Am I in the wrong.

[coffeeoclock]

Christmas dinner planned today at a fancy restaurant with my friends (we're all early 20's). I've struggled with MH problems from a young age as well as some physical health problems that have occurred in the past year which are really hard to deal with and cause me a lot of pain in a daily basis.

I try to never cancel plans I have with them so I've never let them down before (even when I feel really depressed and am on antibiotics and in loads of pain I just put on a smiley face). They know about all of this but don't ask me about it and I try not to bring it up as I know it makes them uncomfortable.

Just text the group chat to say I can't make it today explaining why & apologising profusely. One friend has text and said that she's crying now and that she's going to be on her own for an hour whilst everyone else arrives (we were meeting an hour early as she works in the town and I was coming early to keep her company). No how am I, sorry to hear that, are you okay etc.

I literally give up. These people are so so nice and I love them but clearly they don't have a clue about MH or physical health problems. Trying not to feel guilty but I do.

If you can't go it's nothing to feel bad about.
People don't often think about living with a full time illness, too busy Mimi_ing it's ALL about their troubles.

Don’t feel guilty, your friends are being selfish. It’s fine for them to be disappointed about you not being there, but they should be supportive and understand that you’re not up to it today.

You really have nothing to feel guilty about.

She's crying?

She’s crying??? Weirdo! Yanbu.

Why is she crying she can wander around or have a drink on her own...an hour is not long!

YANBU, whatever your excuse is! Please don't take it personally.

@christmassymcchristmas & @AlwaysCheddar yep. I know. I feel so awful as I'm always there for them and go out of my way to make sure they're okay but it seems it's all about them whenever something happens with me and it's a horrid shock to actually realise that today.

@Catapillarsruletheworld Thank you so much.

@TheQueef Thank you, it's so hard! I'm used to dealing with the MH issues now and have protocol in place when that gets bad but the physical pain daily is new to me and so awful.

One friend has text and said that she's crying now and that she's going to be on her own for an hour whilst everyone else arrives

Fucking hell, she's got problems

Sorry you're not feeling up to it, OP. Ignore drama-lama 'friend'.

These people are so so nice and I love them but clearly they don't have a clue about MH or physical health problems.

There not nice though are they? Nice friends would ask how you are.

Stop going above and beyond for them.

You are absolutely not in the wrong. As for your “crying friend”-what an immature cry-baby she must be! Don’t waste a second of your time worrying about her. Think of yourself and do whatever you need to, to make yourself more comfortable today.

What an absolute dick, she can sit at work in the staff room if she's that scared.

What I'd give to be sat alone in the pub for an hour!

I’d do anything for an hour alone! She’s crying? She needs to grow up. You have to do what’s best for you sometimes

Maybe the crying face is because she is crying for you not herself? Texts are confusing.

What I'd give to be sat alone in the pub for an hour!

Also my first thought!!

OP - these are selfish, self-absorbed people. Her reaction is ludicrous and YANBU.

I’d do anything for an hour alone!

Me too.

I'd be having a party for one - not crying

@PlanDeRaccordement No she literally text 'I'm crying now'

Thank you guys, I knew mumsnet would cheer me up, it's refreshing to know that there are still people out there that understand health problems

She's crying and she's judgmental of your mental health?
She needs to get a grip.

Perhaps she also has her own problems which mean being alone like that for an hour is an issue for her?

That’s not to say that the op isn’t right to have cancelled or to be a bit miffed at the reply but let’s not all jump to assume that such a reaction wasn’t for a reason too

I'd reply with
"Awww we can cry together.... at least until my painkillers finally kick in"

But I'm a snarky twat.

It's completely up to you how you want to reply to that and it seems from your op that you choose to take the path of least resistance and just not mention what you are dealing with and how you feel, but what she said is not okay and it needs calling out. I would tell her that her reply was very selfish with no regards for you and your feelings. You may not talk about your mental and physical health problems often but a little bit of empathy and support wouldn't go amiss. She/They are supposed to be your friends after all.

@PanicAndRun haha I like that, not ballsy enough to send it though!

@Sirzy Trust me, she doesn't. She talks non stop about herself and her life and I know literally everything (sometimes too much!).

@MrsL2016 You're so right, I do really need to say something and the first thing I thought when I saw the reply was how selfish!

I just hate rocking the boat and prefer to fly under the radar with no arguments as she's the alpha of our friendship group.

Trust me, she doesn't. She talks non stop about herself and her life and I know literally everything (sometimes too much!). No matter how well you knopw her, you can't be sure you know everything. The fact you said you were arriving early "to keep her company" suggests she is anxious about waiting for someone in a public place.

Hmm the crying thing is weird. And if you have to cancel and you don’t usually then YANBU for that but had she already left her house because I’d be annoyed that you hadn’t cancelled earlier.