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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have emailed school?

66 replies

Greggers2017 · 05/12/2019 18:24

I know kids sometimes say things without realising the impact of what they are saying but I want peoples opinion on what happened today and if I have done the right thing.
My DD is 12 and in year 7 at secondary school. She has been being called some unkind things recently, mainly being called fat, big nose and saying things about her acne. We are working with the dermatologist about her acne and she is on medication and it has been getting a lot better. She is able to ignore the majority of this but it has obviously had a bit of an impact on her confidence and self-esteem and she says she has been reporting it to her form tutor but as it is older children from another school year she doesn't know there names so there is little that can be done.
However today, another child in her form, has been unkind to her at lunch and told her to "Go and jump off a bridge and die, you fat bitch". She isn't fat, a ladies size 10 but she is 5ft 4in. She comes jogging and swimming with me and her step-sister and does street dancing twice a week.
She has been in tears this evening over it and DSD, 11 but in the same school year says she was crying at break time over it too. I don't know if we're all being too sensitive over it but I have emailed the pastoral care lead to inform him of what is going on and to ask if he will have a chat to the child involved. Did I over react?
My cousin killed himself by suicide by jumping from a bridge in February this year so I don't want our personal experience to make us act too hasty.
What's your opinions, please be honest. And any advice you can give me will be much appreciated.

OP posts:
GameSetMatch · 05/12/2019 19:02

Yes if anything you are under-reacting, your poor DD I hope this is sorted out soon, being bullied is awful.

Vulpine · 05/12/2019 19:03

Thats appalling. I'd try and get her expelled

HeatedDryer · 05/12/2019 19:04

I hope you copied the Headteacher in to your email. This needs dealing with asap. My DS Senior school (large 1000+ students) would be on this straight away and would let me know, with a phone call and follow up, what action they were taking.

my2bundles · 05/12/2019 19:05

You have done the right thing . I've found the pastoral team at my child's school to be very supportive in these issues . I would advise you also call first thing tomorrow aswell as it sometimesr takes 24 hours before emails are read.

C305 · 05/12/2019 19:07

You're definitely not overreaching and even if you get through on the phone, I'd follow it all up with emails anyway so that there's a paper trail for everything. Good luck, sounds awful for your poor daughter.

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 05/12/2019 19:08

@c305 that was my thoughts exactly. A paper trail cannot be ignored.
They have been very good when I have dealt with them previously and resolved an issue with DSD very quickly and effectively.

OP posts:
noeyedeer · 05/12/2019 19:09

YANBU. I was only a lowly primary teacher, but I'd want to know and I'd act on it. I would ring tomorrow, just so that the email gets flagged (it can take a while to get around to reading and responding) and staff have the time to come up with an action plan for Monday morning or sooner.

Kathsmum · 05/12/2019 19:10

I would turn up too. Politely and calmly ask for their bullying and safeguarding policies. Leaving it over weekend will make it much worse.
Hope everything’s ok x

Whatsername177 · 05/12/2019 19:11

There is no excuse for what the child said. Ot is bullying and she needs to be disciplined, educated and have her parents informed of what she said. However, the school need to be given a chance to sort this before you start 'hitting them where it hurts' (not to mention the fact that the school will need to speak to the ops dd to get the full story and they can't do that if she is at home.) Also, the school will not expel an 11 year old child over one incident. OP, what you have said you will do is exactly right. Email then follow up with a phone call. Ensure your dd's safety. The school will have their anti bullying policy on their website. Take a look and ensure they follow it.

carly2803 · 05/12/2019 19:15

phone tomorrow morning - emails are very easily missed

absolutely do not letthis go, what an absolute shit of a child. your poor DD

PablosHoney · 05/12/2019 19:22

Bless her little heart 💔 yes report, this is nasty bullying

ChristmasAngst · 05/12/2019 19:23

The only way to stop a bully is to stand up to them. Well done. Don't feel bad. In my experience, those parents who kick up a shit fit are the ones who get listened to.

Mrsmadevans · 05/12/2019 19:26

You did the right thing and you need to keep on with it until you have a resolution that satisfies you & your daughter. Your DD has only just started there and this must be putting her off school. Flowers

CazM2012 · 05/12/2019 19:27

You definitely are not BU I was told similar at school, and then almost did. My parents always just said let it go but bullying isn’t just in the moment, it’s the after effects that can go on for so long. Hope your daughter is ok

BlackeyedSusan · 05/12/2019 19:34

Not all children realise the impact of their words... But it is still wrong and needs dealing with by school. Some kids will only learn the hard way. Good luck.

chocolateisavegetable · 05/12/2019 19:36

You are not over-reacting, see the following re telling someone to kill themselves:

A person commits an offence under section 2 of the Suicide Act 1961 if he or she does an act capable of encouraging or assisting the suicide or attempted suicide of another person

The offence of encouraging or assisting suicide carries a maximum penalty of 14 years' imprisonment. This reflects the seriousness of the offence

Bluerussian · 05/12/2019 19:38

Poor love, how horrible. Size 10 is fine for 5'4", what planet are those kids on? Even if your daughter was a bit on the fat side it's not right for anyone to fat shame her.

You're not over reacting.

Littlechinagirl · 05/12/2019 19:39

As a secondary teacher I honestly don't think you're being unreasonable. You've done the right thing, school need to be made aware.. good luck.

wasgoingmadinthecountry · 05/12/2019 19:44

I second speaking to someone tomorrow as well. This is so wrong. Hopefully her school has strong pastoral support systems.

Your poor poor dd. The only positive is that she is able to talk to you about this and that you are doing something about it. Please stick to your guns. You're helping others this child may be picking on as well as your own daughter x

EyeoftheSpider · 05/12/2019 19:49

I work in a large state secondary and "go and jump off a bridge and die" would be taken very, very seriously. You were absolutely correct to email in.

Moreisnnogedag · 05/12/2019 19:51

You are definitely doing the right thing. I do think that kids nowadays hear such awful ‘banter’ on YouTube/online/on screen that it desensitises them to what words actually mean to the person who it is said to. God I feel old.

Trooperslaneagain · 05/12/2019 19:52

Absolutely YANBU.

That's terrible behaviour and the fact it's been corroborated means even more.

The teachers on the thread also give you more support - wee girls can be truly horrible.

Soontobe60 · 05/12/2019 20:00

You're right to email, but I'd also follow up with a phone call to the Head of year or pastoral lead as emails can easily get overlooked.
I'm a Senco, and would deal with this very seriously.

OFFREDOFFSTUART · 05/12/2019 20:04

Ask for an appointment to go in and speak to the Head of Year. Forget phone calls and e-mails. Trust me [as a teacher]- this is what you need to do to be taken seriously.
Start a log of all incidents with dates, times and locations.

joCmummy · 05/12/2019 20:06

You are not over-reacting. Other mnetters don't take this wrong but this is the reason I told OH he is taking the kids in the garden next summer and starting to teach them self defense. It boosts confidence and disapline and might put off snotty bitches 😁

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