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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for the teacher not to use the word Numpty

234 replies

Susanne9176 · 07/12/2019 10:29

My son who is 6 used the word numpty and I asked him where he had heard this. He said his class teacher is using this word to describe the children when they've done something a bit silly and has called.h and other children that. Am I over reacting or is that just not ok, she is basically calling them stupid and encouraging the kids to name call

OP posts:
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 07/12/2019 16:51

I use “pickle”. Kids love it.

wafflyversatile · 07/12/2019 16:55

Even though I fail all the time I try not to call people stupid for something they've done, rather say that was a stupid thing to do. Same for mean or kind or naughty.

That said with a teacher saying numpty to a 6 year old I see it as mildly admonishing them or even sympathising for doing something silly, making a silly mistake or carelessly spilling something etc. Its pretty affectionate to my mind.

NumbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsStation · 07/12/2019 17:00

@poseysbobblehat

Our newer members of staff are the same. They also cannot manage to accept they are wrong or will mudfle through and inevitably create a mess of gargantuan proportions - sometimes manageable, sometimes not. Sometimes downright dangerous.

They seem unable to accept they can ask for help or indeed accept they are wrong without a fuss and to-do. Any form of help offers or gentle nudge that they are wrong is taken as a massive criticism and storming off and that is unhealthy.

Using the word numpty would be unthinkable to them.

Us olds tell it how it is to eachother and have done for years without harm, upset or consequence and our job was safer because of that.

BackforGood · 07/12/2019 17:00

YABVU - another who thinks you should focus on the being punched issue!

My children prefer teachers not to be totally formal. They spend a lot of time with these adults and sometimes the teacher or the kids do something silly and my kids prefer a gentle joke to diffuse the situation rather than a formal request to rectify the mistake. I guess it's similar to how I parent. By being serious it kind of makes it into a bigger deal and I think sometimes a lighter tone is more likely to result in them listening to me.

This ^ is spot on.

I'd consider it a real positive if all young children were given the chance to learn that gentle banter and using some names (which might vary geographically?) as a gentle reprimand for the behaviour whilst letting the person know they are still loved.

You would be doing your child a real disservice if they aren't given the chance to learn this.

Oakmaiden · 07/12/2019 17:02

I use Muppet or Womble.

Numpty isn't a word I would use, but most usages of it I have heard have been affectionate.

I wouldn't like Eejit - I can see that it is often used gently in England/Wales but is a bit too close to Idiot for me to be comfortable with it.

Womble is my favourite. Cos the Wombles were great.

PixieDustt · 07/12/2019 17:11

I always say to the kids if they hurt themselves 'oh you numpty what have you done' I honestly didn't see it as calling them stupid.
I think you're being a tad over sensitive.

totallyradllama · 07/12/2019 17:12

Think there are huge regional variations in how much affectionate teasing is acceptable and also in the choice of words used
(Speaking as a Yorkshire person now living in the south east)

lljkk · 07/12/2019 17:22

This reminds me I was helping out in DD's (reception? yr1?) class. DD did something slightly wrong. I called her 'Silly'. DD ran to the teacher to complain I had named-called!! Teacher told DD to ignore.

Yes DD was and still is (now an adult) a Diva. Was funny at the time.

snowybaubles · 07/12/2019 17:27

@Nanny0gg

How do you 'support and love' someone who's just knocked a drink over having just been told to be careful

That's not really a situation that require either of those things. It would be a case of 'don't worry, let's get that cleaned up' - not big deal and certainly no name calling

ItsChristmaaaaaaaaas · 07/12/2019 17:29

Numpty is someone who is loveably daft. It a when you don’t want to be mean or hurt their feelings - like saying ‘oh you are a silly billy!’.

snowybaubles · 07/12/2019 17:32

@doritosdip

How do they cope away from home (especially in the playground) where other people point out their mistake and it's expected that they deal with it without "love and support"?

They have coped just fine. It's possible to accept a mistake without having been called a numpty by a teacher. Name calling doesn't set people up to deal with making mistakes.

Not being able to laugh at yourself for a minor mistake could lead to an anxious child with perfectionist tendencies if a mild word like numpty makes them feel "put down"?

Again it's not the word, it's the act of using A word negatively.

Mild teasing (you numpty!) is not the same as a put down (you dumb cunt)

Mild teasing should not come from a teacher.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2019 17:34

Is English not your first language op? I'm assuming not, as I think anyone whose first language is English would know this is an affectionate term, a bit like calling someone silly.

Language can be very nuanced. In the U.K. numpty is not really seen as insulting someone.

Your sons bullying is not linked to the teacher saying to a kid they are a numpty, please don't conflate the two.

BackforGood · 07/12/2019 17:35

You are absolutely entitled to your opinion of course @snowybaubles, but if you look at the thread, 160 people think differently from you, against yourself and the OP who think this is a bad thing.
AIBUs usually split quite a lot This one hasn't.

snowybaubles · 07/12/2019 17:37

@BackforGood

I'm not going through the thread and counting but there are definitely others who agree with me, I'm not the only person to have said this, or similar.

Opinions are just that and everybody has one. I wouldn't be happy, other people would. That doesn't make me or anyone else right, because there is no right and wrong with an opinion.

PanicAndRun · 07/12/2019 17:39

Mild teasing should not come from a teacher.

Why not?

snowybaubles · 07/12/2019 17:40

@PanicAndRun

Because imo it isn't nice to tease people. That's all.

Nanalisa60 · 07/12/2019 17:42

Is the teacher Scottish, the word numpty is used a lot in the part of scotland that I live!! It’s not a mean word it’s a word that is used if you have done something silly!! I expect in a class of six year olds a lot of silly things happen in a day.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 07/12/2019 17:56

snowybaubles do your children go to a state school?

Smileyaxolotl1 · 07/12/2019 17:59

I think some of these names are bordering on offensive tbh. And I’m a teacher who tends to be on the anti snowflake side most of the time.
I would not be impressed if my child stated using the term ‘cheeky moo’ for example as it’s too similar to cheeky/silly cow.
And while numpty is incredibly mild I’m not sure I’d like my primary school child using it back to me.

snowybaubles · 07/12/2019 18:09

@Smileyaxolotl1

do your children go to a state school?

Yes they do, why?

Smileyaxolotl1 · 07/12/2019 18:19

snowybaubles I’m surprised you’ve not encountered problems with this sort of thing as it is very common to use this sort of language. In secondary it is probably more often when children are behaving badly and it is more clearly derogatory. ‘Being an idiot’ for example.

snowybaubles · 07/12/2019 18:24

@Smileyaxolotl1

What kind of problems will my children experience due to not having been called a numpty by their teacher or not being made fun of at home?

I have managed to raise a couple of successful, independent adults so far but if you think I am going wrong somewhere let me know so I can step in and save the smaller children.

Wait, judging by your comment...

*I think some of these names are bordering on offensive tbh. And I’m a teacher who tends to be on the anti snowflake side most of the time.
**I would not be impressed if my child stated using the term ‘cheeky moo’ for example as it’s too similar to cheeky/silly cow.
*And while numpty is incredibly mild I’m not sure I’d like my primary school child using it back to me.

...you agree that it isn't nice or necessary.

doritosdip · 07/12/2019 18:40

Mild teasing should not come from a teacher.

We'll have to agree to disagree. My kids like a less formal relationship with their teachers than I had back in the day. A little teasing when it's due appeals to them more than being told to concentrate to avoid further mistakes. They would call themselves numpties when they make a silly error as do I.

SmileEachDay · 07/12/2019 18:49

Mild teasing should not come from a teacher

I’m an English teacher. I see my KS4 classes 5 times a week. Most of my KS3 ones I see 3 tiles a week and my tutor group I see every day plus PHSE days once a term.

I have never had a single child complain or be upset at the way I manage my classes. Part of what I do is form strong positive relationships. Part of it is consistent, firm rules. Part of it is having fun together and - yes - mild teasing.

I have taught hundreds and hundreds of children. I’m very good at assessing how to deal with them individually.

What qualifies you to define the teacher/child relationship?

CallmeAngelina · 07/12/2019 18:53

Mild teasing should not come from a teacher.

WTF? Hmm Bet you're a bundle of fun to be around!