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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was IBU here?

34 replies

ziggiestardust · 07/12/2019 12:23

Bit of an odd one... We’ve been living in this house for 3 years now, for context.

On Thursday night I was home alone as DH was on call at work and had been called in to sort out a problem. It was around 9pm and the door went; I opened it because I was waiting on an Amazon parcel and it said it would delivery by 10pm, so I was fairly confident that’s what it was. However, upon opening the door there was a middle aged lady, mid 50s perhaps (this is relevant later on) standing at my door. I asked if I could help and she asked if she could speak to her brother. I said I was sorry, but we didn’t know her. She said ‘this is x Drive right?’ And I said that it was, but that her brother didn’t live here and she must be mistaken. She was quite insistent that he lived there. I assured her he didn’t, said sorry and closed the door. About 20 minutes later DH came back home, and I was just explaining to him about the lady and how odd it was when there was an insistent banging at the door (we have a lit up doorbell that works and is very prominent, so the banging was a bit of a weird choice).

This time, DH accompanied me to the door although I was sure it was my Amazon package. It wasn’t. This time, the same lady was back... accompanied by a man we didn’t recognise (we know our neighbours for about 4 doors each side on both sides). He said ‘this lady is trying to find her brother and says he lives here, please let her in to speak to him.’ DH said that this lady definitely wasn’t anyone’s sister, and asked for a name. The lady gave the name of the man who used to live here, who was in his late 50s at the time so it’s plausible she was his sister. We explained he had sold the house (to us) 3 years ago. DH said ‘hope that helps, sorry’ and started to close the door, and we got more protests about how did we have a forwarding address (we don’t), who did we sell the house with so they could ask them, could they just come in and check (wtf!?)

It was totally bizarre! I feel a bit bad on one hand because as I said to DH, we could have given them the info of the estate agent I guess but he says if they want to know, all that kind of stuff is available online; besides which they can’t have been that close if they didn’t even leave a forwarding address.

Should I drop a note in to the estate agent and ask them to pass on a message to the forwarding address the seller left? DH says the woman is probably not in contact with her brother for a reason, and to leave well alone.

OP posts:
HowlsMovingBungalow · 07/12/2019 12:26

I'd leave it - you don't know why they aren't in contact and frankly, it isn't your problem to clear up.
Anymore knocks on my door from either of them I would be seeking out some police advice.

AllergicToAMop · 07/12/2019 12:29

Leave it. He chose not to be in a contact with her and tbh you can probably see why since she actually wanted an entry into someone else's home...

GinDaddy · 07/12/2019 12:30

They were way too aggressive in the second instance and acted in the height of ignorance no matter how long they've waited and how urgent their cause etc.

YANBU, they were.

MinervaSaidThat · 07/12/2019 12:31

Why on earth did they want to come in to ‘check’? Check whether you had hidden him in the attic? Buried him in the patio?

I wouldn’t be letting them in.

The people who voted YABU will no doubt post telling you ‘just be kind.

Andysbestadventure · 07/12/2019 12:31

Tell the estate agent to contact the man you bought it from and advise him his sister is trying to get in touch. It leaves it in his court then, and she will be non the wiser if there is a reason he doesnt want to speak to her.

AllergicToAMop · 07/12/2019 12:34

The people who voted YABU will no doubt post telling you ‘just be kind.

Erm I might have voted wrong then? I though YABU -leave it alone, YANBU - contact estate agent with the message

DisplayPurposesOnly · 07/12/2019 12:35

Leave it.

If the woman were genuinely looking for her brother, she'd have asked for him by name the first time you spoke to her. And more than likely call round at a proper time of day.

Never give someone else's contact details to a third party without the person's permission (where the third party doesn't have an official reason). You could offer to pass on the third party's contact details (assuming you have a route to do this).

And you need a spyhole for your front door.

Original poster
ziggiestardust · 07/12/2019 12:37

You know the joke of it is, I actually have cctv at my house but because I was careless and so confident it would be the amazon bloke, I opened the door like an absolute idiot. Lesson learned there!

OP posts:
RightYesButNo · 07/12/2019 12:39

I would follow the advice from @andysbestadventure. Not only does this leave it in the seller’s court to know that his sister is looking for him, but also if there is a reason he has not been in touch with her for over three years, did not give her a forwarding address, and she is the kind of person to try to barge into someone’s home at gone 9pm at night, after refusing to listen to you the first time... he may want warning that she’s looking for him. You really have NO idea of the dynamics, and it’s definitely a very good idea to stay out of it, besides telling the estate agent so they can inform the seller for his own information.

gobbynorthernbird · 07/12/2019 12:41

I voted YABU because I think your DH is right. Leave it alone, the former resident must have had reasons to not tell his sister where he'd moved to - if the lady is really his sister at all, that is.

Goldenchildsmum · 07/12/2019 12:41

YABU to open the door without checking who it was

MoveOnTheCards · 07/12/2019 12:42

YANBU at all. She asked once, you told her he didn’t live there. She then came back ‘with back-up’(?!) and was pushy. I wouldn’t have let them in either (wtaf!).

I would maybe mention to the agent I bought from in case they are able to pass on a message but after 3 years I’d be surprised if they still have the guy’s details.

She could be anyone though and if they were close or he wanted to stay in touch I’m sure she’d be aware he’d moved and the situation wouldn’t have arisen.

vivacian · 07/12/2019 12:47

I don’t understand why you were so unkind (yes, I voted YABU Grin).

Anymore knocks on my door from either of them I would be seeking out some police advice.

What?? Why? Surely they’ll say, “er, don’t answer the door”?

Original poster
ziggiestardust · 07/12/2019 12:54

@viva can you explain what you would have done differently? We said please and thank you, apologised for her brother not being here and spoke in calm tones.

OP posts:
OverByYer · 07/12/2019 12:55

What a pair of nut jobs.

Original poster
ziggiestardust · 07/12/2019 12:56

@RightYesButNo that was my thinking; if she has been left in the dark for a reason, the guy might want a heads up she’s trying to find him.

It was quite strange though, never had anything like that before! Also the house was on the market for several weeks and had boards up outside saying ‘for sale’ and then ‘sold’ so it wasn’t a secret.

OP posts:
LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 07/12/2019 13:07

I would not have given them any more info than you did....three years and now what...she's trying to catch up on her Christmas card list??

I don't think so.

Suspicious AF and weird that she asked to come in and check!

Frenchw1fe · 07/12/2019 13:08

Years ago we had not long lived in our house and we presumably kept the same phone number( pre mobile). An old lady used to ring us regularly asking to come visit and she wasn’t happy etc.
It turned out she was parent to previous occupier and had Alzheimer’s. Their phone number was the only one she could remember.
We managed to get a message to previous occupants, as we didn’t know if lady genuinely needed help, and they were really shirty with us. The phone calls did stop though.

vivacian · 07/12/2019 13:22

viva can you explain what you would have done differently?

I think it's obvious that this would have been a distressing situation for her. Either she has a memory problem and/or has lost contact with her brother. This doesn't make her a "nutjob". I would have empathised with her, showed some curiousity. I wouldn't have closed the door on her and left her in my garden at gone 9pm on a cold and dark night. I'd have asked her if there was someone I could call for her.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 07/12/2019 13:24

If the demanding woman and man keeps knocking why should the OP hide away in her home? Surely if they continue to knock (and I hope they don't) they are trespassing and harassing the houseowner?

AllergicToAMop · 07/12/2019 13:24

@vivacian there was a man with her...

HowlsMovingBungalow · 07/12/2019 13:25

And nothing is 'obvious'. Do you know the woman personally? Hmm

RightYesButNo · 07/12/2019 13:31

@ziggiestardust I think my biggest question is, you’ve already told them he left THREE years ago, and they still want to come in Hmm. What did they think was going to happen - he’d jump out your linen closet and go, “SUR-FUCKING-PRISE!”

vivacian · 07/12/2019 13:46

And nothing is 'obvious'. Do you know the woman personally?

Good point she's either got Alzheimers, just found out that she's lost contact with her brother (or both) or she's the world's worst con artist and home invader.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 07/12/2019 14:27

Batshit behaviour = Immediate non medical diagnois of Alzheimers.