Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my DH a bit of an antisocial old twat?

31 replies

frostedviolets · 05/12/2019 21:30

Been together more than 10 years.

Usually go to bed together which I relish, it's nice and calm without the kids, quiet, we can have a lovely cuddle, quick cosy chat, lovely.

He's not that bothered though, apparently he likes 'alone time', he'd often rather sit downstairs, alone, watching NFL or Madam Secretary drinking coke and eating junk food.

Sad

Who is BU here?

Let voting commence!

OP posts:
PrittSticky · 05/12/2019 21:31

He’s clearly an introvert. Some people need time alone to recharge. There’s nothing unreasonable about that.

PrittSticky · 05/12/2019 21:32

You say you ‘usually’ have your time in bed together which you like.

Why can’t he do what he likes some of the time?

Does it have to be your way all of the time?

Leaannb · 05/12/2019 21:33

If he usually goes to bed with you and only occasionally stays up doing his own thing then you are being extremely unreasonable and controlling. Give the guy a chance to unwind and recharge

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 05/12/2019 21:33

Why wouldn’t you watch tv together?

ViaSacra · 05/12/2019 21:34

I’m an introvert. I 100% need my alone time.

It certainly doesn’t make me anti-social - it allows me to be social as I can recharge myself first.

My marriage certainly wouldn’t have lasted if my husband objected to me spending time by myself...

Thehop · 05/12/2019 21:38

I like my alone time. Sorry, I’m with your dh

Maybe compromise? Have a few nights each?

Original poster
frostedviolets · 05/12/2019 21:38

He’s clearly an introvert

Nope, not all, he is super confident 😂

Also, in case it wasn't obvious, which judging by the comments it apparently isn't, it was a light hearted post, I'm not controlling at all, don't give him a hard time over coming to bed or not or anything

OP posts:
IndecentFeminist · 05/12/2019 21:40

You can be confident and an introvert, the two aren't mutually exclusive!

user1493494961 · 05/12/2019 21:40

We go to bed when we each feel like it, we don't wait for each other, that would drive me mad.

ViaSacra · 05/12/2019 21:41

Nope, not all, he is super confident

Introversion is nothing to do with how confident you are. It's about how you recharge yourself.

When you have had a hard day, do you prefer to relax by spending time with other people and socialising? If so, you're an extrovert.

If you prefer to relax alone, reading or watching TV, then you're an introvert.

I am an extremely confident person, but at the end of the day, I want to sit alone and read a book.

ViaSacra · 05/12/2019 21:43

*extravert

ysmaem · 05/12/2019 21:45

I think you're being a little unreasonable. Hardly doing anything wrong having a little time to himself. We all need some. Why not join him on the sofa and watch crap with him, you might enjoy it. Relationship is all about compromise.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 05/12/2019 21:46

I'm the one who stays up later here.
I love that time to myself and I'm a night owl.

Original poster
frostedviolets · 05/12/2019 21:55

Hardly doing anything wrong having a little time to himself. We all need some. Why not join him on the sofa and watch crap with him, you might enjoy it. Relationship is all about compromise

It was a light hearted post.

I don't give him a hard time or anything for wanting to stay downstairs.

I do feel a bit sad though when it happens because I love that couple time together in bed but I never berate him about it or anything!

We do watch TV together of an evening then the majority of the time go to bed together.

DH is extremely pleased the poll is largely in his favour!

OP posts:
Paddy1234 · 05/12/2019 22:00

Sorry I enjoy alone time every night - not all night but at least an hour ❤️
I am with your husband on this

PonderTweek · 05/12/2019 22:11

Mine built a man cave in our garage and he sits there for hours playing flight simulator and eating apple pies. Xmas GrinI sometimes wish we'd go to bed together but I can see how much he's enjoying himself and it's really therapeutic for him. I sometimes go down with him and play on my phone or lift weights just so we're in the same room and he quite likes it too. I think there's nothing wrong with having me time. I like sitting in the lounge by myself and reading the news or learning to play guitar. I love my husband but sometimes it's nice to just be alone. Xmas Wink

MsRomanoff · 05/12/2019 22:15

God, I couldnt cope not having regulat alone time. I get up early to have some. A quiet coffee in peace and come to bed before dp to get it.

Confidence and being an introvert arenr always connected. I am outwardly confident but need time alone.

gamerchick · 05/12/2019 22:17

Light hearted posts don't have sad smiley faces Wink

I couldn't bare going to bed at the same time when I wanted to stop up. I have my own bedroom though, I don't do sleeping next to another adult. I'm not about to change. I need my alone time like I do breathing.

So it's pretty obvious how I voted Grin

TowerRingInferno · 05/12/2019 22:19

I need an hour of alone time (min) each day, more if I’ve spent the day being sociable. I get very tetchy if I don’t have this and usually stay up after everyone else has gone to bed.

Pinkandgreenfloral · 05/12/2019 22:41

Madame Secretary is great TV series, in his defence

CherryPlum · 05/12/2019 22:44

I love love love time alone, YABU.

Being an introvert is nothing to do with lack of confidence.

BlueEyedFloozy · 05/12/2019 22:47

I'm another who needs alone time each day - I'm an introvert. Outwardly I'm confident and sociable but internally I find dealing with other people mentally exhausting and have been on the verge of shutting down at the end of a long day.

My kids wake at 6am and I'm at work all day so my recharge and de-stress time is at night when DH goes to bed.

AutumnRose1 · 05/12/2019 22:50

Ooh, love Madam Secretary

He needs his alone time. I’m single because it turns out I need to be alone 24/7 😂

CeCeLaine66 · 05/12/2019 22:52

Yep, totally with you there gamer chick! We have our own bedrooms I can no longer share my bed or room with anyone, Dh included.

We are on totally different timetables re watching tv, bedtimes and sleep patterns etc. I Need my own space (a lot) and dh has accepted that its good for both of us as we each do our own thing without pissing the other one off.

AuntieDolly · 05/12/2019 23:00

You should get a prize for that thread title Wink