Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to face Christmas effecting everything

37 replies

Patchworkquilt24 · 07/12/2019 12:31

I just don't want to do Christmas this year. I'm really struggling with my mental health, every day is relative torture anyway. My family are all arguing, there's conflict everywhere I turn.
But not wanting to do it is effecting everything. People everywhere are celebrating and preparing and excited and I couldn't care less about it. I really try and pretend to work colleagues etc that I'm excited and try and make up things about buying presents/food/decorations when in reality I've not got a single decoration up. Massive argument with DH this morning because I've said I don't really want anything to do with Christmas and I don't want to have to tell him what I want because it doesn't make me feel special. I feel so sad now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Patchworkquilt24 · 07/12/2019 13:04

Does anyone else feel like this? Maybe it's just me.

OP posts:
EdHelpPls · 07/12/2019 13:14

I’d happily not do Christmas the traditional way.
If I could I’d be away somewhere with people I care about and can relax with.
I’m trying to find a compromise as I have small children.

ParkheadParadise · 07/12/2019 13:22

I hate Christmas.
The year my Dd died (oct) I gave birth to Dd2 in (dec). Christmas was just awful we didn't celebrate or have any decoration up. Now dd2 is (4) I have to put on a happy face for her.
I find Christmas so sad now I hate it.
Wish I could go to sleep and wake up in January.
Do you have children?

Orangeblossom78 · 07/12/2019 13:25

I am feeling like this and also having arguments with DH over family expectations. I might just do the basics any more he can do.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 07/12/2019 13:29

It depends. I mean if you have DC you have to fake it till you make it. You really do.

And if you don't well there's no reason you have to celebrate and your dh can make his own plans.

wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 07/12/2019 13:29

This is the second Christmas since I lost my partner and I'm not feeling it.

Flowers to you and everyone else who would is waiting for it to be over.

Butchyrestingface · 07/12/2019 13:32

Do you have kids?

I feel this way, but my immediate family are dead and I don’t have kids. Since I get invited to relatives on Xmas day who do have kids, I have to pretend.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 07/12/2019 15:24

I'm really struggling this year too, I can feel my mental health spiralling and I just can't seem to get out of the pit I'm in. I'm trying to not let it affect the kids, I've just sent dp out with Ds and lied about having an ear infection so I don't have to make myself go out. That in itself is becoming an issue as I'm tending to only leave the house at weekends now. And if I can wriggle out if that I will.

So far I've ordered presents and paid extra for gift wrapping, the decorations are up. I put them up dead early and broke it down into small tasks as I'm just so overwhelmed. Christmas dinner will be pre prepared and we'll manage as I can't allow the way I'm feeling to affect the DC.

I keep waiting for the Christmas itch to kick in but I just feel numb, If it wasn't for the DC I'd gladly sleep the day away tbh. But I think not doing anything at all will just make me feel worse. So I'm going to crack on with it.

Orangeblossom78 · 07/12/2019 16:19

I would love to go on a retreat or something away from everyone. Have people coming before and after Christmas. as well. I am going to imagine myself inside a bubble and try and get through without drinking too much. We have a very sick family member and I am NC with some family. Not easy at all. Plus DC so trying to pretend all is fine

Mydogmylife · 07/12/2019 16:44

It's five years since my dad died on Christmas night / Boxing Day morning, and for some reason it's really affecting me this year .......... Just cannot be bothered and I used to love Christmas, trying to grit my teeth and get through it so I don't spoil it for anyone else. You're not lon op

Mydogmylife · 07/12/2019 16:45

*alone ffs!!!

SunsetBoulevard3 · 07/12/2019 16:50

I just hate it all now. I used to love it. I have to buy all the presents and do all the food more or less every year. We don't have any family to visit they all come to us. I find it such a strain and I dread it. I don't even want to put the tree up. I wish it was all over.

Thedonkeyhouse · 07/12/2019 16:52

I think there is nothing less fun then enforced 'fun'.

I know an elderly lady in her 80s and we were speaking about this the other day. She was saying that she was appalled by the adverts on TV about Christmas because the celebration has spiralled out of control since she was young - and she feels it puts too much pressure on people to have the 'perfect' Christmas.

You even hear that in adverts 'have the Perfect Christmas'.

It's bad enough for people who are doing OK, it's even worse for people who are having a difficult time.

It's made me think and I'm scaling my expectations way back this year.

I'm sorry things are hard for you OP. I wish for better things for you.

queenofttheyorkies · 07/12/2019 16:57

Me either I usually love Christmas but just can't bring myself to get into the spirit this year . Currently not talking to any of my family which I keep saying isn't bothering me but it is because we usually have massive family Christmases and I'm worrying this ear it will be crap for my kids because essentially it's just another day at home with mum and dad but with presents thrown in . If happily put my decorations back up in the loft and not do it this year .

FoamingAtTheUterus · 07/12/2019 17:02

QueenOfTheYorkies try and plan your day, so a walk to the park at some point on Christmas day. It will be empty so you'll probably have it.to.yourself and boxing day cinema with lunch out. We do this every year........also do late night cinema on Christmas Eve and the kids carry on like I've won the lottery because I let them have full priced snacks from the cinema instead of sneaking my own in 😂😂😂 Then we watch the fireworks on the walk home.

TooManyPaws · 07/12/2019 17:02

I live on my own with my closest family in the USA and used to get invited to Christmas with people as "you can't be alone at Christmas!". Actually, I love Christmas without all the fuss and enforced jollity though I will probably put some decorations up if I can get the sitting room sorted. We're having a work team lunch but that's only five of us, and a supper round at friends with only four of us; that's copable.

Long lie in new pajamas, sofa day with great food and champagne, no company but the dogs and cats - that's what makes a perfect Christmas for me and keeps my mental health stable.

Outsomnia · 07/12/2019 17:10

That's tough @Mydogmylife. My deepest sympathy.

Mum died this day last year, so you can imagine how I'm feeling today.

Anyway, best thing to do is just do your own thing. I announced a few years ago that NO I am not visiting anyone for Christmas Dinner and am not hosting either.

Shocked looks all round, but fk it, it is my life and I will not conform to people's expectations for one day. We are a close and loving family BTW just to mention!

What about me and what I want?

To be fair we have reached a compromise,

So Christmas morning we rotate a fizz and nibbles get together for an hour or two. Great fun, and then go enjoy our Christmas Day as we wish.

Oliversmumsarmy · 07/12/2019 17:15

People everywhere are celebrating and preparing and excited and I couldn't care less about it

You are not the only one.

I try to avoid it by booking a holiday and flying out on Christmas morning

I had the perfect Christmas Day last year. Stranded in an airport because we had missed the connection.

Wish we were going somewhere this year.

Dp is already planning where the tree is going.
It leaves me cold

Outsomnia · 07/12/2019 17:24

False jollity where we must partake whether we want to or not, is one of my principal reasons for disliking Christmas. Oh and being stuck in someone else's house for hours on end is another trial. But I don't do that anymore now. Yippee.

It is all over end of Boxing Day really. And back to the normality of bitching and moaning and LIFE as we know it really.

What a load of bollix it is. But for those with young kids the magic is special all the same, not knocking that at all. Just the adults who should know better!

Twinklelikethechristmastree · 07/12/2019 17:25

Hi op yes I know how you feel. It's been a horrible year health wise. We haven't got our tree up yet, or even done any Christmas shopping. My dh has been all day with a 'headache'. It's just pretty crap if I am honest.

Original poster
Patchworkquilt24 · 07/12/2019 17:27

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Patchworkquilt24 · 07/12/2019 17:28

No, I don't have children but I wish that I did. Although obviously I worry mental health wise, I know that if you have children you really have to put on a brave face and pretend that you're enjoying it and that everything is okay. I admire people that have to do that, it's very strong of you.

OP posts:
BaubleTheLumpOfCoal · 07/12/2019 17:30

Second Christmas since my mum died (August) and I'm struggling lots this year.

Last Christmas wasn't even Christmas. No decorations, no Christmas dinner. DD wasn't old enough to understand Santa so I gave her presents in the morning and just had a completely normal day apart from that.

This year she understands and I've been pushing myself to do a full OTT Christmas just like my mum did.
Honestly it's so difficult, but I refuse to be sad round DD because the last thing I want is for her to associate Christmas with mum being sad.

Taking things day by day and my lovely MiL is hosting this year so that's one less stress.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2019 17:38

People everywhere are celebrating and preparing and excited and I couldn't care less about it

Or is that your perception? Not one bloke in my office has mentioned Christmas or done a thing. About half the women do/have. That leaves a lot of people not bothering. Hang out with them!

PumpkinPie2016 · 07/12/2019 17:47

Sorry to hear you at having a tough time Flowers

Since you don't have children, can you and your husband not just have a low key time?

Just make something nice to eat - not necessarily the traditional dinner but just whatever you fancy. Watch films or whatever you want.

I do think there is too much pressure these days to have a 'perfect christmas' and that can be quite hard to achieve which leaves people feeling low .