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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dog at Christmas

33 replies

Pumba3 · 07/12/2019 19:08

First up I’m aware I am probably in the minority but I don’t really like dogs! I don’t wish them any harm and abhor animal cruelty I just don’t want to share my personal space with them! Plus my son has an allergy to animal hair, especially dogs and cats. However, my bil is coming for Xmas and is insisting he brings his dog. Plenty of family members have offered to look after it but he can’t be parted from his pet. I’ve said no, he can come but the dog can’t. Not only do we not have animals in the house but we have spent a lot of time, money and effort renovating our house and I’m aware that the wee dog eats everything in sight and needs supervision. Plus he wants the dog to sleep in the spare bed with him! I’d love my bil to come for Xmas but cannot face having his pet in the house. It’s our family Xmas and I don’t think it’s fair to put me under pressure to share my space with someone else pet. Am I just being a madam?? Xx

OP posts:

Disfordarkchocolate · 07/12/2019 19:10

Your house your rules. We may allow dogs for short visits but never all day or overnight and they would sleep on a bed over my dead body.

Somerville · 07/12/2019 19:12

Plus he wants the dog to sleep in the spare bed with him!

As a dog owner, I don’t allow animals upstairs. This would be a non starter.

The fact your son is allergic means there is no conversation to be had. Anyone trying to have it is putting an adults wants above a child’s medical needs.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 07/12/2019 19:15

YANBU.

I don't allow dogs in my house (excepting guide dogs only). I am very uncomfortable around them and my experience has been that they are often quite destructive, plus i don't like the way they smell.

Your BiL is not being unreasonable to ask to bring his pet, but should accept that you have said no. He is being absolutely absurd to expect anyone to allow his dog to sleep in their spare bed with him.

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 07/12/2019 19:16

No, not at all! You have good reasons for not wanting a dog in your home and BIL is being unreasonable.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 07/12/2019 19:17

Your house your rules. I'm lucky in that I have an exceptionally dog friendly family and we all have dogs so it's always just presumed we rock up with them when we visit each other. If your BIL knows you're not a dog person, he shouldn't be pressing you to let him bring his dog with him.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/12/2019 19:23

Your BIL can't insist on anything. I love dogs but no one brings their dog into my home. Your child is allergic, ffs. The answer is NO and if he chooses not to come, so be it. Don't entertain one more second of this pointless conversation.

pigsDOfly · 07/12/2019 19:23

I'm a dog owner. I allow my dog to sleep on my bed and go anywhere in my house, but she's my dog and it's in my house.

I would not for a second expect to take my dog to someone else's house for a visit unless they where absolutely happy to have her there. And I would never suggest she sleeps on a bed in someone else's house.

Your son has an allergy to dogs, so the conversation stops there.

You can't have the dog in your house, you don't want the dog in your house so your BIL will have to take up one of the offers he's had from a friend to look after the dog for him or he stays at home.

Original poster

Pumba3 · 07/12/2019 19:23

We would like bil to come for an extended stay, I would love him to come but his dog is a step too far xx

OP posts:

newbingepisodes · 07/12/2019 19:28

Nope your house, your rules! I don't like dogs either and won't have them in my house. My in laws decided on a couple of occasions they were going to bring their dog with them (despite knowing my objection), I told them in no uncertain terms that they cannot come to my house again if they bring the dog - their choice. Come see us without dog or don't come see us. They never bought it again!

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/12/2019 19:29

So you decide if you want him to visit MORE than you don't want his dog.

You can refuse his dog, but that looks like it means he won't come... do you want that, is your desire to save a bit of time hoovering dog hair up actually more important than having this person to stay?

It wouldn't happen here, no one would ask to bring their dogs here as they all know I have dogs that are not friendly towards other sorts of dogs (and children, so parents do not ask to bring their kids here)... it's an issue of safety, so it just doesn't come up.

But I find it hard to value THINGS over people... that you think items, carpets, are more valuable than time spent with someone you clearly like... that's weird to me.

I wonder why you bring up all this other stuff though if your son has an allergy that wouldn't be dealt with by taking antihistamines... I mean how are your home renovations relevant or the fact the dog eats stuff, if your sons allergies are that serious?

Cherrysoup · 07/12/2019 19:32

No way should he bring his dog, how mad! He wouldn’t be welcome here either, my dog is terrified of other dogs.

sonjadog · 07/12/2019 19:32

I think you are perfectly reasonable to say that you won't allow the dog in your house, and he is perfectly reasonable to say that he won't come then.

FlatCheese · 07/12/2019 19:33

I was going to suggest that turkey is more usual, but I see that the dog is to be a guest, not the main course .

Either way, your house, your rules.

EvaHarknessRose · 07/12/2019 19:33

He is probably trying to get out of coming to be fair. Just say.that's not going to work for you, you hope he will come anyway but you understand if he can't because you understand if he can't leave his dog.

Ponoka7 · 07/12/2019 19:36

If your son is allergic then it can't happen. Apart from any other issues that you have with dogs.

OhTheTastyNuts · 07/12/2019 19:41

YANBU!

I also have a child who is allergic to dogs. There's no way I'd let one stay in the house.

WaggleWiggle · 07/12/2019 19:42

YANBU. I have two dogs which are very well trained but I don’t expect my allergic BIL to have them in his house. He very kindly lets us bring them for a few hours and use a pen to put them in a safe secure part of the kitchen but we don’t pressure him to do that. I wouldn’t dream of expecting them to be allowed on his beds or given free range around his house etc.

Original poster

Pumba3 · 07/12/2019 19:42

WiddlinDiddlin, you are right I could dose my son up on antihistamine or his uncle could leave his pet with a member of the family and visit his nephews and niece.

OP posts:

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/12/2019 19:45

Maybe he has valid reasons for not doing that, I cannot think of a single family member I'd leave any of my dogs with!

But hey, you made your choice there... carpets are more important than lives so... happy christmas! :D

AlphaLemon · 07/12/2019 19:45

YANBU. I have a dog and love her to bits, but would never insist on bringing her to someone else’s house, particularly if someone was allergic, what a CF! Regardless of how well behaved the dog is (or is not), it’s your house and your choice. He could easily kennel the dog, dogs don’t know it’s Christmas!
Stand firm

Hepsibar · 07/12/2019 19:45

I am a dog lover but I think your are NOT being unreasonable. Especially in relation to allergies. It's not as if he doesnt have other options. Be brave, stay firm on this.

Poissonpoison · 07/12/2019 19:47

I have a dog who I love. She sleeps in my bed, but isnt allowed upstairs when I go visiting.
It's your house and your DS has allergies so YANBU.

Lunafortheloveogod · 07/12/2019 19:48

I love dogs, I have 3, if it wasn’t for dp they could sleep on my pillow and I wouldn’t give a flying feck.

However I would never take them to someone who has an allergies home. It’s not always as simple as a quick hoover.. easier if the dog is only allowed down stairs in a few rooms. But that could still mean full vac, washing sofa cushions, curtains.. like a deep clean (hair gets bloody everywhere). If the dogs got free roam imagine doing that in every bloody room. The dogs not being left behind and abandoned for days, there’s offers of sitters so not even kennelled. Allergies aren’t fun, especially if the antihistamines wear off before the next dose (mine have.. spent Christmas with itchy skin all over a few years ago).

Original poster

Pumba3 · 07/12/2019 19:56

Thank you ladies, I love my BIL but I love my son more. The added detail was for extra context. I have 4 kids so tidying up is already a full time occupation plus I work outside the home so Christmas is also my leave to spend with my family. I’m not materialistic but this renovation nearly killed my marriage, the stress, expense and worry was overwhelming and it’s just finished. I get that he loves his dog but the reason he is coming to us is because his mother won’t have the dog in the house for an afternoon. Thanks for being understanding and for being kind even if you didn’t fully agree with my position. Happy Christmas everyone xc

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/12/2019 20:01

I am a dog lover but your bil is an arse. You only take your dog to visit friends / family if they are happy to have them otherwise the choice is to decline the invite or find someone to look after your pet.

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