 08/12/2019 10:47

The campest man I ever met was married to a woman and had 4 children. He was 100% straight. He was just camp and flamboyant.

Actually now I think about it my Hairdresser is also the same. You'd think he was gay but no, married with three kids too.

itsmecathycomehome · 08/12/2019 10:48

"that's very much exaggerated stereotyped behaviour thats was used to mock people in schools."

But OP's ds is doing this at home, to his parents. So who would he be mocking?

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