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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Camp’ behaviour in 9 year old

80 replies

Marypoppins19 · 07/12/2019 22:37

I don’t really like the term ‘camp’ but can’t improve on the description so bare with me.

Ds - loves a giggle, always messing around, very happy child. Last few months has been mimicking camp behaviours, hand gestures and phrases whilst in silly mode.

Dh thinks this is ‘naughty’ as in its silly and annoying so has said literally - stop being so silly.....

But I feel that’s a bit strange as it’s giving the impression that that behaviour is wrong??

He isn’t taking the piss out of people behaving in that way, he’s just behaving like that as he thinks it’s an ok reaction.

I’m doing a crap job of explaining this....

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 07/12/2019 23:16

My ds has always been a bit "camp" his favourite film age 5 was Mama Mia & he loved dancing to all the ABBA songs, copying what the women characters did, he has never been interested in boy stuff like football, he loves music, drama, reads all the classic books for fun, he doesn't have any male friends, his friends are all girls. He came out to admit being gay when he was 12, I'm proud of him & just told him that whatever he was I loved him & as far as I was concerned he was himself & didn't need any label. He is 15 now, growing up to be a lovely well mannered & well behaved young man, whatever he becomes I will always be so proud of him.

Interestedwoman · 07/12/2019 23:17

He has got this off the telly or something. People aren't born saying 'Yas queen!' or don't channel it from the gods.

If he's gay that's fine though- but you might tell him to tone the camp down when he's at school etc or he might be bullied. (I'm bi so am not saying that in an anti-gay way- unfortunately, bullying is a thing.)

Jossina · 07/12/2019 23:19

Your husband needs to let your son be who he is. If he annoys his peers with his behaviour to the point that they try and change it DS will either change or stand up for himself. Hopefully if said peers are bullying him because they think he's gay based on these behaviours he and you AND your DH will laugh and shout that down.

BlueEyedFloozy · 07/12/2019 23:22

Being camp doesn't mean you're gay.
Being gay doesn't mean you're camp.

My best friends are a gay couple who absolutely despise overtly camp behaviour because it perpetuates the stereotype of what people think they should be.

It is not homophobic to be irritated by unnecessary clicking, strutting and phrases. I find any LOOK AT ME behaviour annoying.

My 13yo came out as gay when he was 10. Makes no difference to him or us.

Soontobe60 · 07/12/2019 23:24

First of all, I'd your DS knows his behaviour annoys his DF, he may be more likely to do it, just to get a reaction!
The majority of boys who I've taught over the years who exhibit this type of behaviour haven't turned out to be gay. The ones who have were quite obviously gay by the time they were 11. None of them were flamboyantly camp. You're correct in thinking is he behaving like that for no reason, or is he doing it to make fun of gay men? If it's the latter, then he needs to be called out on it. If the former, then he needs to understand that some people could perceive this to be homophobic behaviour, even if unintentional. And as a pp has pointed out, behaving in a camp manner does not make you gay whilst gay men do not automatically display camp behaviour.
If any 9 year old flicked their fingers at me like a drag queen they'd get told to stop being so disrespectful!

saraclara · 07/12/2019 23:29

It depends why he's doing it. If he's doing it as a wind up or as mockery, then dad is within his rights to tell him not to do it.

Mummyshark2019 · 07/12/2019 23:55

Just let the boy be himself for God's sake. He's not doing anything wrong as far as I can see from what's been said.

Singlenotsingle · 08/12/2019 00:01

It's alright to behave like that at home, but I'd worry that he's doing it at school as well. He'll soon get bullied. Bullies only need someone who's a bit different, and a little boy who's behaving in a camp manner will soon attract unwelcome attention.

MissLadyM · 08/12/2019 00:07

Campness is wonderful and should be encouraged! Just let him be himself, he sounds lovely!

YouSawThePlans · 08/12/2019 00:14

You're the one calling the behaviour camp. Your DH is just saying your DS is being silly and annoying. Sometimes DCs are silly and annoying, and need to be told to stop. That's nothing to do with being camp or homophobic.
It seems to be fairly new behaviour and you call it mimicking so where is your DS mimicking it from?

MintyMabel · 08/12/2019 00:16

He’s a right old computer games footie lad
Hmm yes, it’s well known that gay people can’t play football or computer games.

but you might tell him to tone the camp down when he's at school etc or he might be bullied

Yes, yes, make sure your son isn’t himself or else he might be bullied. I must remind DD to tone down her disability in case anyone bullies her.

Aridane · 08/12/2019 00:19

I put YANBU but meant to put YABU - ie it seems quite likely you son is doing standard imitating behaviour and, yes, silly and annoying

WhereverIMayRoam · 08/12/2019 00:32

I’m not sure why some posters think he’s “being himself”, tbh he just sounds like he’s watching far too much shite on YouTube and then emulating what he finds amusing ie the finger clicking and strutting etc. I couldn’t give a toss whether my dc are gay or straight but I do find that kind of behaviour attention seeking and fake so yes, I’d find it irritating, just like it can be irritating when they find fart jokes oh so hilarious or sing the same silly made up song over and over.

I’m a bit Confused that some posters seem to assume it means he’s gay and therefore his silliness must be nurtured Hmm. I thought people were well aware that the whole camp gay man thing is a stereotype?

newdeer · 08/12/2019 01:08

Maybe he's mimicking a TV personailty he likes. You only have to watch Strictly or X Factor or BGT to see the majority of the male presenters behaving in high camp fashion, so he may think that's the way to express excitement.

As PP have said, it doesn't matter. DS1 came out to me and it was a complete shock. He's a rugby playing cadet. Though he did point out that he spent his preschool years in a fairy outfit, playing with dolls and obsessed with 1950s musicals, so how I missed these toddler clues, I have no idea Grin.

newdeer · 08/12/2019 01:10

Just to be clear, he was pointing out that he was a camp toddler, not that gay men are automatically camp or camp men are automatically gay.

BusterGonad · 08/12/2019 02:07

Surely annoying behaviour is annoying regardless of sexual orientation.

Original poster
Marypoppins19 · 08/12/2019 06:57

I’m more confused than ever now.
My reason for posting was that I don’t know if he’s being himself and it’s a new thing OR if he’s just coping and therefore being annoying OR is he copying and just being rude?!

Either way - we love the bones of him

OP posts:
Goldenchildsmum · 08/12/2019 07:04

*I’m more confused than ever now.
My reason for posting was that I don’t know if he’s being himself and it’s a new thing OR if he’s just coping and therefore being annoying OR is he copying and just being rude?! *

What does your son say when you ask him where he got his comedic style from?

HarrietM87 · 08/12/2019 07:07

A camp toddler?! Are you being serious @newdeer?

OP I think the gay thing is a huge red herring here - sounds like he’s being a bit silly and a bit annoying, copying something he’s seen on TV. Whether he turns out to be gay or straight is irrelevant, if his behaviour is objectively irritating there’s no problem telling him to stop it.

DecomposingRat · 08/12/2019 07:20

Sounds pretty harmless, he is probably just copying someone on the TV that he thinks is funny (Alan Carr, Graham Norton etc).

Eggies · 08/12/2019 07:23

You son is obviously just mimicking things he has seen somewhere that he finds funny. Just be more zealous with managing the kinds of things he has access to watch.

Booboostwo · 08/12/2019 07:25

We have a lot of cultural expectations of children with respect to gender, which is a huge shame. We encourage boys to be manly, so perfectly natural expressions of emotion, wonder and joy are discouraged in boys at the risk of being feminine. Maybe he is a boy who is in touch with his feminine side. Maybe he is also gay, or not. All these expressions of individuality and sexuality are fine.

If he is mimicking a behaviour he has seen in order to mock it, then I think you should talk to him about social prejudice against gay people and how this extends to persecution in some cases, so that he understands that not everything should be the subject of a joke.

Teateaandmoretea · 08/12/2019 07:38

I agree with everything whereverImayroam says.

If the AIBU was that this behaviour was in a restaurant the OP would be told to make her child behave with some 'I bet he's spirited' shite. If it was a girl not a boy she'd be told off for being annoying without a thought.

It is just irritating behaviour and that's it, he isn't camp he's copying nonsense off that dreadful strictly come dancing. One of those things that is funny the first time so everyone laughs but by the 25th it really isn't.

Also Hmm about the person who 'struggles' with child being gay being immediately a bad person. Probably that's the majority of the population you are discounting as bad then. I would totally accept a child being gay, but I'm sure I'd find it difficult telling some people etc and worry about reactions from others making my child's life difficult. So to some extent I would struggle yes and to not think that is rather naive unless our society changes significantly.

Greenglassteacup · 08/12/2019 08:07

Name change fail yesterday op

Greenglassteacup · 08/12/2019 08:07

At 23.15

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