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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a nose job even though...

45 replies

AndWhatnot · 06/12/2019 21:27

...my family and friends have told me not to?

I’ve disliked my nose for years. It has a slight bump, is a bit wonky and has a bulbous tip. When I smile the tip drops down and gives me a ‘witchy’ profile - I hate photos of myself for this reason. I’m at the point where I’ve saved enough money to have a nose job. I’ve been looking into it for years and have recently had consultations with three surgeons.

However, those closest to me are all telling me not to get it done. My mum in particular is dead against it and seems to think that if I have a nose job I’ll then be wanting more surgery. She also thinks there’s nothing wrong with my nose and she keeps saying she’ll think it will go wrong and I’ll end up with a ‘Michael Jackson’ nose. The thing is, all the consultants I’ve seen have said the work will be subtle and I’ll look like a more improved version of myself - I’m certainly not planning on going for the Michael Jackson look!

Bit of relevant context: I got divorced last year and it was an unhappy marriage, mainly due to emotional abuse from EXH. I’ve had a lot of therapy since and am in a much better place emotionally but a couple of my friends think I want a nose job because of how my ex used to put me down and criticise my looks - they think I’m getting surgery to boost my self esteem.

I don’t feel this is the case and am keen to proceed but the negative comments from my nearest and dearest are niggling at me.

AIBU to have a nose job in these circumstances? Also would be good to hear from anyone who’s had rhinoplasty and their experience of it.

Thanks!

OP posts:

APeakyBlinder · 06/12/2019 21:29

Do it! Life is too short to spend being unhappy about something you can easily resolve. I've just spent 4K fixing my teeth, one of the best decisions I've ever made!

zucchinicourgette · 06/12/2019 21:33

I’m sure your mum and your friends think you’re perfect the way you are, so they’re only thinking about the risks/possible downsides of the surgery. There’s no upside for anyone except you.

It’s your nose so go for it, if other people’s opinion is the only thing stopping you.

Rewilderness · 06/12/2019 21:34

YANBU. Your family and friends are entitled to express their concerns. You, as an adult are entitled to hear those concerns and ignore them.

You sound as if you’ve wanted this doing for a while and your reasons for doing it sound fair enough. There is no evidence whatsoever that people who have one cosmetic surgery suddenly turn into surgery addicts and end up on a never ending cycle of treatments.

DD has had her nose reshaped and it made such a difference to her confidence and her looks. She had a nose that fitted the rest of her features and that didn’t dominate her little face. She could look people in the eye afterwards, wasn’t dodging cameras and hiding her profile with her hands. Yes it was painful afterwards and uncomfortable for a fair time but so worth it for her. I say do your research, make sure you have a surgeon who has done lots of rhinoplasty ops and then go for it.

Butchyrestingface · 06/12/2019 21:36

She also thinks there’s nothing wrong with my nose and she keeps saying she’ll think it will go wrong and I’ll end up with a ‘Michael Jackson’ nose.

Doubtful. Unless you’re a zillionaire with limitless supplies of cash. Because it took far more than one operation to end up with what he did.

I’d go for it. You’re a long time dead.

dirtyrottenscoundrel · 06/12/2019 21:36

Go for it.
I’ve not had it done myself but I know 2 people who have & both were so happy with the results. As you say, not a major change but a subtle difference. But enough of a difference to make it worthwhile.

Sparklesocks · 06/12/2019 21:37

If it’s having a hugely negative impact on your life and confidence then I think you should do it. I think body image is complicated, and there are people with body dysmorphia who will never be happy with their appearance despite how many surgeries they have - but the fact is sometimes it’s just one thing about your appearance holding you back, and when you address it then it can make a massively positive impact.

I had a work colleague who had a nose job, she had a very pronounced nose and it really affected her confidence and self esteem, she wouldn’t allow herself to be photographed for work events and spent lots of money on contouring products to try and make it look smaller. Eventually she signed up for a nose job. Another colleague warned her she needed to love herself and she wouldn’t be happy until she accepted her looks...but she had the op regardless and it was a huge success. She was like a different person, instantly more confident and happier. So I think if you have the means and you’re being level headed about the decision then you should go for it.

Pooshweens · 06/12/2019 21:39

Go for it!!

DonkeyHotty · 06/12/2019 21:39

Op I’m considering having some work done to an aspect of my appearance that I hate. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. I know if I tell people they will try to dissuade me, but my conclusion is ‘fuck it, it’s my body’. It is no one else’s business what I do to it. One retort that I will have lined up is to say, fine - let’s swap then (even though we obviously can’t without the aid of major surgery ) because I’m quite certain that anyone who tries to dissuade me wouldn’t actually want this feature for themselves.

So do it and stuff ‘em.

The trouble is that there’s a lot of extreme surgery out there thanks to bonkers celebrities, but the fact is, is that good surgery is subtle and improves rather than changes.

Baxdream · 06/12/2019 21:39

I had it done but to fix a broken nose. It was the nhs.

I absolutely think you should do it! It sounds like you've thought it through.

The only thing I would say is it's painful but I'm sure you know that

BrokenLogs · 06/12/2019 21:42

I had a friend who had a subtle nose job. I honestly could barely see any difference, thought no way would I go through that pain for no real outcome...but it gave her such confidence and she loved it.

She did however then go on to have a fair amount of work done, because she saw flaws in herself everywhere.

Original poster

AndWhatnot · 06/12/2019 21:44

Thank you for the kind responses, they are really helpful.
Rewilderness it’s great your daughter is happy with her nose now, it’s reassuring to hear anecdotes like that.
As posters have pointed out, you only live once so I think I’m going to go for it.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 06/12/2019 21:45

I would go for it. That nose is on YOUR face, not theirs. I grew up with a girl who went through exactly what you are. She had a very misshapen nose and she hated it. It effected her self-esteem enormously. She got her nose job at 36 and she looks spectacular. Her only regret was in listening to other people's opinions and waiting.

Life is very, very short. Book the procedure!

itstrue · 06/12/2019 21:46

I think you should do it!!

But research your surgeon fully! I've watched a lot of botched!

Original poster

AndWhatnot · 06/12/2019 21:49

Her only regret was in listening to other people's opinions and waiting.

That is such a valid point. I’m 33 but have wanted a nose job since my early twenties; the main reason I’ve put it off for so long is because of the opinions of others.

Thank you for all the positive stories on this thread from people who have had one themselves or who know someone who has had it done - very reassuring.

OP posts:

Alicesweewonders · 06/12/2019 21:49

I felt the same about my nose for years, really effected my confidence and how I seen myself.

If I could turn back time I would've got a nose job.

Cheeseboardcriminal · 06/12/2019 21:49

I recently had major surgery on my face (double jaw surgery) and it's the best thing I have ever done. All of my friends and family said ai didn't need it too but I am so happy I have done it.

Your face is not something you can hide away or cover up. If it bothers you and you can afford it then do it.

leafyygreens · 06/12/2019 21:56

If you want to and have the money then do it!

I had one 4 years ago when I was 26 and honestly (as cliched as it sounds) my only regret is not doing it earlier.

I LOVE my nose, honestly it just makes it me happy. It’s crazy that a facial feature matters so much but I had a big wonky bumpy nose that made me depressed every time I accidentally caught a glimpse of myself in profile. Now I genuinely spend time admiring it in the morning when I’m getting ready.

What was surprising is my eyes now look huge, my best friend told me I looked like a cartoon bambi when she saw me on Skype 😂

My mum spent a lot of time tutting when I told her about my plans now talks about getting hers done lol

leafyygreens · 06/12/2019 22:00

I also now happily go to work etc with no makeup and a high ponytail, I genuinely just feel happy and at peace with my face as weird as it sounds. I used to spend loads of time getting my hair as big as possible and lots of eye make up to try and detract from it (and would feel horrified if I saw anyone I knew at the gym with my hair in a towel)

Rewilderness · 06/12/2019 22:09

The thing that shocked and surprised me was how completely different DD looked afterwards. It took me a year or so to get used to seeing her look totally unlike her old self. I really hadn’t expected it to change her entire appearance. My DM (who she saw about 4 times a week) actually walked past her in a shop a few weeks after the op and failed to recognise her.

roiseandjim · 06/12/2019 22:11

Have you looked at nose fillers/Botox? My friend had it done and it's completely changed the shape of her nose!

roiseandjim · 06/12/2019 22:12

Also- I've had my ears pinned back twice, everyone said I shouldn't but it's the best thing I've ever done

Fifipopopo · 06/12/2019 22:13

they think I’m getting surgery to boost my self esteem

That's an excellent reason to do it.

HelloIsitXmasTreeYoureLookingF · 06/12/2019 22:14

Thing I always remember about nose jobs is Jennifer Gray saying she didn't recognise herself afterwards.

It's up to you OP, if it's a minor adjustment and you've done your research don't listen to anyone else.

nicelyneurotic · 06/12/2019 22:16

Your face. Your money. Your decision.

Why hate every photo if you dont have to?

SteelRiver · 06/12/2019 22:17

I say go for it! I had mine done years ago and I don't feel self conscious about it any more. Best money I ever spent.

It's not going to fix any huge self esteem issues if there are any, but I think a nose job can really help you to feel better when you've hated your nose all your life.

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