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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him if he wants to join at Christmas?

28 replies

Cuppatea10 · 06/12/2019 15:03

Today I took my DS to his barbers. It's his dads (my ex) barber too. Well he seemed lovely and really good looking! He asked what my arrangement was for Christmas as he knows me and ex aren't together. I said I have my DS for Christmas and asked his. He said he was alone with his 2 DS this year. Said it was ok but would be hard to keep them occupied. Said he had them for boxing day too and his ex didn't want them for some reason. He didn't mention he had any gf whilst talking.
I text ex to show him DS hair and mentioned barber was going to be alone. Ex said he won't be he has a gf. I said oh he said he would be alone. Not sure if ex is lying as I know he got funny before when a guy he knew added me on social media. Me and this guy didn't talk but he still weren't happy about it so makes me wonder if he is lyi g about barber. I was going to give this barber my number and give him an invite to the pub we go to on Christmas day if he was going to be alone.
Would I be unreasonable or would I look stupid/a bit much for doing that? Also what my ex said puts me off but the barber never mentioned it??

OP posts:
CrashDiet · 06/12/2019 15:08

I think it'd be weird (look a bit desperate?) to do it now after the event.

In the moment you should've said 'Why don't we get together and take the kids to the park on Xmas afternoon to get us both out of the house then? Here's my number, let me know what you think'.

That'd have been very casual and friendly but now it looks like you've been thinking about it and planning it and it looks a bit desperate. Sorry OP

CrashDiet · 06/12/2019 15:11

Also, I feel very uncomfortable about you kind of rescuing him from looking after his own children.

Yes it'll be hard for him to entertain them over Xmas but he's their father, it's his job

mauvaisereputation · 06/12/2019 15:17

I think a date (? I assume) on Christmas Day is high stakes tbh. I think your DS might not enjoy going to the pub with his barber and his kids who none of you have met - not a great Xmas tbh. Just take your son for another haircut soon and ask the barber out then.

Original poster
Cuppatea10 · 06/12/2019 15:19

Not saying it's a date I just felt a bit sorry for him as he didn't seem happy about being alone

OP posts:
mauvaisereputation · 06/12/2019 15:21

I think it will be perceived as romantically intended. I wouldn't, honestly.

ShetlandWife · 06/12/2019 15:22

He may well have a girlfriend and still be alone for Xmas - she might be going home to family, and he has his children.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking, but I'd only do it if it was to offer a hand of friendship and nothing more - you don't have a first date with the kids in tow on Xmas day!

ShetlandWife · 06/12/2019 15:24

Is the pub a place where people would take their kids on their own on Xmas day?

If so, then instead of inviting him to join you, you could just suggest it as an option for him if he finds his children are getting fed up, explain what it's like there on Xmas, and that you go yourself.

Clymene · 06/12/2019 15:25

Why don't you find a woman on her own with her kids on Christmas Day if you don't mean it romantically? I'm sure plenty would like a bit of company

AryaStarkWolf · 06/12/2019 15:25

Why would you tell your ex about it anyway? And I don't believe you wouldn't be seeing it as a date otherwise why mention the fact that he's good looking :p Come on OP Grin

Lllot5 · 06/12/2019 15:27

Keep your ds away from strange men.
He only knows him as his barber no need to meet up with him on Christmas Day.
Don’t believe it’s just because you’re both on your own it’s because you fancy him.

Original poster
Cuppatea10 · 06/12/2019 15:38

He isn't a strange man. And it actually wasn't my suggestion. Someone said to me to ask him and I said won't I look a bit crazy? So thought I'd ask on here. General jist yes I would look crazy! Lol

OP posts:
Hahaha88 · 06/12/2019 15:43

I mean a man you only see when you son has his hair cut is a strange man. You obviously fancy him otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned his looks. Please don't fish for a new partner on xmas day!

KellyHall · 06/12/2019 15:45

It would be a bit odd after the chat where it waz relevant.

But if he's that good-looking and you get on well, why don't you ask if he has a gf (while your dc aren't around to get embarrassed). If not, ask him out and maybe you'll all spend next Christmas together Xmas Wink

PsychosonicCindy · 06/12/2019 15:46

He's probably given this sob story to every single woman with a child that's been in the salon! Angling to be invited to Christmas dinner his kids will be occupied playing with other kids, a woman will be there, he can put his feet up and get a free feed! Sorted!

KellyHall · 06/12/2019 15:46

*was, not waz Confused

Elieza · 06/12/2019 15:49

I’d leave it til January and see if you still like him! Christmas can bring out all sorts of emotions in everyone!

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2019 15:51

He's probably given this sob story to every single woman with a child that's been in the salon! Angling to be invited to Christmas dinner his kids will be occupied playing with other kids, a woman will be there, he can put his feet up and get a free feed! Sorted!

That ^^ wasn't my first thought. My first thought was that he'll probably love having his kids all to himself at Christmas.

But since the OP has said he didn't sound pleased about it, I'm going with your first thought PsychosonicCindy.

OP, as a PP said, could well have a girlfriend who is visiting her family at Christmas, or perhaps staying home with her own kids if it's too early in their relationship to make introductions.

MinervaSaidThat · 06/12/2019 15:55

Just ask! Sounds like he was hinting!

If he says no you don’t have to go back there.

Clymene · 06/12/2019 15:58

@PsychosonicCindy has it.

afterme · 06/12/2019 16:01

It’s a bit much on Christmas Day. Leave it till 2020.

Original poster
Cuppatea10 · 06/12/2019 16:09

Yea I thought maybe too much when this person suggested it but they were like no I don't think so. Maybe I'll wait till the new year to book my son in for another hair cut and ask then

OP posts:
StrayWoman · 06/12/2019 16:43

You want to invite the hot barber that you've only met once to Xmas day?

Lllot5 · 06/12/2019 16:45

Keep your ds out of it. Wholly inappropriate in my view. If you want to go on a date with him then phone the shop or go in there.

OrangeZog · 06/12/2019 16:45

Surely you want to spend Christmas Day enjoying the company of your DC not having to make conversation with a stranger? Unless you fancy him and are prioritising that over your own child.

BercowsFestiveFlamingo · 06/12/2019 20:56

Good god. No one would do this surely? Kids don't get bored on Christmas Day with all their new stuff to play with ffs. If he can't entertain his kids for two days over Christmas and Boxing Day it doesn't bode well for what kind of dad he is. Well the fact he's hinting to join a stranger and her son for Christmas speaks volumes as to what kind of person he is. A cheeky fucker with no boundaries and no consideration for his kids. He's hoping to get fed and his leg over. I'm sure you can do better OP. Chalk the thought up the temporary insanity caused by lust. I've suffered this myself. It's not good.