For this to be the breaking point ....

[Helpordont]

TTC 4 years
3 failed rounds of IVF this year.
We are taking a break from it because I was hurtling towards thinking suicide was an option.
Yesterday my best friend told me she was pregnant. They don't have sex often and she wasn't sure if she wanted kids. Her DH was desperate for them.
Today I have a good friends baby shower. Her IVF worked when mine failed.
I'm stood in my bathroom crying in my underwear. I sobbed all morning on my DH.
I've cried lines down my fake tan.
How the fuck do I get out the door and more importantly through this ......

Hope it went OK.
I cried all the way through a christening once.
Are you getting any counselling with the IVF? It is awful when you are desperate to conceive and the world and his wife seem to be having babies left right and centre.
I hit a point when I couldn't cope with the emotional and physical roller coaster any longer. After a long break to regroup and refocus we eventually formed our family via adoption.

I really admire you for going. That takes a lot of strength.
I only came on to say this doesn’t have to be the end of the road for you.
Take time to heal and regroup.
I have adopted relatives who are absolutely wonderful. Both older children who have fitted into our family beautifully.
Be kind to yourself and best wishes OP.

I wouldn't go and I think she will understand if you just say you were unwell so she doesn't have to feel guilty. She may even be relieved.

I just want to be a mum. I feel utterly cheated.

Hugs OP.
Come here to rant and shout and scream and cry.
Not fair 😔

I feel for you and understand the utter darkness of infertility. It is unfair and absolutely shitty. I am sorry.

You are so brave to consider a baby shower though it is okay to put your feelings ahead of everybody else. The only way I got through the years of unsuccessful TTC and fertility treatment was to just be totally selfish and think of myself. I would have totally broken if not.

I know you won't think it right now but whatever happens, in time, it will get easier. At the darkest point I never thought that could be true but it is. Kind wishes to you.

I went, smiled politely everyone commented on how nice I looked even when I was completely dying inside. I was really humbled when she cried thanking everyone. Sharing some of the pain she experienced through her journey. I felt terrible for not wanting to go and support her. But I'm at the point of not knowing how to carry on. I'm 40 next year. I understand that my chances are slim. But appreciate that I'm in the fortunate position of being able financially if not mentally able to afford it. I would give everything up to be a mum. Counselling didn't work for me. Crying on strangers from parkrun seems to be my coping mechanism of choice. I just seem to muddle through month to month.

Pain is real, but so is hope. Thanks everyone for your kind words.

Wishing you all the very best OP. I really hope things work out for you - whether that is having a baby or reaching contentment about not having one

@Helpordont - I really feel for you having seen my sister & BIL go through similar at your age (it worked out well for them in the end). Please get support to help you & your DH/DP deal with the HUGE impact of this on your lives - www.hfea.gov.uk/treatments/explore-all-treatments/getting-emotional-support/