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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To throw all the dummies and bottles in the bin

38 replies

Namechange454 · 07/12/2019 15:05

Name change for this so I can't be recognized, in real life. DS is almost 4.5 and still has dummies and bottles. He is far past the point of needing them, but he still demands to have them, especially when going to bed. I have tried to get rid of them befor, but DH just gives in to his every whim. DH will do whatever DS wants, just for an easy life, which drives me up the wall, (another thread entirely.)

Everytime I say DS can't have a dummy or bottle when he wants one, he will start moaning and whining and crying until DH gives him what he wants.

I'm well aware that at this stage it's well past ridiculous that a 4.5 year old still gets given a dummy whenever he demands. And I'm starting to have serious concerns for the effect it's have on his teeth. When I bring it up with DH he seems completely uninterested.

So my question is, WIBU to throw all the dummies and bottles in the bin, even though I know that when DS starts moaning, DH will go out and get him some more. I'm st the point where I'm perfectly prepared to continue to bin them until DH stops buying them, but that's not really the way I want to play things. All suggestions are welcome as to how to deal with this in a less expensive way.

OP posts:

Sleepthiefismyfavourite · 07/12/2019 15:07

I’m in literally exactly the same position! I’m too nervous to do it though 😂

doodlejump1980 · 07/12/2019 15:07

Could Santa bring some big boy cups in exchange for the baby things?

PurpleFrames · 07/12/2019 15:10

If you celebrate Xmas- seems a perfect time for them to go on the tree and Santa to swap them for special big boy presents 😉

AHippoNamedBooBooButt · 07/12/2019 15:11

4.5 is still little though. My almost 4yr old still has a dummy to go to sleep. Yeah I know it's not great but in the big ole scheme of life - well it's not the biggest issue is it? I'm sure he wont be going to sleepovers when he's older with a dummy in his bag. They do grow out of these things I promise.

Trees2905 · 07/12/2019 15:14

Could you break it down?

My almost 4 year had bottles and dummies. We swopped bottle for big girl cup (which she chose) a couple of months ago and there were no dramas. The dummy is now rigorously bedtime only and generally falls out during the night anyway, it’s more that she likes having it around, sometimes even just in her hand. So I’m encouraging teddy cuddling instead.

Dinomom52 · 07/12/2019 15:14

Do you have elf on the shelf? Could he “take” them for smaller children.

Or could they be left out for santa on Christmas Eve?

My sen ds still had a bottle until he was about 4.

We waited for a natural change in routine (we went on holiday) & just didn’t bring them back.

If he’s overtired or really upset he used to ask for it, but was generally ok & I can’t remember the last time he asked now.

AHippoNamedBooBooButt · 07/12/2019 15:14

I'd personally be more concerned about your Dh's attitude to parenting I mean if he cant even say no to a 4yr old, how is he going to manage when he's a teenager demanding stuff? You'll be grateful of the days he only wanted a dummy then 😉 (my eldest dc is 15)

PreschoolYes · 07/12/2019 15:22

My ds is 3.5 and still has a bottle of milk before bed and a dummy to sleep. Its something that bothers me but he is autistic and hasn't been a good sleeper so I'm very reluctant to change anything as he now sleeps quite well.

If you want rid, I'd be tempted to tackle one at a time. For my DS both being taken away at the same time would be too traumatic, and very stressful for us. But you and your dh need to agree about whether to do it or not.

Original poster

Namechange454 · 07/12/2019 15:26

I probably wouldn't mind it as much if it was just at bedtime, but he still asks for them during the day and, unsurprisingly, DH gives in.

I have been thinking about getting Santa to take them, but just like anything else DS would need to be completely onboard with it, otherwise DH would buy him new ones. He might go for the elf though, since he really loves him.

OP posts:

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 07/12/2019 15:28

This is what I did. Dh dragged his feet on changes like this. In the bin they went.

LongLiveThePenis · 07/12/2019 15:30

You need to have a strong word with your husband and he needs to step up and be a parent.
Tell him to distract and cuddle your son when he wants a dummy, and to stop giving in. I don't know how you've coped with your husband's attitude all this time, he must make things ten times harder.

Jodie77 · 07/12/2019 15:32

Couldn't you put your best whiny voice on and throw a 4.5year old style strop? Maybe he won't say be able to say no to you when you ask them, just like he can't say no to the actual 4.5 year old

BigBairyHollocks · 07/12/2019 15:32

Don’t have Santa do it,it will make Christmas Day a pain in the arse.Just bin them and tell DH and your 4 yo to get over it!

Drum2018 · 07/12/2019 15:32

Cut the dummies across the tip so there is no satisfaction in them anymore. As for the bottles, just bin them and tell him he needs to drink from a cup like other boys his age. Your Dh needs to get out of the habit of giving in to him as he will expect it from school, friends etc and that won't happen, so he needs to learn to cope with being told No from time to time.

TreadLightly3 · 07/12/2019 15:35

Can I please make a suggestion to everyone who is thinking of throwing away bottles that I asked my local women’s refuge and they said they’d be happy to take bottles that were no longer needed. It’s a great way to be more sustainable if you can offer yours to your local refuge. Animal refuges also take old bottles to feed baby or unwell animals. Thanks!

Confusedbeetle · 07/12/2019 15:36

You have to sort out yout DH point out the health hazards, go cold turkey for a few days, if you give in it will be ten times worse next time because the kicking off worked

EntropyRising · 07/12/2019 15:38

You absolutely should get rid of them but you should also get him involved and perhaps have a countdown.

Tying it to Xmas is great I.e you’re leaving them out for Santa to give to babies or similar.

EntropyRising · 07/12/2019 15:40

I know it’s considered unhygienic by some to pass them on but seriously they need to get a grip.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/12/2019 15:51

No don’t just bin them. It’s his little comforter. He’ll lash it when he’s ready.
He’s not going to be walking down the aisle or going to his first Interview with it, is he.

Elieza · 07/12/2019 15:54

Has your DH ever had to take dc to the dentist? I recall a friend being lectured by the dentist about how her dc’s teeth were growing squint due to having a dummy stuffed in the child’s mouth all the time (not just at night) and the lecture promoted action. Perhaps a visit to the dentist would solve this problem?

If you book DHs dental checkups and you have the same dentist book one for dc and yourself at the same time after work.

You go in for your checkup first while DH and dc are in the waiting room. Prime the dentist that you have concerns and can you advice DH if we need to be reducing dummy use as he’s bringing dc in next.

Mission accomplished. And if no concerns then that’s a relief and you can discuss parenting with your DH who appears to want to be a best friend rather than a parent to dc. Sigh.

DeadButDelicious · 07/12/2019 15:59

My DD is 3 and I've just started taking away the dummy during the day. Bottles have been gone for a long time. She still has it at bedtime but I'm looking to phase that out over the next few months. It was AWFUL for the first two or three days when she just wailed but once she realised it wasn't happening and she really wasn't going to get it till bedtime she soon stopped asking and is now happily going all day without it.

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 07/12/2019 16:00

You’ve said your worried about the impact on his teeth haven’t the dentist mentioned anything?

FoxFriend · 07/12/2019 16:01

By giving in once your son becomes upset, your husband is just reinforcing that moaning and whining is the most effective way to communicate his needs. But it sounds like you already know that- time to get your husband on board!

Why is he finding it so difficult not to give in? Is it because he struggles with the idea of your child being upset, or does he just want to stop the whining? Figuring this out might be a good first step to getting on the same page.

AG29 · 07/12/2019 16:02

I’m in a similar position. DD is 4.5 and thankfully bottles are long gone but dummies are still well and truly here and she just won’t give it up. I try and minimise it but Oh gives into her 🤨

No advice as such but you are not alone!

I am thinking about the dummy fairy paying a visit in the Christmas holidays (just so it’s easier as if she keeps waking for it we don’t have to be up so early first thing) and maybe fitting into Christmas too! Maybe the elf on the shelf can take them back to the North Pole 🤣

AG29 · 07/12/2019 16:04

Also to add to my last post. I think maybe one at a time. Rather than taking both away at the same time. Maybe the bottle first then the dummy?

I had a bottle until I was five 🤦‍♀️ My brother had a dummy until he was 8 🤦‍♀️ My younger sisters had bottles until they were 9 (in bed as a comforter). As you can tell my mum was a soft touch.

Like I said thankfully DD gave up the bottles years ago. Neither of mine were bothered by bottles but the dummies 🤨🤨

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