To have emailed school?

[Greggers2017]

I know kids sometimes say things without realising the impact of what they are saying but I want peoples opinion on what happened today and if I have done the right thing.
My DD is 12 and in year 7 at secondary school. She has been being called some unkind things recently, mainly being called fat, big nose and saying things about her acne. We are working with the dermatologist about her acne and she is on medication and it has been getting a lot better. She is able to ignore the majority of this but it has obviously had a bit of an impact on her confidence and self-esteem and she says she has been reporting it to her form tutor but as it is older children from another school year she doesn't know there names so there is little that can be done.
However today, another child in her form, has been unkind to her at lunch and told her to "Go and jump off a bridge and die, you fat bitch". She isn't fat, a ladies size 10 but she is 5ft 4in. She comes jogging and swimming with me and her step-sister and does street dancing twice a week.
She has been in tears this evening over it and DSD, 11 but in the same school year says she was crying at break time over it too. I don't know if we're all being too sensitive over it but I have emailed the pastoral care lead to inform him of what is going on and to ask if he will have a chat to the child involved. Did I over react?
My cousin killed himself by suicide by jumping from a bridge in February this year so I don't want our personal experience to make us act too hasty.
What's your opinions, please be honest. And any advice you can give me will be much appreciated.

I would phone and discuss this

Definitely contact school no one should ever be bullied.

They need to take this VERY seriously and do something about it straight away. Your poor DD.

I'm so sorry your DD is going through this, kids are horrid

I definitely don't think YABU, and given your family history, I think you should be cautious and ensure things like this are nipped in the bud as you can see the extremes people will resort to when they are suffering.

What a hideous cow to have said that to your DD

She deserves exclusion

@slipperywhensparticus I have put my phone number in the email for them to give me a call. It's such a big school I thought it would be quicker to send an email than to try and get hold of somebody by phone in the morning.

Definitely tell the school this is bullying plain and simple and the school should have a zero tolerance policy about it.

I’d ask for a meeting. It isn’t an isolated incident, it’s on going and persistent. I hope you can get it sorted.

YANBU, call the school so they can act to stop the bullying.

You did the right thing. I’m sorry your poor DD is going through this.
I’ve always told mine that the secondary school years are a bastard.

Gosh this sounds horrible :( Sorry I dont have any experience as my oldest hasn't even started school yet but that sounds extreme.

I remember a girl at my school who was tall and not fat but there was a (scrawny little shit of) a boy who would call her massive and fat etc. Its absolutely ridiculous and often not accurate, but bullies are insecure and nasty and can smell insecurity on others.

Very sad for your DD and I'd be taking an absolutely no tolerance line with the school while building her confidence as much as possible. Make sure you make it clear that only pathetic little twats feel the need to try and tear others down. Lots of body positivity while focusing on being healthy and comfortable with oneself.

I'm currently head of year 7. I'd want to know about this. The child would be put into detention, educated about bullying and its consequences and I'd inform parents.

YANBU at all.
Disgusting behaviour. Children can be so bloody horrible.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

I had a similar thing where my dd was cyber-bullied, being told, oh, just go kill yourself XXX - I actually brought up with the school that my cousin's child had been similarly bullied and did actually go and kill herself.

I wanted the children making these remarks to understand that sometimes people are in such a terrible place they do actually kill themselves, and they could very well and reasonably feel they had contributed, however flippantly to another person's death, and how would that make them feel? And what would the reaction of the community around them be, if their words came to light.

It's a learning opportunity. Sadly some people have to have more help to learn to be just generally halfway decent human beings.

I'm sorry your daughter is going through this. She sounds lovely. Just as she is.

You sound like a great mum, and you have absolutely done the right thing.

The only change your daughter needs to make is her resilience. People are cruel. It’s awful.

Glad you are getting her skin sorted, it will help her self confidence no end

I always say to my teens, these few years are the messy, ugly, brilliant, exciting years, get through them with a sense of humour, and know none of these little s**matter, they really don’t.

Yes email is a good idea especially if you say who you want to speak to for example head of year. That way the email explains the issue (because it's easy to get upset/flustered talking on the phone about it in my experience ) and the teacher phones you back when they've got time to discuss it properly. Also it's recorded and you've got a dated copy of you need it.

You are under-reacting. This sort of verbal bullying ramps up and more and more kids can get involved. It can literally ruin a child’s school life and leave them with long standing self esteem issues or the worse you already know...

I’d expect a prompt and detailed reply and plan of action from school to address the fact that your poor kid is being bullied!

My DD was called fat in year 5 and the school was very supportive and handled it well with the said child but also brought up the subject of bullying and comments in the assembly tonreiterate - definitely follow through and get a fitting result

Yes, please follow this through.

You sound like you're doing all the right things for your DD. Well done, and don't doubt yourself. She needs you doing what you're doing at this time.

The child who taunted her in this way today needs setting straight. In a couple of years' time, it'll be much worse coming over social media on a phone. This needs to be dealt with.

All the best for your DD. This random on the internet knows just how she's feeling. It's not easy, but she'll get there.

Please contact the school, preferably in person or on the phone. There is no justification for ever calling a woman or a young girl a bitch.

Thanks for the replies. It's reassuring to know I'm not overreacting. It's a constant worry this parenting lark. If I haven't had a response by lunchtime tomorrow I will try calling the school.

When I read the title of your post I eye rolled and assumed this was going to be an over reaction, however I was very wrong - this needs to be seriously dealt with.

I was called similar things in my first year of secondary and being honest it has impacted my whole life! Please do what you can to stop this now.

I have dc in y7 and definitely don't think you are overreacting.
You should discuss this further with the school and listen to their action plan.

Personally I wouldn’t email, I’d be up at the school first thing in the morning to speak with head teacher. Saying that to a anyone is vile. I hope you manage to get this nipped in the bud!

Go and jump off a bridge and die

teasing is part of life, and people call everything "bullying" these days.

THAT is not teasing or acceptagble. I would have been on the phone demanding to speak with the head immediately.

I wouldn't send my child to school until it was resolved - hit them where it hurts - their attendance statistics.

Absolutely fucking disgusting behaviour, what kind of parents raise these vile children?

disclaimer - I suffered bullying like this and no one did anything, it will affect me forever. If I was in charge I would make teenage bullying illegal, it would focus the minds of parents when raising their children.