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AIBU?

To ask what you’d suggest for this person - work / life overhaul

35 replies

fragglepip · 07/12/2019 18:29

I hate it when this happens, but it’s hard to talk about somebody when they are nameless, so let’s call them Jo.

Jo is 41 years old, and it’s fair to say adult life has been a real struggle. They graduated 2001, tried a few courses and jobs but none of them worked out. Retrained in 2095, qualified 2008. Jo was nearly 30 by this point.

Jo worked for two years but then things started to go wrong and left. After this, Jo couldn’t work in their qualified field for the next four years. After being permitted to work again, Jo had 3 jobs and has now been dismissed from two of them.

So it’s a bit of a mess.

I’m stuck as to what to suggest. What would you suggest? Thank you.

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AllergicToAMop · 07/12/2019 18:31

Jo needs to pull her head out of her arse?
Really depends on dismissal reasons, but taking the ban in consideration, they are probably serious

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DeathStare · 07/12/2019 18:34

I'm a bit stuck in terms of what you are asking for!

What is Jo's relationship to you? And what is Jo asking/wanting/expecting/hoping for from you? There would be a different answer if Jo was your partner who expected/wanted you to support them financially, thanfor example than if Jo was one of the mum's on the school run who had a whine about it over coffee every couple of months.

You say things started to go wrong and imply that Jo wasn't permitted to work in their chosen field? Why was that? What specifically happened? Again their would be different advice for someone who had experienced workplace bullying to someone who was generally flaky at work or who had nicked the petty cash.

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/12/2019 18:34

If Jo is your friend then don't give them any money or houseroom.

If Jo is your partner then I'd end the relationship.

If Jo is your child...Well....I don't know. I'd maybe give bed and board and hope they find their way eventually. But I'd not fund their unemployment.

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fragglepip · 07/12/2019 18:35

Jo is a relative.

Working in their chosen field - I mean in some professions you are sometimes barred from working in them for a period of time.

I’m honestly just wondering what you’d suggest, career wise?

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DisplayPurposesOnly · 07/12/2019 18:35

So much depends on why Jo was disqualified for four years and why Jo has been dismissed from two other jobs since . At best it suggests Jo is not professionally competent in that field, and needs to look elsewhere.

Jo needs to take any job they can, to keep earning and establish a stable work record.

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Jeezoh · 07/12/2019 18:36

Sounds like Jo needs to be self employed!

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DisplayPurposesOnly · 07/12/2019 18:36

Working in their chosen field - I mean in some professions you are sometimes barred from working in them for a period of time.

For serious infractions.

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AllergicToAMop · 07/12/2019 18:37

Sounds like Jo needs to be self employed!

God no! Sounds like Jo needs constant supervision!

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Trainwardrobe · 07/12/2019 18:39

If she was up for it and experiencing mental health issues she may be able to access careers support from her local iapt service. Obvs she might not be up for it and might not be experiencing any mh difficulties

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frenchknitting · 07/12/2019 18:39

I'm imagining that she is a nurse or similar? I'd say that it's clearly not the field for her, and she should change path before she does something even worse.

I'd advise her to get a basic job to pay the bills, and look for fulfilment outside of employment.

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AllergicToAMop · 07/12/2019 18:41

I’m honestly just wondering what you’d suggest, career wise?

Firstly, we know nothing about her skills
Secondly, with dismissals, ban and so I assume very weak references, her chances are small places which might not actually ask for them.

Seriously though, agree with @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

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Ponoka7 · 07/12/2019 18:44

The only people I've known with work records like that have had MH, an undiagnosed condition or an addiction.

Jo needs therapy.

If she is honest on her CV, I wouldn't think she'd even get a basic job.

But she needs to identify and work on what's going wrong.

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DeathStare · 07/12/2019 18:44

Seriously.... if you want advice you need to stop being so vague!

Jo is a relative - your child? your parent? sibling? your ILs? third cousin twice removed? Do they live with you? are they reliant on you financially? These things make a HUGE difference.

Working in their chosen field - I mean in some professions you are sometimes barred from working in them for a period of time Yes. I'm in one of those professions and the reasons can vary enormously. Sometimes health reasons, sometimes addiction reasons, sometimes criminality, sometimes because of involvement of police/social services for something that was not their fault at all. Without more information I'm not sure anyone can say. I suspect the response might be different if Jo was a persistent criminal, or had endangered other people, to if Jo had had addiction that they had sought help for and now were not involved in, to if Jo had been the victim of someone else's abuse.

I’m honestly just wondering what you’d suggest, career wise? What is Jo wanting? What is Jo asking you for? Has Jo asked you for anything or are you just thinking of giving Jo unsolicited advice? Again the answers would be different

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LucyFurWatesFourNo1 · 07/12/2019 18:49

I think Jo needs to ask themselves because zigzagging isn't getting them anywhere. They could do that with a therapist and while doing somethibg, anything, to pay their bills.

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fragglepip · 07/12/2019 19:01

Semi reliant on me financially. As in no one else around to help. I’m not being vague on purpose but this is someone else’s life. If they were identified through my misguided actions then that would be awful.

It’s addiction reasons.

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lljkk · 07/12/2019 19:03

What transferrable skills does JO have (say ... charming people? persuasion? case management?, mental math?) What does Jo WANT to do?

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DisplayPurposesOnly · 07/12/2019 19:06

It’s addiction reasons.

And what is Jo doing about this addiction?

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MitziK · 07/12/2019 19:06

Cut them loose. It's up to her what she does and it is never your problem to bail out an addict, whether it's due to using or because they have the addict's mentality of nothing ever being their fault.

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fragglepip · 07/12/2019 19:07

Quite a lot to be fair display engaging in support groups etc. Has been clean for a while.

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DeathStare · 07/12/2019 19:09

Semi reliant on me financially. As in no one else around to help. I’m not being vague on purpose but this is someone else’s life. If they were identified through my misguided actions then that would be awful

It’s addiction reasons.

OP I think you really need to decide what you want from this thread. I'm sorry to be blunt but NOBODY can help you with such limited information.

Who is Jo to you? Why are they reliant on you? Do they have any other support?

What was the addiction? And what is the status of the addiction now? Have they received help for this?

What help have you given Jo in the past?

Has Jo asked you for any help/support now? if so, what have they asked for? If not, why do you feel the need to give them unsolicited advice? Or is that Jo hasn't specifically asked but seems to be expecting it?

Has Jo expressed what they would like to do? Do they have any plans or ideas?

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rookiemere · 07/12/2019 19:13

I think Jo just needs to get a job of any description- in fact it's probably best if it's not a draining one at this point in her recovery. The routine should be helpful and earning her own money should boost her confidence. At this time of year she might be able to find some short term seasonal work so it doesn't feel too binding.

Is there any reason why she hasn't considered taking a low paid job?

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lljkk · 07/12/2019 19:15

If Jo were a hospital nurse & addict to opiod drugs, then being a hospital based nurse would be a bad environment. To much potential access to drugs. But there are other ways of being a nurse that wouldn't involve being around such easy access to opiods. Health visitors are community nurses, I seem to recall, but nowhere near opiates.

It's hard to know what to advise without more details, but my guess is Jo can use their training, they need to find a way that keeps them safe & clean. What does Jo's sponsor say?

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ChristmasCroissant · 07/12/2019 19:18

I suspect this is your child and that must be so hard for you to watch them go through this, OP Flowers

Unfortunately - it is up to Jo and nothing you say will make a difference until they are ready to change. If they are engaging with services of their own free will then that is good, if it is because you are pushing them in that direction it may not work.

I hope Jo's recovery continues well and they find a suitable job. I doubt that will be in their qualified field so be open to other possibilities. Best wishes to you too, OP.

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fragglepip · 07/12/2019 19:35

Not my child but close relative

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LucyFurWatesFourNo1 · 07/12/2019 19:42

Interesting people read it as nurse and child, i read it as partner and alcohol/driving.

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