AIBU?
Am I in the wrong.
coffeeoclock · 07/12/2019 14:09
Christmas dinner planned today at a fancy restaurant with my friends (we're all early 20's). I've struggled with MH problems from a young age as well as some physical health problems that have occurred in the past year which are really hard to deal with and cause me a lot of pain in a daily basis.
I try to never cancel plans I have with them so I've never let them down before (even when I feel really depressed and am on antibiotics and in loads of pain I just put on a smiley face). They know about all of this but don't ask me about it and I try not to bring it up as I know it makes them uncomfortable.
Just text the group chat to say I can't make it today explaining why & apologising profusely. One friend has text and said that she's crying now and that she's going to be on her own for an hour whilst everyone else arrives (we were meeting an hour early as she works in the town and I was coming early to keep her company). No how am I, sorry to hear that, are you okay etc.
I literally give up. These people are so so nice and I love them but clearly they don't have a clue about MH or physical health problems. Trying not to feel guilty but I do.
coffeeoclock · 07/12/2019 14:21
@christmassymcchristmas & @AlwaysCheddar yep. I know. I feel so awful as I'm always there for them and go out of my way to make sure they're okay but it seems it's all about them whenever something happens with me and it's a horrid shock to actually realise that today.
Sirzy · 07/12/2019 14:42
Perhaps she also has her own problems which mean being alone like that for an hour is an issue for her?
That’s not to say that the op isn’t right to have cancelled or to be a bit miffed at the reply but let’s not all jump to assume that such a reaction wasn’t for a reason too
MrsL2016 · 07/12/2019 14:49
It's completely up to you how you want to reply to that and it seems from your op that you choose to take the path of least resistance and just not mention what you are dealing with and how you feel, but what she said is not okay and it needs calling out. I would tell her that her reply was very selfish with no regards for you and your feelings. You may not talk about your mental and physical health problems often but a little bit of empathy and support wouldn't go amiss. She/They are supposed to be your friends after all.
coffeeoclock · 07/12/2019 14:50
@MrsL2016 You're so right, I do really need to say something and the first thing I thought when I saw the reply was how selfish!
I just hate rocking the boat and prefer to fly under the radar with no arguments as she's the alpha of our friendship group.
MereDintofPandiculation · 07/12/2019 14:56
Trust me, she doesn't. She talks non stop about herself and her life and I know literally everything (sometimes too much!). No matter how well you knopw her, you can't be sure you know everything. The fact you said you were arriving early "to keep her company" suggests she is anxious about waiting for someone in a public place.
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