Aibu to ask for help finding some direction at 23?

[BinkyBaa]

Hi all, expecting to get a slated for this but I could do with some advice from people a little bit older and wiser.

I'm 23 and have no idea how to find something to do with my life. I recently graduated from a masters with distinction and an award for best dissertation but all too quickly that all became meaningless. I studied history which really doesnt have any specific jobs in it aside from teaching, which I've considered but I don't want to teach and I don't think it's fair on the kids stuck with me as their teacher either.

Altogether my life is a bit boring and grim at the moment. Mouldly flat, no proper friends and no money, just rejection emails rolling in and more applications rolling out. I've been rejected from every grad scheme I could find (nhs, civil service fast stream, auditing etc). The vast majority of places wont even interview me though I'm told my CV is impressive by the few that did.

I thought I found something I wanted to do, which is moving into law (my work in history was largely focused on a mixture of art and mass social/legal issues like asbestos/working conditions/contraceptive negligence(think dalkon shield), so theres some background) but so far I've only had one interview in which I've been told "we found you to be very passionate and capable but we dont think you're really dedicated to law enough" followed by a whole spiel about how they'd assumed I'd applied randomly as a new graduate looking for anything and everything (everyone else at the interview was a law student, so god knows why they even bothered calling me in).

The pathway for law would likely be the SQE now but I'd still need two years work as a paralegal (and the money from it to fund my study).

I feel very stuck and demotivated. I've been rejected from the civil service a good 30 times already (AO and EO positions). It seems like nobody wants me with my current qualifications and experience (4 years of retail), but I cant afford to retrain or even just learn to drive. I honestly regret the masters as I'm now ineligible for any kind of student finance. I just want a full time job that isn't retail so I can get my life on track but it seems thats too optimistic.

My partner works and was looking forward to his first proper job but it's worked out that I'm ineligible for UC and his earnings just about cover us to live paycheck to paycheck, so its bringing him down as well and I feel particularly guilty sitting at home job searching for the past four months while he works and has little new to show for it.

I feel like I'm not looking forward to anything but not enjoying the present either, and I know other people have actually hard lives and I've no right to complain but I can't help but feel so low all the time, like everything I worked for has been pointless.

Any ideas as to how I can break back into doing something with my life without any money to start with?

Hi OP, congratulations on your masters!! I am in a similar position as you and I would advise you to visit your university's career centre, they have helped me quite a lot you should be able to access that service as an alumna. Also, if you would be interested you might be able to work in a museum or archive, history degrees are preferred by the later in many cases

In contrast to some of the posters here, I think ‘go travelling’ is rubbish advice. You’re just running away from your problem, which is a lack of career. By the time you come back home you’re older and even further behind. Sort the career out first and you’ll actually have some money to see the world in relative comfort.
I wonder if perhaps your options are quite limited if you’re up north? I’m just assuming that’s where you are located based on where you went to uni. If I was you I would seek some sort of professional career advice and really plug away applying for the civil service. You’ve mentioned it a lot in your posts and I think it’s where you want to be.

If you can stomach going back to school, you can do the Graduate Diploma in Law (1 year) then the LPC (if you want to be a solicitor) or BPTC (if you want to be a barrister), then you're all set to start applying for a training contract or pupilage.

From memory, the combined fees for the 2 courses will set you back around £15k. You may be lucky enough to get a firm/chambers to pay for the second course.

Worth warning you that having the above qualifications doesn't mean you'll walk into a training contract/pupilage. You may have to work as a paralegal for a bit first, and even then there's no guarantees. The money can be crap until you qualify, and can remain pretty dreadful depending on your practice area and geographical location.

I just wanted to say hello as you sound so much like me at the same age except my degree was in philosophy. I had no idea what I wanted to do and drifted in to working at a university in an admin role. I'd done summer work in admissions so that was my foot in the door - did you do anything like that which might give you an "in"? I actually did enjoy it. I got married young (22) and had my babies - then retrained as a midwife because I fell in love with pregnancy and birth stuff and loved the idea of advocating for women. By then I felt stuck in my admin role and went through loads of different job ideas and being a midwife just appealed to me and felt right so I applied kind of on a whim, got in and now I love it.

I'm not saying you should do the same by a any means!! Looking back it was a bit mad, but I just really wanted children and thought I'd get on with it while I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life.

I just wanted to send some support really as I remember how dreadfully frustrating it all was at the time aged 22/23 with a degree and masters but no idea what job I wanted and rejections from everywhere (tried for the civil service quite a few times as well, NHS management grad scheme, thought about law too)... So I hope you find what you want to do. I'm sure you will.

Have you tried to get work in an art gallery or museum, even if it’s only voluntary? If you could do some voluntary hours, alongside a retail job for a bit of income, you could get some useful experience and a foot in the door. I would try to look more to something that would value your masters, rather than start all over again. Apart from anything else, at least at interview you look like you’ve had a plan rather than a scatter gun approach

I’d second lots of the above advice, especially volunteer, temp, explore you options and seek advice. You lack focus and need to target one thing first and really go for it.

I went into the public sector via temping, it didn’t really suit me but I learnt from it. I also moved to a city with more opportunities and tried different roles internally. Had kids and stayed home, toughest job ever but thought about what I wanted to do and focused in on a specific career that paid decent wages and I could retrain easily and cheaply-ish. I’m now moving into a more specialist field with better pay and loads of exciting opportunities. However I wouldn’t be able to do this without at least some time away from my northern home town.

You are only young once, as you get older it becomes harder to start again, although more and more of us do it. This is your time to explore your self and experience the world. Tying yourself down isn’t helping you. I don’t even have pets now because I want to travel or go out easily and we’ve got two kids. Have a think about what you really want out of life, don’t have kids to fill the gap and remember pets can travel if you can’t leave them behind. And travelling the world can be done one holiday at a time over your life (much cheaper without kids).

And watch this, it helped me see things better and I give my new career a go, even if I was already over 30 - m.youtube.com/watch?v=vhhgI4tSMwc

Totally agree with temping/volunteering. You just need to put yourself out there. It will help you focus on what you do/don't want to do, make new friends/contacts and could easily lead to something permanent. I've know a number of people where I work who started as temps and then moved into permanent jobs.

I do sympathise. I have a 23 year old ds in the same position who has also applied for every grad scheme going, with no success.

I think if you are struggling to get interviews then look at your CV interview techniques.

Sign up to agencies for admin or even reception work. Experience will really help and having something even fixed term will be beneficial to you.

Look at graduate jobs that are commutable. Even a year of something that isn’t perfect will give you transferable skills.

Prepare for each interview with company knowledge etc. If you are interested in law an admin role in a law firm could be a foot in the door.

Good luck

Hello OP, you remind me of myself 25 years ago - lost and a bit miserable and disillusioned. Like you I had no clear path into any kind of profession, and looking back I was suffering from low-level anxiety and depression which stopped me applying for as many jobs as I could have. I also have a hearing impairment and back then it wasn't illegal to discriminate on that basis.

I've made an uneasy peace with not being destined to have a career. Mostly it wasn't my fault and not a reflection on my intelligence or talent. It won't be of any help to you if I say that my DH has been way more reliable than any job I've ever had, or that my family are my biggest source of satisfaction right now - such things are a long way off in your early twenties. What I would say to my younger self, and what I will say to you now is this.

Take the focus off achievement for a while. You've been in a very narrow, very insular world of essays and grades and climbing up artificial ladders since you were 5. That doesn't fit your life any more, and I suspect you don't conform to any kind of professional or corporate mould (I'm curious - do you have any kind of hidden disability/difference/impairment? - that often means people don't accommodate you readily). Take time to work out what the world needs from you, and what you get most satisfaction from doing. If you're lucky, the two may coincide. If you're like the rest of us well, you may have to settle for something that pays the bills without driving you mad, and leave time for what you really enjoy. Because, let's face it, writing novels or exploring the hidden history of your local 400-year-old pub ain't never gonna pay, unless you win the bestseller lottery.

Don't rush into having a family, especially if you aren't married. Children ideally need a steady income and a secure home as well as two parents in a rock solid relationship. Your relationship sounds like it's going through change at the moment and may not survive your current self-questioning.

Volunteer, temp, do something that pays the bills, move cities, don't tie yourself down. And do something you really enjoy, job related or otherwise. You don't have commitments. Use that freedom.

University is a bit like being in a cosy bubble

In the real world, we all need money to pay for the basics to survive
Everyone is looking for employment or better employment
This is the reality

You need to find your own opportunities & network

Nobody is going to 'magically' provide you with an ideal job

@BinkyBaa OP, a bit of a far stretch, but have you considered banking? This is my exact situation of when I was 24 (albeit not history degree). Applied to dozens of public service jobs& nothing. I LOVED banking. I retrained after to be a solicitor but banking was a great career start.

I'm going to add

A degree is not a guarantee to get a ' good job' unless you do something like nurse/medicine

However, a degree should in theory open more windows of opportunity

It's always easier to gain better employment, if you are already employed