My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Controlling?

27 replies

Gymbud · 06/12/2019 12:20

I was at the gym yesterday with my DP, the personal trainer walked past me, said hello, I said hi, DP went mad at me because i apparently flicked my hair and smiled whilst I said hi and that means I was trying to flirt with him.
I touch my hair a lot, it's long and it was in my face as I usually have a hair tie on my wrist for the gym but I'd forgotten it so I was moving it back not flicking it in a flirtatious way!
I hardly ever talk to or make eye contact with the opposite sex because I'm frightened of him flipping out.
Today at the gym the PT tried to make eye contact to say hi, out my head down and ignored him even though my DP wasnt there and I realised that it's not ok for him to make me feel this way is it?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

88 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
3%
You are NOT being unreasonable
97%
Gymbud · 06/12/2019 12:20

I meant to put this in relationships Crown Confused

OP posts:
EL8888 · 06/12/2019 12:21

Your DP needs to chill out. Is he always like this when you take to other people? (men)

EKGEMS · 06/12/2019 12:24

If you have to change your normal behavior because he is jealous,insecure and controlling then it's a serious,ominous sign that you need to seek help and leave him when you can do so safely. Rarely does an abusive controller only behave this way in one area of your life

Gymbud · 06/12/2019 12:57

Yes he always accuses me of smiling at people!! I used to smile at everyone man or woman, now I always out my head down and avoid eye contact just in case he thinks I'm flirting.
The thing is recently our relationship has been shit, we've not been getting on so things like this I tend to just try to avoid because its yet another argument to have

OP posts:
user1494670108 · 06/12/2019 12:58

It's definitely not ok, but i think you know that

blackteasplease · 06/12/2019 12:58

Incredibly controlling. I wouldn’t think this is a good relationship l.

Does he go mad at you in other ways? Not that this would be ok if not!

toomuchtooold · 06/12/2019 13:05

Oh god love, no. Get the hell out of there, it'll only get worse.

LunarCrane · 06/12/2019 13:07

It's time to leave. Do you live together? Do you have somewhere safe to go?

cakeandchampagne · 06/12/2019 13:08

If you have to try to avoid normal things and have to worry about him “flipping out”, it is a bad relationship.

Batqueen · 06/12/2019 13:10

Smiling at people is normal social interaction!

Flipping out at your supposed ‘d’p is not.

Run

FudgeBrownie2019 · 06/12/2019 13:10

He's not going to stop. He's going to continue chipping away at you til you stop doing anything with anyone because that'll be the only way you can stop him going mad. And even then, he'll invent stuff you've done wrong just so he can pick a fight.

The issue isn't you. Nothing you've done or said will fix this or make it worse; he is who he is and nothing you can do will fix him. You know you need to leave. You know you need to escape. Please, please listen to the people who'll comment on this thread and take their advice.

KnightandDay · 06/12/2019 13:11

Get out!

IdblowJonSnow · 06/12/2019 13:18

Yanbu. But yabu to stay with him! Please LTB asap.

MustardScreams · 06/12/2019 13:21

Be is abusive.

You should not stay with someone like this, it will only escalate. Please leave.

MustardScreams · 06/12/2019 13:21

*He

Justmuddlingalong · 06/12/2019 13:22

The drip, dripping of controlling behaviour starts subtly. You are already changing your behaviour to pacify him. It will get worse until you are a shadow of your former self.

fuzzymoon · 06/12/2019 13:22

This is unite worrying and I think you're starting to realise this.
Please don't let this continue.

Gymbud · 06/12/2019 13:54

The thing is,when things are good they're great, we can tell each other if we think someones hot etc..and it's not taken in a bad way because theres trust or so I thought.
But because I'm quiet anyway i dont tend to talk to someone unless i know them if that makes sense, however it's always been like this if it's a man I talk to so usually I just dont talk to men unless its family or his friends..I dont have any Male friends of my own even though I find I get along with men so much better than women

OP posts:
Gymbud · 06/12/2019 13:56

Plus I haven't worked in a couple of years because of my children and he has gone much worse now that I'm out of the house more.
We have a high needs son so this kept me home a lot, but now all dc are in school I have time and im studying in order to hey back to work and I dont think hes happy about it deep down

OP posts:
Batqueen · 06/12/2019 14:04

So now you are starting to get some independence he is getting more controlling whereas before you haven’t been very independent so he didn’t feel the ‘need’ to dominate you so much?

I repeat, get out of there!

Decidewhattobeandgobeit · 06/12/2019 14:25

Get out. Not normal. So sorry this is happening to you. Leave

Dragongirl10 · 06/12/2019 14:27

Horribly controlling bullying behaviour, and you sound scared of him. This is not a healthy relationship.

Gymbud · 06/12/2019 14:48

I cant get out of it..neither of us have enough money to move out. We have dc who I dont want to upset as we have come so so far with them this would send my sons behaviour spiralling backwards.
We've been on the rocks for years if I'm honest...just carried on as normal.
He goes mad when a guy looks at me..they could just be generally looking in my direction or because they recognise me or not even actually looking at me etc..but I'll get the blame always. He then apologises for those ones because he says he realises it's not my fault but he thinks I'm beautiful so obviously in his head other men must do tooConfused

OP posts:
Gymbud · 06/12/2019 14:49

I'm not afraid of him per se, hes not violent but he sulks and then we have an argument and I'm exhausted by the whole thing

OP posts:
BanginChoons · 06/12/2019 14:53

Abusive people tend to not be horrible all the time. They reel you back in by being nice and then the cycle continues.

Controlling?
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.