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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did I mess colleague around?

34 replies

binnn · 05/12/2019 19:21

Yesterday colleague rang me asking if I wanted to grab a drink at 7 pm before going to a work event. I reluctantly said sure ( I wanted to have plenty of time to travel without time pressure). It takes about 1hr 30 mins to get to Manchester from my house, this colleague is based there.

At around 5 I was pulled into an emergency meeting. I texted colleague and told her to make her own way to event/have a drink without me. My colleague insisted we had plenty of time and to continue with the plan but at a slightly later time. As I got on the train I rang colleague and gave my estimated ETA.

During the journey, I texted my colleague that the train was delayed due to signal failure. I once again apologised and said suggested she make her own way to the event. At this point she tells me (via text) she needs to use my phone to ring our other colleague to get explicit directions.

As I make my way to the event space I tell my colleague that my phone is also dying and that I was 5 mins away from train station. No response.

I walk past our meeting spot (slightly late) and do not see her. Decide to make my way to the event.

When I get there I don't see my colleague but charge my phone and try to contact her - no luck - realise her phone has died. I ask the other colleague to also keep ringing her.

On my way home I get quite a passive-aggressive text where she tells me she went home as she got tired of waiting in the cold. Was I in the wrong?

The colleague had the address and the colleague who was already at the event told me she had told her she was familiar with the street/area.

OP posts:
binnn · 05/12/2019 19:22

Communication was clearly awful but I was having a journey from hell. Simultaneously doing makeup and dealing with childminder problems.

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binnn · 05/12/2019 19:23

This person is 20 years older than me.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 05/12/2019 19:25

The colleagues age is irrelevant. She wanted to meet up with you more than she wanted to go to the work event. You didn't show so she went home. Such is life.

KellyHall · 05/12/2019 19:27

She's being a baby and over-reacting. You did what you could so don't worry about it.

FuckoffAlexa · 05/12/2019 19:29

Maybe she's doesn't like arriving alone. Personally I think you gave her plenty of notice keeping her up to date with your arrival plans but I know some people hate the thought of arriving without someone else with them.

Chickychoccyegg · 05/12/2019 19:31

you done all you could, she was silly going home instead of to the event

binnn · 05/12/2019 19:33

The building where the event space is held is notoriously tricky to find. Not sure why colleague didn't use her battery to ring our other colleague/reception of the event space/use google maps.

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pasturesgreen · 05/12/2019 19:34

Pre-event drinks should have been cancelled when you first contacted colleague to tell her you were stuck in a meeting, she insisted on going ahead, so I'd say though luck. YANBU.

JingsMahBucket · 05/12/2019 19:36

YANBU and you did well keeping her informed. Her angry feelings are not your fault.

binnn · 05/12/2019 19:36

I told the other colleague I was concerned but she told me our colleague was a big girl and didn't seem to care. I even excused myself from the event itself to ring her.

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puds11 · 05/12/2019 19:39

She sounds precious. You gave her the facts, she chose to ignore them.

SweetAsSpice · 05/12/2019 19:41

Nope, you tried to cancel the moment you became delayed, and she insisted you keep the plans. She then can’t be pissed off with you that you were, delayed! YANBU

SweetAsSpice · 05/12/2019 19:42

Random comma there Blush

Saddler · 05/12/2019 19:44

One of these weirdos who can't do anything independently - tough luck wouldn't give it a second thought

MinervaSaidThat · 05/12/2019 19:46

Your communication was great, you kept her updated. Font take blame for this.

PepePig · 05/12/2019 19:48

Was fully prepared to say YABU but you were transparent the entire time. Although sometimes some people are anxious about arriving somewhere alone, she should have had a contingency plan: google searched where the event was, a fully charged phone & reached out to another contact as soon as it was clear you were running late.

I totally get sometimes it's easier to cling onto someone when going into an unfamiliar situation, but it's not always possible. Life happens. She needs to start standing on her own feet.

7thlevelofthecandycaneforest · 05/12/2019 19:48

Sounds a nightmare. Both of you need power banks.

binnn · 05/12/2019 19:51

I accidentally left my phone camera on which drained my battery

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andpancakesforbreakfast · 05/12/2019 20:03

counting on someone who is 1h30 away when you are local was silly anyway.

You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault her phone was out of battery!
but she told me our colleague was a big girl and didn't seem to care. Your other colleague is absolutely right.

CAG12 · 05/12/2019 20:08

I think she probably just didnt want to arrive alone - I cant think of any other reason in this scenario that someone would make the effort to go out for a drink then go home without going to the main event.

Shes being a bit needy maybe

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/12/2019 20:10

Jesus what shit phone is that? Please let us know so we can all cross it off our xmas wishlist

I can't decide if you're being NU or U, but on balance, I have social anxiety and have forced myself to go to many work xmas events purely to show my face and without requiring a buddy.

binnn · 05/12/2019 20:13

Samsung S10 - battery, in general, is awful. It's brand new.

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TatianaLarina · 05/12/2019 20:46

You kept her well informed, she’s weird, forget about it.

Ragwort · 05/12/2019 20:49

Your colleague sounds a wet blanket if she can’t walk into an event on her own. Actually I had similar recently, someone was trying to phone me from the reception area as she ‘couldn’t walk into the room in her own’, I was busy, engaging in the actual event with my phone on silent ... she went home Hmm. We are adult women in our 50s, sorry to sound harsh but some people are just so needy.

Sparklybaublefest · 05/12/2019 21:03

i dont think you did anything wrong, she needs to toughen up